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Old 04-18-2007, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,610 posts, read 4,441,387 times
Reputation: 1459

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You've gotten some good advice here. All I can add is that men are defined by what they do, not who they are - it sucks but that's the way it is. Not knowing where you live I can't make any specific suggestions but the bigger cities often have 50+ organizations that cater to older workers looking for jobs. Churches often have similar groups. While on the Walgreen's site today I noticed that they are actively seeking workers over 50 in conjuction with an alliance with AARP. Here is the site: http://www.walgreens.com/about/caree...ng/default.jsp

My husband is just a couple of years away from his official retirement and he plans to take his passion for wine and begin to teach it to others. At his current job he teaches classes during lunch and has off-site tastings. He has students from all over the company, beginners and what he calls collectors. I only mention this because maybe there's something your husband is good at that he could teach maybe at night school. Too many possibilities to give up on life. But I agree with those who have told you to get him to a doctor for an assessment of his depression and some treatment options. Good luck.
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Old 04-18-2007, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Vero Beach, Fl
2,949 posts, read 12,310,609 times
Reputation: 2079
OREGONRAIN - is right. For many, retirement is a major adjustment. You do need to have a purpose or even find a part time job. Absolutely NO PROZAC that is what so many doctors love to do here - if someone has a problem drug them.

Push him out of the house. It takes time .. be patient but don't let it go on too long.
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Old 04-24-2007, 12:39 PM
 
702 posts, read 2,921,146 times
Reputation: 448
Default Take Care Of The Medical Problem First...

Quote:
Originally Posted by ioneoskay View Post
Since my husband has retired from 40 years in the post office he is very depressed that friends no longer come around to visit him. He actually cries and says everthing he does is a failure and no hope about the future etc.

He is only 59 The doctor suggested prozac but he doesn't want to take it

Counselrs tell him everyone goes through this but it doesn't help him. he stays indoors and doesn't do much all day, goes to bed early and gets up early.

He has a loyal siamese cat that is his only friend.

He has no interest in anything - he used to love model train. He isn't imterested in tv any more.
Any suggestions about reinventing himself
I have several friends who retired early and two of them ended up depressed. From my experience with them I can say that your husband should go to a psychiatrist as soon as possible. Before a person can start doing anything like volunteering or whatever, they have to get their mental problem taken care of. The GP is not the place to go because they are not specialized in mental conditions. A psychologist cannot give medication; a psychiatrist can. Both of my friends said that you must get the mental part of the problem taken care of with medication first and then "talk therapy" will make sense to the person. Don't delay because depression can get worse until the person has no reason to live. Both friends are doing fine and find spending time with others to be beneficial. I wish you and your husband the best.
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Old 04-25-2007, 06:10 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Cove, Monterey, TN
1,286 posts, read 4,150,142 times
Reputation: 894
Quote:
Originally Posted by ioneoskay View Post
Since my husband has retired from 40 years in the post office he is very depressed that friends no longer come around to visit him. He actually cries and says everthing he does is a failure and no hope about the future etc.

He is only 59 The doctor suggested prozac but he doesn't want to take it

Counselrs tell him everyone goes through this but it doesn't help him. he stays indoors and doesn't do much all day, goes to bed early and gets up early.

He has a loyal siamese cat that is his only friend.

He has no interest in anything - he used to love model train. He isn't imterested in tv any more.
Any suggestions about reinventing himself
I would suggest encouraging your husband to find new hobbies. Is he interested in woodworking? There might be classes he can take. There might be other hobbies that you can both participate in. If you participate with him, he might be more encouraged to continue with a hobby that interests him. I also suggest finding organizations that will allow him to do volunteer work. Those are some of the things I plan to do when I retire in 7 years. I hope this helps.
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Old 05-01-2007, 06:28 AM
 
124 posts, read 621,101 times
Reputation: 93
I was waiting for a my plane in an airport a few years ago when a woman, probably in her 60's, bumped into an old friend. They were laughing and catching up with each other quickly before they had to catch their planes. The friend asked her what she was doing with herself and the woman replied that she was still working. The friend seemed surprised, but the woman said "Work centers my life." I loved that and it always comes to mind any time I feel a little depressed or bored. I jump up and find something to do...clean a closet...bake some cookies....dig a few weeds...write some letters, etc. My mother-in-law is 92 years old and is never bored. She shovels her own walk, paints her walls, cooks, and still drives short distances. Encourage your husband to do something and if you have to do it together to get him going, do it. For example, tell him he is in charge of meals for the week and let him do it. That he has to plan, shop and cook...then stay out of his way and refrain from taking over when he stumbles.

He is going through a period of mourining right now. Leaving one's familar way of life is like a little death. When I stopped working (due to illness), it took me three years just to start being comfortable again. I still wasn't over it, but I was bored with grieving over my old life. Now, when something disrupting happens (like a death), I allow myself a couple of days to wallow; then I force myself to do anything -- just to keep moving. It really does make it better. Talk to him. Hold his hand. Hug him. Ask him to tell you how he feels and really listen. Then hand him a mop or a paintbrush and tell him he has to rejoin life. Good luck to you and let us know how he's doing.
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Old 05-01-2007, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
35,216 posts, read 34,485,627 times
Reputation: 53322
May I suggest moving and putting him in charge of the research and planning for places to visit/check out? While I don't think retirement communities (with social activities) are for everyone, there is something to being with other people who are also looking for activities and to make new friends since I would imagine most people in retirement communities are from someplace else. In other words, it's probably easier to make new friends when everyone else is trying to do that, too.

You may already know this but there is a retirement town in Florida where the residents are all former postal workers and their spouses. The name of the town is Nalcrest (town gets its name from National Association of Letter Carriers). You can read about it here and there are photos, too:

http://www.nalc.org/nalc/members/nalcrest.html
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Old 05-02-2007, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,802 posts, read 24,123,740 times
Reputation: 6272
Very good advice in many of these postings. I'm also a federal retiree who left at 54, on an "early out."

Best thing to do is analyze your situation. If he gets his identification from work then the advice about finding another job is right on. If finances are somewhat of an issue this also provides an additional benefit. If work is not necessary, getting out and being involved in whatever he likes at a part time level will allow him to become socially integrated again. This is what I am doing myself.

Prozac is NOT the answer.

Best of luck, enjoy the newfound freedoms!!!
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Old 07-04-2007, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Arizona, The American Southwest
52,246 posts, read 30,330,699 times
Reputation: 91176
I agree, Prozac and other drugs are not the answer, Jesus is.

If you can, get your husband to spend a few minutes everyday reading the Bible and get involved in a Bible-based church.
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Old 07-04-2007, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Oxygen Ln. AZ
9,321 posts, read 16,817,476 times
Reputation: 5694
No drugs. He is way too young to just throw in a towel. Join some clubs, put in a Koi pond (very good therapy), do something together to rekindle the two of you. I wish my hubby would retire at 59, but I suspect he would just start another business to keep us busy. Years ago we met a retired man at a bird show in Las Vegas. He raised the most beautiful English Parakeets. He was so depressed and his blood pressure way too high when he retired, his doctor suggested a fish pond but he got interested in Budgies. He was a very happy camper. We all need something to do. Best of luck to you both.
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Old 07-04-2007, 06:12 PM
 
702 posts, read 2,921,146 times
Reputation: 448
So far the consensus seems to be against taking any kind of medication. I feel that medication is necessary in some cases. I would like to hear from a member of the medical profession on this point.
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