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Old 07-27-2011, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,360 posts, read 8,372,196 times
Reputation: 8595

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I agree, Duster. I hate to say it, but people who bored are usually pretty boring people. I can't imagine someone just sitting around all day, not having the slightest idea what to do with their time. How about reading a book? Exercising? Traveling? Setting a goal like learning a foreign language, helping abandoned pets, volunteering, helping a handicapped person?

And these married folks who retire and then have nothing to say to one another obviously never had anything to say to each other in all the previous years either.
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Old 02-03-2016, 02:54 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,376 times
Reputation: 16
My husband retired as soon as he was first able to, which was at 56...despite the fact that our daughter still had 2 years of high school to go, nothing saved either for her college fund or for an emergency fund, and despite my telling him not to do that, as I didn't feel we could afford it. He didn't even care if his juvenile daughter had medical insurance...all he knew was he was going to retire and nothing was going to stop him.

Now fast forward 3 years, I said 3 years, he does nothing all day...he wears the same pair of jeans over and over and over again, he smells, does nothing around house, and he won't get a part-time job, despite having said he would work at part-time jobs to help pay bills. I'm expecting a small inheritance soon, very small, and now he pays even less on the bills, expecting that I can use my inheritance to pay for those. I am at the end of my rope. I work full time and am even thinking of getting a part-time job to cover unexpected expenses and pad my savings....okay not pad really, to just set up a savings account. If I stay married, I'm gonna be working until I'm dead...in fact, he one time jokingly said to friends of ours that I planned on working until the rule of dead....well it beats staying home with him!

The only "family" he ever really cared about was his "real" family, i.e., his dad, brothers, and sister...not me or the kids. In fact, I think that was part of the reason he retired, after his dad died, because he no longer had to sneak his dad money, and had that bill off his plate, and thought he could retire.

Bottom line is I am thinking of a divorce...I want to be rid of him. I am not interested in making anything work...there is nothing left, and his retiring too early to my thinking, is absolutely the last straw.
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Old 02-03-2016, 06:51 AM
 
236 posts, read 250,230 times
Reputation: 239
Quote:
Originally Posted by crystalsw View Post
My husband retired as soon as he was first able to, which was at 56...despite the fact that our daughter still had 2 years of high school to go, nothing saved either for her college fund or for an emergency fund, and despite my telling him not to do that, as I didn't feel we could afford it. He didn't even care if his juvenile daughter had medical insurance...all he knew was he was going to retire and nothing was going to stop him.

Now fast forward 3 years, I said 3 years, he does nothing all day...he wears the same pair of jeans over and over and over again, he smells, does nothing around house, and he won't get a part-time job, despite having said he would work at part-time jobs to help pay bills. I'm expecting a small inheritance soon, very small, and now he pays even less on the bills, expecting that I can use my inheritance to pay for those. I am at the end of my rope. I work full time and am even thinking of getting a part-time job to cover unexpected expenses and pad my savings....okay not pad really, to just set up a savings account. If I stay married, I'm gonna be working until I'm dead...in fact, he one time jokingly said to friends of ours that I planned on working until the rule of dead....well it beats staying home with him!

The only "family" he ever really cared about was his "real" family, i.e., his dad, brothers, and sister...not me or the kids. In fact, I think that was part of the reason he retired, after his dad died, because he no longer had to sneak his dad money, and had that bill off his plate, and thought he could retire.

Bottom line is I am thinking of a divorce...I want to be rid of him. I am not interested in making anything work...there is nothing left, and his retiring too early to my thinking, is absolutely the last straw.
Sorry to hear this. Sounds like a bad situation. Can he ask for financial support in your state? I'd say you need a good attorney. And soon.
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Old 02-03-2016, 06:52 AM
 
2,253 posts, read 1,648,892 times
Reputation: 9294
Quote:
Originally Posted by crystalsw View Post
My husband retired as soon as he was first able to, which was at 56...despite the fact that our daughter still had 2 years of high school to go, nothing saved either for her college fund or for an emergency fund, and despite my telling him not to do that, as I didn't feel we could afford it. He didn't even care if his juvenile daughter had medical insurance...all he knew was he was going to retire and nothing was going to stop him.

Now fast forward 3 years, I said 3 years, he does nothing all day...he wears the same pair of jeans over and over and over again, he smells, does nothing around house, and he won't get a part-time job, despite having said he would work at part-time jobs to help pay bills. I'm expecting a small inheritance soon, very small, and now he pays even less on the bills, expecting that I can use my inheritance to pay for those. I am at the end of my rope. I work full time and am even thinking of getting a part-time job to cover unexpected expenses and pad my savings....okay not pad really, to just set up a savings account. If I stay married, I'm gonna be working until I'm dead...in fact, he one time jokingly said to friends of ours that I planned on working until the rule of dead....well it beats staying home with him!

The only "family" he ever really cared about was his "real" family, i.e., his dad, brothers, and sister...not me or the kids. In fact, I think that was part of the reason he retired, after his dad died, because he no longer had to sneak his dad money, and had that bill off his plate, and thought he could retire.

Bottom line is I am thinking of a divorce...I want to be rid of him. I am not interested in making anything work...there is nothing left, and his retiring too early to my thinking, is absolutely the last straw.
If you are considering a divorce and will be receiving an inheritance soon, you may want to talk with a lawyer to get your finances in order. I believe in most states, an inheritance to you is considered your money alone and not marital property, but you must not co-mingle the inheritance money with any joint accounts with your husband.

Hopefully you have your own bank account to deposit your inheritance. Do not pay one household bill with these funds or you may cross the line to have this money considered marital property.

Best of luck to you and your children and take care of yourself!
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Old 02-03-2016, 08:09 AM
 
Location: Central Massachusetts
6,517 posts, read 7,036,070 times
Reputation: 9275
Quote:
Originally Posted by crystalsw View Post
My husband retired as soon as he was first able to, which was at 56...despite the fact that our daughter still had 2 years of high school to go, nothing saved either for her college fund or for an emergency fund, and despite my telling him not to do that, as I didn't feel we could afford it. He didn't even care if his juvenile daughter had medical insurance...all he knew was he was going to retire and nothing was going to stop him.

Now fast forward 3 years, I said 3 years, he does nothing all day...he wears the same pair of jeans over and over and over again, he smells, does nothing around house, and he won't get a part-time job, despite having said he would work at part-time jobs to help pay bills. I'm expecting a small inheritance soon, very small, and now he pays even less on the bills, expecting that I can use my inheritance to pay for those. I am at the end of my rope. I work full time and am even thinking of getting a part-time job to cover unexpected expenses and pad my savings....okay not pad really, to just set up a savings account. If I stay married, I'm gonna be working until I'm dead...in fact, he one time jokingly said to friends of ours that I planned on working until the rule of dead....well it beats staying home with him!

The only "family" he ever really cared about was his "real" family, i.e., his dad, brothers, and sister...not me or the kids. In fact, I think that was part of the reason he retired, after his dad died, because he no longer had to sneak his dad money, and had that bill off his plate, and thought he could retire.

Bottom line is I am thinking of a divorce...I want to be rid of him. I am not interested in making anything work...there is nothing left, and his retiring too early to my thinking, is absolutely the last straw.


I echo what shamrock4 and Sicilee said. Sorry for your situation. If I were you I would be calling it quits soon. You need to get out of that situation and quickly. No one should have to live under those circumstances.
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Old 02-03-2016, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Florida
6,608 posts, read 7,289,696 times
Reputation: 8140
Consider an over 55 community. Since you are still working it would have to be in your local area. You want a large community that has many activates.
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Old 02-03-2016, 11:54 AM
 
Location: Great State of Texas
86,052 posts, read 84,314,885 times
Reputation: 27718
Quote:
Originally Posted by rxgrrl View Post
I do have a job. I also hate my job ( and I can't quit for many reasons) and was hoping to be retired by the time I'm 55; but with him being retired now we can't afford to have me retired too.
Sounds like there's more to this story then him just retiring early.
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Old 02-03-2016, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Idaho
6,345 posts, read 7,719,530 times
Reputation: 14141
Quote:
Originally Posted by shamrock4 View Post
If you are considering a divorce and will be receiving an inheritance soon, you may want to talk with a lawyer to get your finances in order. I believe in most states, an inheritance to you is considered your money alone and not marital property, but you must not co-mingle the inheritance money with any joint accounts with your husband.

Hopefully you have your own bank account to deposit your inheritance. Do not pay one household bill with these funds or you may cross the line to have this money considered marital property.
HEED THIS ADVICE! Then act upon it.

Once you co-mingle even a single penny of your inheritance, you can kiss half of it goodbye.
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Old 02-03-2016, 01:27 PM
 
12,823 posts, read 24,340,121 times
Reputation: 11040
Quote:
Originally Posted by crystalsw View Post
My husband retired as soon as he was first able to, which was at 56...despite the fact that our daughter still had 2 years of high school to go, nothing saved either for her college fund or for an emergency fund, and despite my telling him not to do that, as I didn't feel we could afford it. He didn't even care if his juvenile daughter had medical insurance...all he knew was he was going to retire and nothing was going to stop him.

Now fast forward 3 years, I said 3 years, he does nothing all day...he wears the same pair of jeans over and over and over again, he smells, does nothing around house, and he won't get a part-time job, despite having said he would work at part-time jobs to help pay bills. I'm expecting a small inheritance soon, very small, and now he pays even less on the bills, expecting that I can use my inheritance to pay for those. I am at the end of my rope. I work full time and am even thinking of getting a part-time job to cover unexpected expenses and pad my savings....okay not pad really, to just set up a savings account. If I stay married, I'm gonna be working until I'm dead...in fact, he one time jokingly said to friends of ours that I planned on working until the rule of dead....well it beats staying home with him!

The only "family" he ever really cared about was his "real" family, i.e., his dad, brothers, and sister...not me or the kids. In fact, I think that was part of the reason he retired, after his dad died, because he no longer had to sneak his dad money, and had that bill off his plate, and thought he could retire.

Bottom line is I am thinking of a divorce...I want to be rid of him. I am not interested in making anything work...there is nothing left, and his retiring too early to my thinking, is absolutely the last straw.
He has de facto divorced you.
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Old 02-04-2016, 09:26 AM
 
10,600 posts, read 12,059,835 times
Reputation: 16763
Do people really change THAT much? I ask to learn -- as I've never been married. Are wives REALLY surprised by these men who: don't help clean the house or make unilateral decisions? These actions were a completely surprise?

I can't imagine that now all of a sudden a husband isn't cleaning the house, or now out of the blue he's making unilateral decisions. These wives never has ANY idea these husbands had traits and behaviors like this?

OK you can beat me now by saying I've never been married so I don't get it.
And they're right, I don't have someone else's decisions (other than my boss, or an accident) -- affect my finances.

Having always been single I'm very clear about not having others affect me financially. But once you are married you're in it then. If you don't get out before you have something to lose, you could end up losing a lot. Half a pension, half a 401K, geez.

I've always admired people who've taken the chance on marriage. Which doesn't mean I don't think many times "what were you thinking? You knew he was like that when you got married (or at least shortly after)."
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