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Good morning all. I have come here hoping you will be able to help me out with the situation I am in. My mom is retiring early next year. She had been working hard all her life (by choice) and I know for sure that retirement will place her in a situation where she will have too much time left and too little to do. She had always been an active person…so I am trying to look out for a few projects which she can get in to which will keep her occupied and sane while dad is at work.
She doesn’t want to study (she already got her 2 PhD’s). Though she loves painting and knitting, her eye sight permits them no longer. Gardening is one option. Right now her maid takes care of the garden. But after retirement she can do it herself. Other than the gardening what else can she get in to? What do a few of you, who have already retired, do during the day? She doesn’t play golf and wouldn’t travel alone without dad. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. I already started gathering a few books which she might like…but I am lost mid way.
It seems to me that if she doesn't have something to do with herself and doesn't know how to structure her life, then she should not retire. Isn't this up to her to decide what to do, not her kid? If she is at a loss and needs some activities, then I would suggest she volunteer for some charitable organization that interests her.
Maybe she knows exactly how she will spend her time but doesn't want to really discuss it with her kid? It's her life and her decision.
It seems to me that if she doesn't have something to do with herself and doesn't know how to structure her life, then she should not retire. Isn't this up to her to decide what to do, not her kid? If she is at a loss and needs some activities, then I would suggest she volunteer for some charitable organization that interests her.
Maybe she knows exactly how she will spend her time but doesn't want to really discuss it with her kid? It's her life and her decision.
She works with the Central Government and the retirement age is very strict there. They have to retire at 58 in the country where she lives. Also, she lives in a very small town and I know for a fact that there are no charitable organizations there for her to volunteer unless she drives down a long way...which she is planning on doing anyway with my dad when he retires in 3 years from now.
You are getting me totally wrong. I am not deciding what she needs to do. Of course she has all the freedom in this world to do what she wants.
I was asking for suggestions which will keep her occupied...for example, I took a print out of instructions how to make a dream catcher and bought all the necessary tools for that. I also bought a book which helps her make bonsai plants...I was looking for ideas for these, not to decide what she has to do with her life.
She works with the Central Government and the retirement age is very strict there. They have to retire at 58 in the country where she lives. Also, she lives in a very small town and I know for a fact that there are no charitable organizations there for her to volunteer unless she drives down a long way...which she is planning on doing anyway with my dad when he retires in 3 years from now.
You are getting me totally wrong. I am not deciding what she needs to do. Of course she has all the freedom in this world to do what she wants. I was asking for suggestions which will keep her occupied...for example, I took a print out of instructions how to make a dream catcher and bought all the necessary tools for that. I also bought a book which helps her make bonsai plants...I was looking for ideas for these, not to decide what she has to do with her life.
You seem very loving, however, this is your mother's life journey. She has to find her own way now within the cultural norms of her own country. Transitions are not always easy, nor always so difficult, but they do take time.
I realize how hard it is for you if your mother is in another country, and you are a close knit family.
But sit back and enjoy watching from the sidelines to see what your mother will decide to do with this next chapter of her life.
You sound like a loving son, however, this is your mother's life journey. She has to find her own way now within the cultural norms of her own country. Transitions are not always easy, nor always so difficult, but they do take time.
I realize how hard it is for you if your mother is in another country, and you are a close knit family.
But sit back and enjoy watching from the sidelines to see what your mother will decide to do with this next chapter of her life.
Well put. I have a hard time believing that a woman who has earned 2 PhD's would have a hard time finding things to occupy her. She is obviously smart. Little hobbies like making a dream catcher are fine but that only takes so much time. For me, as long as I am still learning, I'm happy. Other people aren't happy unless they have a lot of social interaction. If she is isolated, maybe she could start some charitable endeavor. There are always things that need doing, wherever you are. But this is of course her own journey. If she has internet, that can provide avenues to participate in things. It usually is an impossible task to make someone else happy. We each must find our own happiness path.
You are a well-meaning child and this is refreshing in the day and age of kids dumping their parents in nursing homes and "hoping for the best". With 2 PHD's, your mother will be able to fend for herself in the activity department. Give her a chance to discuss her ideas with you.
If she has internet, that can provide avenues to participate in things....
I agree especially with the internet idea. There are tons of things or even charity work to do in the comfort of her home with her knowledge and wisdom.
She can write blogs. There are websites that kids post questions about their homework, or emotional issues, or people need help balancing their finances, etc. etc. Depending on her interests and specialties, she can help many people around the world.
I agree especially with the internet idea. There are tons of things or even charity work to do in the comfort of her home with her knowledge and wisdom.
She can write blogs. There are websites that kids post questions about their homework, or emotional issues, or people need help balancing their finances, etc. etc. Depending on her interests and specialties, she can help many people around the world.
Thank you so much for all your advises. I really do appreciate it. Though she has internet knowledge, it's limited to checking emails from me at work and nothing else. All her education was through books. I am actually getting a new idea now. I can get her a laptop! I will check with her first though.
Mentoring is something which she can venture into.
I started making a recipe list for her and instructions on how to cook them. She loves cooking and hopefully she will like these new recipes which I am collecting for her. I am intending to bind them like a book and give it to her on her retirement party.
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I have a hard time believing that a woman who has earned 2 PhD's would have a hard time finding things to occupy her. She is obviously smart. Little hobbies like making a dream catcher are fine but that only takes so much time. For me, as long as I am still learning, I'm happy. Other people aren't happy unless they have a lot of social interaction. If she is isolated, maybe she could start some charitable endeavor. There are always things that need doing, wherever you are. But this is of course her own journey. If she has internet, that can provide avenues to participate in things. It usually is an impossible task to make someone else happy. We each must find our own happiness path.
