U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-30-2009, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Savannah GA/Lk Hopatcong NJ
13,107 posts, read 24,910,551 times
Reputation: 11146

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
Wasn't debating about the OP as I can only assume about her position. I was complementing ANOTHER poster for making some good points in general about helping your children. Your point is right about being able to afford to help and there are those who can and do. I think her points were good and you don't and that's ok.
Note she commented about not being able to replace it not being destitute if it wasn't replaced. It could be treated like a market correction in your portfolio that may or may not come back before you die. If you are planning out to 94 and taking a 3-4% drawdown depending on your balance your principal woud be in tact at 94 and still there for your heirs. Losing part of that principle at a later age without getting back is not going to throw the train off the track.
Actually I think her points are very good and very valid if one is in the position to do so Someone living on a very meager pension or just SS alone~~~gasp~~~ wouldn't be.
We've helped all our kids get a start but not by borrowing against any retirement funds to do so

This from o/p's original post is what leaves me to assume if kid didn't pay back she may be up the creek:

would you let them have it knowing that is all you will have and no chance of replacing it if they don't pay it back?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-30-2009, 01:09 PM
 
29,815 posts, read 34,900,894 times
Reputation: 11735
Quote:
Originally Posted by njkate View Post
Actually I think her points are very good and very valid if one is in the position to do so Someone living on a very meager pension or just SS alone~~~gasp~~~ wouldn't be.
We've helped all our kids get a start but not by borrowing against any retirement funds to do so

This from o/p's original post is what leaves me to assume if kid didn't pay back she may be up the creek:

would you let them have it knowing that is all you will have and no chance of replacing it if they don't pay it back?
You may well be absolutely correct. I am not sure has she weighed back in? Her kids may be scoundrels and not likely to pay her back based on past history or it may be for a house and they will be cash strapped for awhile. I would have a different opinion for each of the situations. As we got closer to retirement and our plans finalized we needed to answer some critical questions related to assets as we aged. We are blessed and should have to worry about transferring wealth and for that we are fortunate. If the OP is cutting it close to the edge with retirement resources they would be wise to put her self very much first, second and third.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2009, 03:06 PM
 
13,329 posts, read 25,590,184 times
Reputation: 20561
I had no good start or any help from my parents (working-class/dysfunctional broke) all their lives. I am lucky in that I always knew there was nothing there for me. I am still surprised when adult "children" get money from their parents or elders.
The rule of thumb, I thought, for all personal loans, is not to lend it unless you can manage without it being paid back. Yes, if the grown child is sick, they can live in the spare room (or couch) if need be. But to just give money? Money you'll need to live? Who is going to pony up if the OP is sick or disabled?
Parents absolutely do not owe their grown children anything, especially an inheritance. I have seen many unseemly "adults' drifting along, expecting a chunk of change from elderly parents, either alive or dead. It's pretty distasteful to see someone in his 40s not saving because he assumes Ma will leave him something good. (I so hope she doesn't).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2009, 05:37 PM
 
29,815 posts, read 34,900,894 times
Reputation: 11735
I find it sorta odd to see the word parent and not owe their children anything in the same sentence to be a bit odd. But oh well to each their own and now I know why mine are so appreciative.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2009, 05:46 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 84,010,700 times
Reputation: 18050
Quote:
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
In a way you could say a reverse equity loan is. You are borrowing your kids future inheritance to fund your retirement in a way of sorts.
Lett ehm boy their own home and make their way in the world. That is why they are in manycases still living with ;off their parents because they have beeen taught this way of thinking.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2009, 06:19 PM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
32,036 posts, read 36,689,092 times
Reputation: 38697
Quote:
Would you let them have it knowing that is all you will have and no chance of replacing it if they don't pay it back?
If you can't afford to give them the money without payback, you can't afford to loan them the money.

It would have to be pretty dire, like an extreme medical emergency. If they have shown a pattern of being irresponsible then you are not helping them.

They will burn your money just like they've burned theirs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2009, 06:47 PM
 
9,807 posts, read 13,472,000 times
Reputation: 8159
Many a successful farmer ended up living in a 10x50 trailer house and on food stamps after they mortgaged their farm to help the son get started.


The first time there was tough times, the son decided he didn't like farming anymore and said--" I'm out of here"

He found a 5 day,40 week more attractive.
The dad didn't have that option anymore.

many cases of that happening in my area.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2009, 08:16 PM
 
29,815 posts, read 34,900,894 times
Reputation: 11735
Quote:
Originally Posted by texdav View Post
Lett ehm boy their own home and make their way in the world. That is why they are in manycases still living with ;off their parents because they have beeen taught this way of thinking.
What if your kids already own their own homes and you are a grandparent? Intergenerational wealth transfer is a fundamental part of estate planning if you have one! You have to plan for the transfer of unless you are planning to die broke and most of us aren't. As far as kids living off their parents that is a quantum leap of an assumption about our families. What about lending your kids money to get married?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2009, 08:20 PM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 27 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,512 posts, read 14,350,116 times
Reputation: 23384
Quote:
Originally Posted by Laura707 View Post
This thread is not about reverse mortgages, it is about kids wanting to borrow your retirement funds.



Toborg was just using that as an example and how ( I am assuming) some of these children would look at it.

It is not a medical emergency, no major disaster.. They just need some cash to make their life easier during these hard times with the economy like it is these days.... Hay, and keep in mind that your retirement funds have already taken a big hit because of the economy.
Missed this the first time around.
So this is just about making someone's life easier?
No, a thousand times no. Who said life was supposed to be easy? If that's the case I want a refund, I've been gypped.
Seriously, if it were a case of real need I'd do it, if there were no better alternatives. Saving someone from having to make a lifestyle change doesn't exactly count as real need in my book though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-30-2009, 10:52 PM
 
Location: Conservative in Liberal California
1,663 posts, read 2,266,509 times
Reputation: 11303
I once heard that if you can't afford to give your children money, then you shouldn't loan it in the first place. In other words, don't really expect it back. But if you do get it back, that's great! It sounds like good advice to me!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top