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Old 04-15-2007, 10:05 AM
Location: Journey's End
10,189 posts, read 24,924,218 times
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It does seems as if the likelihood of our children's moving is high. I've wrestling with this issue for more than 2 years. I am now more than convinced that wherever I land, I should land where I'll find the greatest personal satisfaction--and visit, write and call as often as possible.

It was a hard decision, but one that I believe makes the most sense for me.
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Old 07-10-2012, 08:40 PM
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,001,270 times
Reputation: 15649
Anyone have any recent experience with the question of staying near or moving away from grandchildren?

Yes this is a very old thread and retirement issues never change.
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Old 07-10-2012, 09:11 PM
Location: Prescott Valley,az summer/east valley Az winter
2,042 posts, read 3,631,052 times
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When I lived in Iowa and both my boys and my stepdaughter did also we rarely saw them, and they didn't go out of their way to see us. Since we moved to az~colorado I cannot see that we see them less~ one of our sons is now in service and currently in Texas. My guess is my sons both got about all they could stand of me when they worked their way through high school as members of my construction crew and my wife's daughter was raised by her father with only visits to my wife. So although I would love being closer to my grandkids they are into everything and all I would be if I lived almost on thier doorstep is someone to cheer on their activities. Guess I'll just have to be busy with my own activities and spoil and love them when we accasionally see them.
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Old 07-10-2012, 09:44 PM
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,178 posts, read 8,706,566 times
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Smile Tough decision

Family is very important to me. My own father just took charge and we got together often, all lived close by and as we had our families, our children (cousins) grew up knowing each other.

Now, they are in their 20's - all 12 of them - and as a parent of 2 of them, I am happy they know each other and have that support system. Two of the 12 are married; only 1 has a child - so far. Some are still in college but of the 12, 9 are college graduates - some are in grad school and law school.

I sincerely hope someday I have a decision to make regarding being around grandchildren. So far, my own 2children are not even in serious relationships.

My own parents were involved in all of their grandchildrens' lives and it's funny b/c my parents never spoke of wanting grandchildren around, yet, they loved and adored each one. It was not uncommon for a few to spend the weekend nights with my parents. My parents attended all the functions and really knew each grandchild - because they spent that time with them.

My in-law's, though, never felt that way. I could feel 2 or 3 hours was enough. They only had 1 child themselves and I think they just weren't comfortable around children yet our children seemed to look forward to their visits and of course, we encouraged that. (They were only an hour away).

Some of my favorite times were with my parents, my in-laws and my children at our home - Thanksgiving, Christimas, Father's Day, Mother's Day, our birthdays, the kids' birthdays, etc.

There are times I think of wanting to be in that magical place but I would miss my family too much, I think.
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Old 07-10-2012, 11:49 PM
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,676 posts, read 40,039,994 times
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Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post

Yes this is a very old thread and retirement issues never change.
Often it is not a choice... Wayward kids = nightmares for children and parents. (Regardless of age)

My own parents didn't have time for me... thankfully my grandparents did (tho 12 hrs away). I spent every minute I could, and left for the grandparent's farm the day school was out and came back the night before school started (age 6-16).

Subsequently, my parents (and spouse's parents) could not care less about their grand kids either (They spent about 4 hrs / yr, WHEN it was convenient... (not very many yrs)). Their loss. Fortunately my kids were not the problem that I was... I told my kids... "Some folks have Wayward kids, some have Wayward parents... I don't want BOTH ". And my kids understood that REAL well since we were caring for my disabled parent.

I am VERY glad that by age 8, I was helping my grandpa in making Steps, Railings, and Ramps for the elderly widows. Good training for when I NEED such help. (now)
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Old 07-14-2012, 06:39 AM
7,051 posts, read 7,007,000 times
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Default Grandkids Grow Up

Originally Posted by cassy1 View Post
Do what works for you, and what you can live with. Let me ask you this, when these grandchildren get a little older are they going to be seeing you just as much? Kids and grandkids live their own lives and the older they get the less you are involved, live your life to the best.
You are so right! We moved here to be near the grandkids and have enjoyed them for 8 yrs. However, now they are growing up and are very busy with their own lives. They still love us, but there is not that running up to us with a big hug anymore. No excitement to see us. They are changing, as life moves on.

Now we are wondering if we want to stay here (we have never really fit into this city). Is it worth being unhappy here just to see the grandkids finish growing up? That's the big question we have now. We'd like to have one more "adventure" before we grow too old!

So don't think only about today and the next few years, but consider how you'll feel when you are not that important to them anymore...
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Old 07-14-2012, 09:32 AM
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,519,632 times
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Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Anyone have any recent experience with the question of staying near or moving away from grandchildren?

Yes this is a very old thread and retirement issues never change.
I consider the better part of three years to be recent.

One issue that decidedly didn't change for us was the determination to live our retirement where and how we wanted. That the "where" was not close to grandchildren (we have 10 in three other states) did not deter us for a moment. We were both very active in our respective childrens' lives. Now, as parents in their own right it's their turn.
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Old 07-14-2012, 09:57 AM
Location: Florida -
8,767 posts, read 10,864,802 times
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After 28-years in the central Florida beach area, we decided it was time to move closer to the kids and grandkids (same town (Destin) as daughter and 2 grands; and 4-hours closer to son and 3 grands (Atlanta)). Since we sold our place before buying a new one, we put everything into storage and moved-in with daughter, where we stayed for 6-months while we 'shopped the local RE market' (and shared expenses). Finally, we bought our own great condo on the harbor where the grandkids come several times per week; yet, it is still far enough away that we/they can live our own lives. We can also visit our son and grandkids (and they, us) twice as often, since we are no longer splitting visits/trips.

From this experience, I could offer a couple of thoughts: You might try living together for a short time, while you still have your own place, to see if living together will work out for all of you (before doing something more permanent, such as selling homes or moving to Costa Rica, etc.). With us, it worked out great and we've spoken about actually living together at some time in the future (For now, they are 'upside down' in house).

Also, Destin is a high cost place to live. While that was not a major factor with us, there are still many places in the area that are less expensive. Perhaps you should 'shop' the local area for a less expensive place ... or even consider a 'reverse mortgage' that might help you with your overall 'retired expenses.' Since you already live in the area, you would not be completely starting-over, by moving somewhere else. BTW, you might find that retiring and moving someplace less expensive, could save you retirement money, but, might cost you a lot more in lost relationships, activities ... and of course, grandkids in close proximity. If you put your mind to it, you will come-up with a good solution for all of you.
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Old 07-14-2012, 10:28 AM
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,120 posts, read 7,576,303 times
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I truly believe one should enjoy thier retirement on thier terms. I have a few more years to go in the work force before retirment, but fully intend to move 1800 miles from where I currently live. We have one daughter who lives just across town and is so busy with her own life that we rarley see her anyway. She got married last month, and is now saying she wishes we wouldn'nt think of moving away upon retirement, what about the grandkids when she has them. Her Husband would like to move to Southern CAlifornia someday, and quite frankly, to me that would be like moving to hell, I'd never go there....
So facts are your kids could move away too, after your grandkids get to be teenagers, they don't have time for you anyway..So you might as well live where you want to live and live life on your terms...
besides, the best memories I have were visiting my GrandPa's farm in Southern Missouri. and they were just a kids memories not nessasarly the truth....
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Old 07-14-2012, 11:17 AM
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
5,372 posts, read 9,876,032 times
Reputation: 10243
This might be too simplistic, but is there a way you could stay close to your beloved grandchildren by sharing a place with someone in your same situation? Another solo woman who also wants to stay close to GKs but also finds it too pricey?

Maybe by sharing and dividing up housing and utilities, you'd both win. Naturally, you'd want a potential housemate to come highly recommended and to be congenial...are there civic organizations or a church you're involved with that might help you locate a qualified and pleasant housemate?
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