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Old 04-16-2007, 11:29 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
644 posts, read 3,132,244 times
Reputation: 335

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I think he needs to see a therapist. It's very hard for men when they retire. Men identify with their jobs. After being at his job for 40 years? I can only imagine how hard it must be for him. And for you, too, to feel so helpless. But he should go try and see someone. You can't take the entire burden on yourself.

Artie
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Old 04-17-2007, 09:42 AM
 
3,804 posts, read 9,801,046 times
Reputation: 7425
I so totally agree with everyone's suggestions.

1. You have got to get the doctor to lecture him ! on the physical issues caused by depression and get him to take an antidepressant.

2. You may have to help him by doing some activities with him and providing some major support and encouragement.

The dog or puppy is a good idea since it should get him out and about. He can go to obedience classes where he will benefit as much as the dog. If he finds a dog that needs more "work" to do, there are no limits to what your husband could end up doing. Agility, search and rescue, nursing home visits, obedience trials, etc.

Or maybe they will just lay around and make him feel good. I suggest a visit to the humane society. somehow it just has to get across to him that there are people and creatures less fortunate than himself and he could do wonders for someone or something if he looked outside himself.

Volunteer activities can be structured to fit whatever your husband has even the slightest interest in. There are cat groups that could probably use his help. Paid employment is always possible.

I quit work for 5 years and although I thought it would be great, it was a difficult period trying to rearrange my life, priorities, and social needs. Ended up that I went back to work. The next time I "retire" it will be with the knowledge that I need structure. I plan on volunteering every morning and taking a nap every afternoon. What a life.
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Old 04-17-2007, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Oregon Coast
1,773 posts, read 3,710,594 times
Reputation: 2355
Check into your community clubs and organizations and join some. Even if you personally don't enjoy the theme (such as hobby trains as you mentioned) just go along with him for support and I'm sure they will find a place for you too. Being out among 'characters' would get his mind off of himself.
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Old 04-17-2007, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
13,608 posts, read 22,025,025 times
Reputation: 18332
Quote:
Originally Posted by ioneoskay View Post
Since my husband has retired from 40 years in the post office he is very depressed that friends no longer come around to visit him. He actually cries and says everthing he does is a failure and no hope about the future etc.

He is only 59 The doctor suggested prozac but he doesn't want to take it

Counselrs tell him everyone goes through this but it doesn't help him. he stays indoors and doesn't do much all day, goes to bed early and gets up early.

He has a loyal siamese cat that is his only friend.

He has no interest in anything - he used to love model train. He isn't imterested in tv any more.
Any suggestions about reinventing himself

My husband retired last year at the age of 68. It took him (most ly me) to get used to hanging around the house. I encouraged him to go back to doing the things he could only enjoy occasionally during the fifty years he worked. So he took up fishing again. That was so much fun, so he took up golfing again, that was fun too so he took up visiting all his relatives again! Now life is back to normal (except for the paychecks) The point I am trying to get across is if you can at least get him interested in one thing,he will start to feel less depressed. Try everything before prozac!
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Old 04-17-2007, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
80 posts, read 438,079 times
Reputation: 57
Without knowing how long he's been retired or what might potentially be of interest to him, I'm not going to venture into specifics. Let me give you a framework. Let's say an individual spends 40 hours a week on a job. They get satisfaction both in terms of being productive (earning a paycheck) and from social interaction. At retirement they are suddenly asked to fill that time and that void. Retirement transition counseling or classes can help to determine what one wants to accomplish with those golden years- travel, more time with family, volunteering, a part-time job, a new hobby, sports, etc. Additionally, I recommend The New Retirement , a book by Jan Cullinane. I also like a quote that I used on my blog: “When you retire, think and act as if you were still working; when you’re still working, think and act a bit as if you were already retired.” Author Unknown
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Old 04-17-2007, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Hopewell New Jersey
1,393 posts, read 7,137,868 times
Reputation: 1026
Quote:
Originally Posted by blue62 View Post
I encouraged him to go back to doing the things he could only enjoy occasionally during the fifty years he worked. So he took up fishing again. That was so much fun, so he took up golfing again, that was fun too so he took up visiting all his relatives again!

WOW what a disappointment......fishing....golf....relatives.. .I thought this was leading up to him rekindling that relationship with his secratary !!

Now that would have really been something !!


LOL
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Old 04-18-2007, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
13,608 posts, read 22,025,025 times
Reputation: 18332
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBrown View Post
WOW what a disappointment......fishing....golf....relatives.. .I thought this was leading up to him rekindling that relationship with his secratary !!

Now that would have really been something !!


LOL

Hey, I gave that a shot, but the secretary wasn't interested. She is pretty close to his age so just wasn't up to it
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Old 04-18-2007, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Old Town Alexandria
14,495 posts, read 24,094,362 times
Reputation: 8842
Lightbulb one suggestion

Quote:
Originally Posted by ioneoskay View Post
Since my husband has retired from 40 years in the post office he is very depressed that friends no longer come around to visit him. He actually cries and says everthing he does is a failure and no hope about the future etc.

He is only 59 The doctor suggested prozac but he doesn't want to take it

Counselrs tell him everyone goes through this but it doesn't help him. he stays indoors and doesn't do much all day, goes to bed early and gets up early.

He has a loyal siamese cat that is his only friend.

He has no interest in anything - he used to love model train. He isn't imterested in tv any more.
Any suggestions about reinventing himself
he sounds like my dad who had major depression. The doctor suggested a dog. Now it may sound silly (thats what I thought) but it will get him out of the house- caring for something else. Sometimes it takes awhile- he may not feel up to anything social- being around people is not always going to "cheer up" a depressed person.

Please let us know how it works out.
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Old 04-18-2007, 01:15 PM
 
955 posts, read 1,975,420 times
Reputation: 401
Default Retirement Solutions

I am 58 and retired and initially found that I was a bit too young to watch the grass grow. I have an interesting new job in insurance sales. This gives me the opportunity to meet new people on a daily basis and continue to work in an interesting environment. Before I retired, I attended many a retirement party for folks who were leaving. When I met retirees who came to these retirement events, I noticed something all the time. There were those who looked great and those who looked bad. When you asked those who looked bad what they were up to, the answer was always the same - "Oh, nothing. I go to Florida (or Arizona, or ...) for a few months. I guess I just sit around". When you asked those who looked great what they did, the answer was also always the same - "I took classes on becomming a financial planner, and I really enjoy what I am doing now. Never felt better!", or "I am now working for the local township on the planning committee. We have lots to do". Retirement is not for everyone. You do not have to kill yourself - You have gained enough life experiences to be able to do most things in a lot less time than the youngsters! Try something new and interesting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ioneoskay View Post
Since my husband has retired from 40 years in the post office he is very depressed that friends no longer come around to visit him. He actually cries and says everthing he does is a failure and no hope about the future etc.

He is only 59 The doctor suggested prozac but he doesn't want to take it

Counselrs tell him everyone goes through this but it doesn't help him. he stays indoors and doesn't do much all day, goes to bed early and gets up early.

He has a loyal siamese cat that is his only friend.

He has no interest in anything - he used to love model train. He isn't imterested in tv any more.
Any suggestions about reinventing himself
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Old 04-18-2007, 01:27 PM
 
4,410 posts, read 6,232,526 times
Reputation: 10827
Dear Ione... I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is having trouble adjusting to retirement. My husband retired from the post office too at the age of 58. That was 2 years ago. Now he spends so much time on the golf course that I joke and tell him that I eat more dinners alone than when he was traveling for business. I agree that your husband is possibly depressed. Hobbies help for sure. But there's all kinds of personalities and not everything works for all. Dance, volunteer work... wouldn't work for me. A good place to start is with seeing a therapist. Good luck.
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