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Old 06-23-2009, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts & Hilton Head, SC
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Good thread, Laura. I wonder how many couples also will have disagreements about where they will live in retirement?
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Old 06-23-2009, 03:06 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
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Of the married couples I know, the ones that seem to have the most difficulty in retirement are the ones where the wife didn't work. It's the "husband underfoot in her domain" issue for the both couples that I know. One marriage ended in divorce about a year after the husband retired. But, I think it might also be because the husbands didn't have a game plan for retirement (how they were going to spend the time that used to be their 40 hour work week) whereas the wife wasn't changing a thing.

As a person with married retired friends, I don't understand women who drag their husbands along for activities with "the girls." There may be a flip side to this (men who insist on bringing their wives along for activities with the guys) but I wouldn't know it.

These would be the same people that, when we were all in the workforce and doing a group work luncheon, group dinner or even a business meeting in another state, they brought their spouse to tag along and then they couldn't do anything because Bozo (not a real name ) didn't want to do it or Bozo didn't like the restaurant or Bozo didn't like the time we were all going, so dutiful spouse (and member of the workgroup) didn't participate with the rest of us or it was awkward having Bozo with us.

Maybe this is why I'm divorced.
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Old 06-23-2009, 03:56 PM
Ode
 
298 posts, read 751,875 times
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My husband and I totally agree about where and how we want to live in retirement, but we have always been a team when it comes to family decisions. I think the ones who have issues are folks who are too different from each other, with no shared dreams and goals. Being on the same page, we are just working hard to make sure it all happens for us when we want it to happen, so we don't have to wait longer for retirement than we absolutely have to.
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Old 06-23-2009, 06:32 PM
 
28,803 posts, read 47,522,177 times
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Girl stuff? Guy stuff? There's a line?

About the only thing I don't or am not wanting to do is go with her for Girls Night Out. They won't let me in her side of the spa.... I have never gone to watch her get her nails done (but I have waited in the outer areas.

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of them. I don't think things will change much after we retire except where we are and the amount of traveling we do.
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Old 06-23-2009, 06:38 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,356 posts, read 18,495,061 times
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I'm expecting many disagreements with my wife when we retire. Most of them are because my wife hasn't made up her mind on what she wants, making it hard to plan. For instance, she has said she wants to stay where we are currently living because our friends are here and at the same time she wants to be closer to where our kids will be living (likely in another state). Assuming we move, she want a house on the beach big enough for our kids and future families (5-6 bedrooms), and I'm saying we should downsize (3-4 bedrooms), and likely be inland because of the cost. I refuse to have to work in retirement just for a big house that will be empty most of the time.

The saving grace is that I think practical will win out in the end and we will live within our means in retirement because there is no other option.
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Old 06-23-2009, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
14,044 posts, read 27,126,435 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LauraC View Post
Of the married couples I know, the ones that seem to have the most difficulty in retirement are the ones where the wife didn't work. It's the "husband underfoot in her domain" issue for the both couples that I know. One marriage ended in divorce about a year after the husband retired. But, I think it might also be because the husbands didn't have a game plan for retirement (how they were going to spend the time that used to be their 40 hour work week) whereas the wife wasn't changing a thing.

As a person with married retired friends, I don't understand women who drag their husbands along for activities with "the girls." There may be a flip side to this (men who insist on bringing their wives along for activities with the guys) but I wouldn't know it.

These would be the same people that, when we were all in the workforce and doing a group work luncheon, group dinner or even a business meeting in another state, they brought their spouse to tag along and then they couldn't do anything because Bozo (not a real name ) didn't want to do it or Bozo didn't like the restaurant or Bozo didn't like the time we were all going, so dutiful spouse (and member of the workgroup) didn't participate with the rest of us or it was awkward having Bozo with us.

Maybe this is why I'm divorced.

My wife didn't work, but we really haven't had a problem with the issue.

She has certain activities she does without me, and this isn't a problem. On the other hand, I have some I do alone, especially a "big one" where I go off to baseball spring training for a week and meet up with some guys I've known for quite a few years from another site where we debate baseball.

Neither of us has had the sense the other is underfoot, or that we resent somewhat altering our daily routines to appropriately accommodate each other. However, I can understand that some folks might. I guess we are just a good couple, a good match.
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Old 06-24-2009, 09:48 PM
 
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Glad that never happen with my wife and I. But we planned it much eralier and knew what we wanted . i doubt people like that agree on much really.
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Old 06-27-2009, 09:53 PM
 
Location: zippidy doo dah
915 posts, read 1,618,584 times
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funny - i find the older people get that it is the women who develop more and more autonomy and the men who get more clingy and insistent on being siamese twins with their spouses......................
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Old 06-28-2009, 07:19 AM
 
819 posts, read 1,585,965 times
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Thankfully, my husband has a barn he can retreat to when we get on each other's nerves. He goes out and admonishes the dog, Glenn, not to ever get married. He golfs, and right now is back to work for 3 days a week for the company he retired from. I have my book club, bunco group and travel friends, so I stay busy and he really does too.

We are still working on whether we want to stay were we are now, but cannot do anything as far as moving until his parents (91 & 93) are no longer here.

But, my dream is to have a little shack by the ocean. Don't care if it is not big enough for company or not. Just me & thee!
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Old 06-29-2009, 10:47 AM
 
31,672 posts, read 40,917,312 times
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I can see where a decision of where to live could be a problem if one spouse is evaluating based on crunching the numbers and the other is reacting to sentimentality.
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