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Old 05-12-2009, 07:01 AM
 
Location: the sticks
810 posts, read 1,301,173 times
Reputation: 572

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I am approaching (rather quickly, now) a point in care of a loved one that is causing much distress and worry that requires advice and direction. To start, I am the durable power of attorney as well as representative payee for my 87 yo aunt.

OK, we are to a point of no personal assets, no more money; without the monthly SS check, no income. In the last five years of assisted living and Rx, I have sold the house, the car, and all my aunts' goods, including her small retirement to supplement the SS and pay the bills. Now, we are approaching the next step and I can not get any co-operation or satisfaction or even any advise or direction from any gov't program.

I started this inquiry first part of March, when I still had a little wiggle room, a few months to find something, but I have run into a brick wall - the US gov't, and the SC state
gov't. I have been told (by relatives that are advising from armlengths away, if you know what I mean ) and they say that 'when the money runs out, Medicaid takes over'. Well, after taking 2+ months to achieve payee rep status (DSS requirement), I called the office in aunts district yesterday and was informed that based on our current income, we were entitled to $ 90 / month more. Because she gets $ 1100 / month SS, she is entitled to another $ 90 / month. Well, rent + Rx easily approaches $ 3,000 / month, so it does not add up.

I truly do not know what to do; and my wiggle room is to the point of a very nervous squirm.

Any knowledgeable advise ? This site has been a source for me that is almost wikipedia-ish, I know you have been there, point me in the direction and I'll run with it...
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Old 05-12-2009, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
5,371 posts, read 9,860,640 times
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This may sound like off the wall advice/idea, but I've read about senior homes/care centers in Mexico that are very affordable and meds cost a whole lot less there...worth investigating? Let me see if I can find you some links...
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Old 05-12-2009, 07:17 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
5,371 posts, read 9,860,640 times
Reputation: 10243
Seniors head to Mexico for cheaper nursing care

Here you go, these links should get you started. One man they intereviewed pays $550 month for his Apartment and three meals and an addtional $140/month for all his medications...

Mexican Real Estate: Assisted Living & Nursing Homes | Mexico Real Estate Investment | Mexico Real Estate, Retire in Mexico, Living in Mexico

SERENA - The Serena Senior Care System

Senior Assisted Care and Retirement Living in Baja California, Mexico (http://www.bajagringo.com/BajaAssistedCareLiving.htm - broken link)
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Old 05-12-2009, 07:17 AM
 
Location: the sticks
810 posts, read 1,301,173 times
Reputation: 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleDolphin View Post
This may sound like off the wall advice/idea, but I've read about senior homes/care centers in Mexico that are very affordable and meds cost a whole lot less there...worth investigating? Let me see if I can find you some links...
umm, I hate to sound closed to the idea, but I don't think so. At the time of moving into a nursing home, aunt preferred, no, insisted staying at homesite, where her church was, where she could stay involved in her church (of more than 60 years). I know 'cause I wanted to move her closer to me, over three hours away now.

She is also totally dependent nowadays on others.
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Old 05-12-2009, 07:21 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
5,371 posts, read 9,860,640 times
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Where in SC does your aunt live? There are low rents in many towns in SC outside of Charleston and other metro areas...

Can your aunt house/apt.-share with a church friend?

Is there senior subsidized housing?

Does her church offer any assistance? Some denominations have senior care centers for their members.

You asked what happens to the elderly...sometimes, they have to be a bit flexible to keep the lifestyle they want..and that means making some changes, as difficult as that may be...I hope your aunt is willing to do that, otherwise you're between a rock and a hard place...is there a social worker, pastor, or counselor who may serve as a mediator?
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Old 05-12-2009, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
3,428 posts, read 9,250,583 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by burr View Post
I am approaching (rather quickly, now) a point in care of a loved one that is causing much distress and worry that requires advice and direction.
I wish I had some words of wisdom. but I'm also in the same position, although neither of us are elderly, so that makes things even worse.

I just started a second part-time job yesterday to help me supplement my income more. I haven't been able to make a mortgage or car payment since she was placed into Assisted Living in January. The assisted living costs me 60,000/year out-of-pocket. Then there are on top of that prescriptions, misc. medical costs, ER visits, ambulances & EMT's. I'm thinking out cashing out my 401K, although I'd rather not since I'd like to have something there for someday when I'm retired.
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Old 05-12-2009, 07:41 AM
 
Location: the sticks
810 posts, read 1,301,173 times
Reputation: 572
Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleDolphin View Post
Where in SC does your aunt live? There are low rents in many towns in SC outside of Charleston and other metro areas...

Can your aunt house/apt.-share with a church friend?

Is there senior subsidized housing?

Does her church offer any assistance? Some denominations have senior care centers for their members.

You asked what happens to the elderly...sometimes, they have to be a bit flexible to keep the lifestyle they want..and that means making some changes, as difficult as that may be...I hope your aunt is willing to do that, otherwise you're between a rock and a hard place...is there a social worker, pastor, or counselor who may serve as a mediator?
I understand what you're saying. I started this topic inquiring 'what happens to the elderly ?' and I was looking for direction, and it seems to be a narrow road for them. She has no lifestyle, only an existence at this point, and her faith.

she's in the piedmont.
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Old 05-12-2009, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic east coast
5,371 posts, read 9,860,640 times
Reputation: 10243
Yes, I know, it can be a narrow life...but as you said, your aunt 'insists' on staying in her home and it sounds, from what you said, that she can no longer afford to do that.

Nor does she want to move closer to you, her caregiver...

Given those parameters she insists upon, it's very difficult for you to solve her financial dilemma...that's why I suggested the counseling...her insistence doesn't leave you much wiggle-room, sorry to say...sometimes our 'wants' have to be measured by the reality of our purse--the champagne tastes and beer budget thing...
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Old 05-12-2009, 09:13 AM
 
365 posts, read 1,130,494 times
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Little Dolphin said it much more nicely than I will:

Burr, You've gone above and beyond the call of duty, practically bankrupting yourself for her benefit, all because she "preferred no."

She doesn't have the money, you don't have the money, she is totally dependent on others, and it sounds like you both need to wake up and smell the coffee. She needs a nursing home (public aid takes over in my state in cases like this) or to move in with you. There's no "preferring no" about it.

Yes, it's too bad. But she gave life a good run, and now you need to do what's best for all of you. There's no money so there's not a lot of choice. Reality must be faced.

Good luck. Bless you. I know what it's like; I've been there and am starting to go thru it again. I don't envy you. They are hard decisions
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Old 05-12-2009, 09:48 AM
 
4,948 posts, read 16,520,958 times
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B4 she goes on medicaid if she does besure you do a pre-paid funeral. Medicaid allows you to have
not much. It sounds also as if, due to money she may need to find a lower income place to live.
Have you contacted the visiting nurses to do an assestment on her. Medicare I thinks will cover that.
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