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Old 04-16-2007, 05:55 PM
 
Location: california
83 posts, read 330,396 times
Reputation: 94

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Since my husband has retired from 40 years in the post office he is very depressed that friends no longer come around to visit him. He actually cries and says everthing he does is a failure and no hope about the future etc.

He is only 59 The doctor suggested prozac but he doesn't want to take it

Counselrs tell him everyone goes through this but it doesn't help him. he stays indoors and doesn't do much all day, goes to bed early and gets up early.

He has a loyal siamese cat that is his only friend.

He has no interest in anything - he used to love model train. He isn't imterested in tv any more.
Any suggestions about reinventing himself
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Old 04-16-2007, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 10,908,364 times
Reputation: 3838
He needs a purpose. Get him out there volunteering. Meals on Wheels would be a good choice.
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Oregon Coast
1,848 posts, read 6,248,052 times
Reputation: 1383
Maybe a vacation to some place he would like.
Perhaps even consider a move to somewhere else. Make some plans for the future so he can see that life goes on even after retirement.
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Journey's End
10,189 posts, read 24,907,732 times
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Yes, another job, volunteering, something that gives him purpose. It is difficult to make the adjustment.

And don't let him sulk; it'll only get worse if he does nothing!
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:20 PM
 
4,948 posts, read 16,519,170 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ioneoskay View Post
Since my husband has retired from 40 years in the post office he is very depressed that friends no longer come around to visit him. He actually cries and says everthing he does is a failure and no hope about the future etc.

He is only 59 The doctor suggested prozac but he doesn't want to take it

Counselrs tell him everyone goes through this but it doesn't help him. he stays indoors and doesn't do much all day, goes to bed early and gets up early.

He has a loyal siamese cat that is his only friend.

He has no interest in anything - he used to love model train. He isn't imterested in tv any more.
Any suggestions about reinventing himself
would he like a part-time job that is fun. that way he would be out, busy,
and would meet people. what if he adopted an older dog from the mspca. that way he would need to be out walking the dog. what about taking courses that he likes.
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Old 04-16-2007, 06:44 PM
 
Location: WA
5,393 posts, read 21,388,001 times
Reputation: 5884
Another job even if it is volunteering will help him begin to untangle his self-worth and his previous career. It is very difficult for many of us and can take a long time.

What I did was who I was for many years. When the company was bought out and I went through a period of unemployment it changed a little but it was not over. It took another job and a layoff to change me a bit more. But it was finally a few years of contract work where I was independent that separated me from my 'work identity'. Over ten years to complete the change for me.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:20 PM
 
942 posts, read 1,066,298 times
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Although this is very common among people that retire especially younger ones, I would not let this situation go on too long. I also retired from the fed govt, I was abit younger than he is, 49 to be exact, I did the early retirement thing thru gov't downsizing. I had a full time job with the airlines to go to when I retired from the VA in 1999 and laid off within 6 weeks of 9/11 from the airline job. I had to find other work, my pension was not enough to live on, and both my parents became very ill and both died within 4 months of each other. If I can pick myself up so can your husband, he just needs to have a long talk with himself and especially others that have retired, and how they handled it, it really helps alot more than bottles of prozac, and mental health councilors. I think retirement is more difficult for those that never developed many hobbies, there he should start on some. If he needs to supplment your incomes, a part time job, doing anything for now that is, If that is not needed volunteer workers are always needed, let him find one of his choosing. My point is life can be hard full of twist and turns, and chapters that begin and then finish, he has finished one chapter, and now he needs to begin a new chapter and only he can write it. It is commendable that you want to help him, or you would not be writing this. Sad but true, its going to have to be him that wants to help himself.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:50 PM
 
11,256 posts, read 43,377,376 times
Reputation: 14922
Having had several different career paths, and starting a new one now at age 60, I think the key to staying young is to stay active and involved.

I could have retired a little past 50 years old, but chose a new career then.

It's lead me to another one at age 60. I'm in the training period now, and so far, the company likes what I'm doing. I head out for my first real sales trip tomorrow, if it goes OK, then I'm in for another 10-15 years.

The problem society has today is that retirement programs were set up years ago to standards that reflected the typical functional lifespan. We're living a lot longer now for many reasons, with much better health than ever.

Your husband needs to recognize that life isn't over just because of a calendar number. He has the potential to live well in to his 90's, based upon current life expectancy. That would be an awfully long time to sit around and be depressed, or a great opportunity of time to do a lot of things.

As suggested, volunteer work (if you have the time/income to allow it) would be a good thing. Also, there's a lot of jobs out there waiting to be filled in many marketplaces. Sure, he may be getting an entry level wage for awhile at a new career, but the activity and mental health is worth the effort.
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Old 04-16-2007, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,288 posts, read 17,953,712 times
Reputation: 6544
He is certainly suffering from severe depression....perhaps you need a family intervention. I'm so sorry - you must be terribly worried.
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Old 04-16-2007, 09:32 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,549,039 times
Reputation: 13180
You both need to take some group ballroom dance classes!!! Seriously, you would be doing something fun together and getting exercise at the same time and meeting a lot of new friends! This would get him (and you) out of the house and he would be focused on learning the steps to many dances.

Maybe dance isn't his "bag" but it's definitely worth looking into.
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