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Old 02-06-2014, 08:35 AM
 
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I think people in pairs can assume some help from the other (especially if he/she is younger) should health issues arise, or needs to carry heavy stuff or drive or whatever. I do know a few women in their 60s married to men who are 5-15 years younger and I envy their "safety" in care. Of course, the more common age difference is the man being somewhat or a lot older. A friend of 61 who recently married a wealthy guy pushing 80 thinks quite practically, as in, "I'm likely to be a widow, and if/when that happens, I'll____" making plans for the likelihood of being single again. (And no, she didn't marry him for his money, although I wonder if she would have married him had he been poor. She says they have a peaceful, kind marriage, and that sounds pretty good, especially after her earlier life in marriage).
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Old 02-06-2014, 12:22 PM
 
Location: middle tennessee
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I am single and retired. Sadly, I think its a myth that retired couples are better off because they have company and support. I don't think relationships are that much different than they were at any age. Some provided companionship and support, financial and emotional, and some didn't. Many times neither is physically able to care for the other. I don't think being part of a couple is always a plus. When it works, its great, but so is being single.

Also, I think people who have not been in the role of caregiver greatly underestimate what it entails. A friend who would care for a friend would be a friend indeed. Would you be willing to share a home with a relatively healthy person, prepared to care for them until the end of their life if the situation changed? Could you evict a friend if they could not care for their self? How soon do you think a room mate would get tired of being a caretaker? It takes an enormous commitment.

I like my single life. I love and value my friends. If I was younger and more sure of my health, I think sharing a house would be great. In my present situation, living alone suits me.

It's after noon, I am in my night gown, I had leftover chicken fried steak for breakfast, and the dog needs a bath If my husband was here, bless his heart, he would think I had lost my mind.
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Old 02-06-2014, 03:01 PM
 
15,149 posts, read 19,759,536 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boogie'smom View Post
...I don't think being part of a couple is always a plus. When it works, its great, but so is being single....

I like my single life....In my present situation, living alone suits me.

It's after noon, I am in my night gown, I had leftover chicken fried steak for breakfast, and the dog needs a bath If my husband was here, bless his heart, he would think I had lost my mind.

Amen. I've lived alone ever since my kids moved out 25 years ago. I liked being married to their father 45 years ago but I love living alone today. I can stay in my jammies late into the afternoon if I want and the dog doesnt mind if I need a bath.
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Old 02-06-2014, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Near a river
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My single friends seem to be a lot more independent than those married. They either never married or were generally divorced years and years ago and made a strong life for themselves in their 30s and 40s. They are financially independent, know how to fix things or whom to hire, and seem to have a great network of buddies M & F. I'm not suited to being alone so I'm glad to be not. We each do what we do best, which happens to be what the other does not do best. If I wind up alone for the rest of my life I'll freak out. There's so much I've gotten lazy about, or simply left for "him" to do. He'd be fine without me, though, since he's used to doing the "tough" stuff (and that seems to be the arrangement with the married couples I know).
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Old 02-06-2014, 05:21 PM
 
Location: it depends
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
My single friends seem to be a lot more independent than those married. They either never married or were generally divorced years and years ago and made a strong life for themselves in their 30s and 40s. They are financially independent, know how to fix things or whom to hire, and seem to have a great network of buddies M & F. I'm not suited to being alone so I'm glad to be not. We each do what we do best, which happens to be what the other does not do best. If I wind up alone for the rest of my life I'll freak out. There's so much I've gotten lazy about, or simply left for "him" to do. He'd be fine without me, though, since he's used to doing the "tough" stuff (and that seems to be the arrangement with the married couples I know).
Interesting. I'd be the first one to say, you never know when one couple is going to turn into one single and a grave. She retired, I still work, we snowbird because I can work from everywhere, and she's terminal. We have a slim chance of getting a faint hope, but it doesn't look good.

Evidently I will know a lot more later, but it looks to me like everything changes and nothing changes. We both love the snowbird locale, so I would not give that up as a single. I would be much more physically active, hiking and biking and kayaking, but a lot of life would be similar. I would seriously downsize the northern place, much too large for one.

There's a lot I would have to learn, things she is better at.
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Old 02-06-2014, 05:26 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
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Same here, mine does the heavy work, repairs and can do anything I do. He'd do fine without me. I would have to add a repairman to my budget without him.

Our life together has been of one going ahead and bringing the other one along, we seemed to take turns. DH was the driving force for moving to FL as snowbirds. If it was up to me I would have chosen the safe route of doing nothing. He kept saying have faith, it will work out. He was right and I took the jump with him, he'd do the same for me in I felt as strong about something.

In the end it will come down to doing what you have to do, so I'm not worried about it.
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Old 02-06-2014, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,975,704 times
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When it comes to relocating, I think couples have the easier time b/c they don't have to worry so much about finding friend(s) in a new place. At least at first they have each other. If they freak out over the move, they can talk sense into each other, commiserate, etc. They can set up a new home together, and have each other's backs in general. A single individual has all the decisions and work on his or her own head. If s/he falls ill, it's alone. As a single, I would not relocate from family and friends. I really admire those who do, it takes a lot of guts.
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Old 02-06-2014, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,737,509 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
When it comes to relocating, I think couples have the easier time b/c they don't have to worry so much about finding friend(s) in a new place. At least at first they have each other. If they freak out over the move, they can talk sense into each other, commiserate, etc. They can set up a new home together, and have each other's backs in general. A single individual has all the decisions and work on his or her own head. If s/he falls ill, it's alone. As a single, I would not relocate from family and friends. I really admire those who do, it takes a lot of guts.
I think everything you said above is true, but you didn't include the problem of relocating in cases where the couple is at loggerheads over the destination, where one party is absolutely opposed to the favored choice of the other and vice-versa. That can be a marriage ender.
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Old 02-06-2014, 07:24 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,433 posts, read 1,668,181 times
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It's our 39th anniversary Saturday. DH has traveled more for his career each year, even now he's gone three to four days a week. I cried like a baby the first time he was gone for a week, early in our marriage. Then I grew up and appreciated the space and independence. I have the advantage of a partner to share things with and also knowing how it is to depend on myself. If anything breaks or goes wrong it has always been when he's away so I know from experience I can handle things on my own.

I would choose to live near relatives and friends too, if I were by myself. After being away from our families for 30 years for our careers, we've chosen to be near family again here and we're loving it.
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Old 02-07-2014, 06:37 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,682,513 times
Reputation: 10960
Quote:
Originally Posted by boogie'smom View Post
I am single and retired. Sadly, I think its a myth that retired couples are better off because they have company and support. I don't think relationships are that much different than they were at any age. Some provided companionship and support, financial and emotional, and some didn't. Many times neither is physically able to care for the other. I don't think being part of a couple is always a plus. When it works, its great, but so is being single.

Also, I think people who have not been in the role of caregiver greatly underestimate what it entails. A friend who would care for a friend would be a friend indeed. Would you be willing to share a home with a relatively healthy person, prepared to care for them until the end of their life if the situation changed? Could you evict a friend if they could not care for their self? How soon do you think a room mate would get tired of being a caretaker? It takes an enormous commitment.

I like my single life. I love and value my friends. If I was younger and more sure of my health, I think sharing a house would be great. In my present situation, living alone suits me.

It's after noon, I am in my night gown, I had leftover chicken fried steak for breakfast, and the dog needs a bath If my husband was here, bless his heart, he would think I had lost my mind.
I am single and should be retired but I'm not. I still have to work and it's okay with me, most of the time. The only advantage I can see to having a partner would be financially but the trade offs aren't worth it, to me. One of my customers told me one day that if I'd get married again I wouldn't have to work so hard. Phooey. If I was married I'd be working twice as hard...on the job AND at home. As it is living alone suits me perfect! I never planned on being single at this age but it works for me and I'm happy!

I have no desire to have a room mate. My life is quiet and peaceful, I don't get lonely, I can live just fine on my income and see no reason to have a man in my life. I have plenty of brothers and nephews if I really need something done but they don't always have time so I sometimes have to pay someone and it's okay.
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