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I wrote about this in the Social Group "Retired Singles" but thought it might make an interesting new thread in the Retirement Forum.
After my retirement I moved 3,000 miles away from s/FL to s/OR leaving behind all my friends and social contacts and familiar environment from living & working there over 30 years, to start a new life out west .... an adventure! It's been a good experience but I now realize that, five years later, I haven't made any NEW FRIENDS!!
I take full responsibility for that.... I'm not extremely outgoing; however I am friendly and I am motivated to make friends.... ladies to hang out with for shopping, usual girl-stuff. It just hasn't happened !
I briefly tried volunteering at my local Community Center, one mile away, but they don't really have the need. There are certainly many other volunteering opportunities in Grants Pass but winter travel is an issue, and honestly I'm not keen on making a committment
Perhaps this issue should be a consideration for those contemplating retirement and relocation.
Location: Prescott Valley,az summer/east valley Az winter
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went from cold weather to snowbirding in Az. Have many more friends in Az retirement community than I have in my lifelong home! Try to get into a retirement community somewhere~ my experience is that living in the general economy is not a good place for making freinds
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ConeyIsBabe
... I now realize that, five years later, I haven't made any NEW FRIENDS!!...
welcome to the PNW.
There are lots of threads on Seattle and Portland Freeze, but it is similar in many rural areas. The place was settled by independent souls in covered wagons and their spirit continues to this day. Works for some, but a barren wasteland for others (usually those seeking true friends). Interestingly enough... My inlaws moved to Roseburg about 6 yrs ago, and have plenty of friends. I'm pleasantly surprised.
I've found ag communities to be 'warmer' than timber; but you need to be engaged with a group that is willing to accept you.
I'm hoping to find warmth in relationships elsewhere, this has never felt like 'home' to me, but has its good points... Not sure that would include surviving a depression or serious illness (or old age).
The good news for you is that it is not just in Portland & Seattle. I went from having tons of buddies to like what happened?? No, I didn't do anything to offend them all. Retirement happened. Most had particular plans for their retirement and have moved on. Others have moved home to care for ageing parents. I thought - Well, no problem, I have never had trouble meeting new people - I moved quite a bit growing up and traveled quite a bit for my job but all of a sudden something is different. I finally got a friend to fess up - she is married and said that many married women don't want single women around. Apparently there are lots of single women out there that will snatch & grab any man they can find - marired or not. Friend or not. They make it hard for the rest of us.
I haven't moved anywhere and I find that it's hard to have/find friends as one gets older. I used to live in town, and had scads of people for dinner, movies, music. But that was my 20s-30s. People starting moving out of the city for real estate, relationships, careers, etc. By the time I left the city, I literally had no friends in town. Oh, and also, when people marry/couple up, even if they don't have kids and still live in the city, they are in a different place than a single person. They have a primary person in their life, and you, the single person, don't. Often they are quite involved with each others's families, too.
It just seems like people used to be around. Now they're not. I've gone to some meetup.org groups, and it gets tiresome being some 20 years older than most participants (I'm 55).
Maybe if I didn't live in a city/area where so many people buzz through for school/careers... But I think it might just be part of the age group. It's hard to find people who aren't married or coupled or working three jobs to pay child support or having their kids every other week or whatever. Plus, I work third shift 'thud.'
I expect, in the future (meaning when I am working less or not working) to try a nearby Unitarian Church, not the one in my town which seems very family oriented, but a town over, which is bigger, more intellectual, and generally an older group of people. I guess I'll keep trying the meetup idea.
I wonder if I moved somewhere if it would be even worse. But I'd like to try different above ideas right here before thinking that moving somewhere would make a difference.
(A lot of my women co-workers in my general age group are obsessed with their grandchildren...)
I do agree that it's hard to make new friends (close ones) when you move. We lived in the northeast and moved south. The people are very friendly, but neighbors either have lots of family or friends here already. As one person said on this forum, as the new person you are trying to fit into a circle that already exists and the group may not be looking to add more people to it. When you grow up in an area, you've known people usually for a long time and once you move, you have to tell yourself it's going to take time to make the same kind of friends when you've only been there a short time.
My father always lived in retirement communities once he retired and had lots of friends and activities. When he moved into a regular neighborhood, he no longer had the friends or activities he enjoyed to do each day.
This is a problem. I first encountered it as college friends got married. It seemed like the women whose husbands were least likely to stray were the most jealous and were really hostile passive aggressive. I've had various work friends who will probably drift away when I retire. I had some sorta friends when I was married and a group of good friends for awhile. As they retired (most were older than me) we no longer had the contact. It is really a widespread societal problem as people no longer are so community centered and spend way too much time commuting and non-stop working. It is probably why these internet groups are so active. People need discussion and contact but it is so hard to find in the flesh friends nowadays.
I really want to move when I retire so I expect to have to make new friends and make an effort to find them. Among the strategies I plan on using are join up hiking groups, try some meetups (I should have some time for that which I don't now), and find a volunteer thing that interests me.
It does seem that as we baby boomers move into the next phase of our lives that we should be able to find each other and form these friendships.
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Location: home...finally, home .
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What a great new thread. I also have found it difficult to make friends in my small village. There are just not that many singles . Lots of it has to do with my own reticent personality, but I think that's why I would like to move to an over 55 place. It would sort of force me out of hibernation.
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People may not recall what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel .
We also moved far from where we lived when we retired. Like others, we knew nobody in our new area.
I have found that you cannot "force" making friends. Rather, what I find is that you need to get out and involved in multiple things and meet folks, and some various levels of acquaintenships and friendships may evolve. Religious, social and civic volunteer activities are great opportunities to meet people, and friendships may evolve if you keep realistic expectations. I find that "easing" into these activities seems to work well in terms of meeting new people.
It is something that a lot of folks seem to underestimate when discussing retirement living options. Cost of living, weather, events and atmosphere certainly are things to consider, but relationships count a lot too. Even staying in place, many folks may find that their relationships may change when they retire, and have some difficulty with this adjustment.
I find life to be interesting, and enjoy the challenges of adaptation to new environments. However, in moving through life, the challenges and discomforts need to be acknowledged too.
nancy t., I think you're in NY. My father & mother both lived in Leisure Village on Long island and in New Jersey. They loved it there.
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