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Old 10-01-2009, 01:46 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,911 posts, read 25,394,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carmac View Post
I once heard that if you can't afford to give your children money, then you shouldn't loan it in the first place. In other words, don't really expect it back. But if you do get it back, that's great! It sounds like good advice to me!!
Great advice. If you give them the money, you won't be hurt when they fail to pay it back. If you can't give them the money, they need to find other options or do without. After all, what will they do when you are gone? They have to take care of themselves.
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:55 AM
 
9,807 posts, read 13,493,536 times
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Judge Judy's advice is never to loan money to a relative or friend.

If you can addord it and want to help, you give the money and don't expect payback.

Thus friendships aren't lost when there is a default.

Co-signing is another mistake parents make.
If the kids can't get the loan on their own, they should put it off for awhile
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Old 10-01-2009, 07:08 AM
 
13,773 posts, read 33,969,550 times
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If you can't afford to lose it.. then don't lend it.

I recommend don't do it. I can tell you from personal experience, they will promise to pay you back but you will never see it. There is always something that is more pressing than paying back Mom or Dad. I am sure they do intend to pay you back one day.. if you live that long. It will also cause a lot of hard feelings on your part.. not on theirs unless you ask for a payment

Last edited by Keeper; 10-01-2009 at 07:16 AM..
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Old 10-01-2009, 08:00 AM
 
9,807 posts, read 13,493,536 times
Reputation: 8164
Quote:
Originally Posted by Keeper View Post
If you can't afford to lose it.. then don't lend it.

I recommend don't do it. I can tell you from personal experience, they will promise to pay you back but you will never see it. There is always something that is more pressing than paying back Mom or Dad. I am sure they do intend to pay you back one day.. if you live that long. It will also cause a lot of hard feelings on your part.. not on theirs unless you ask for a payment

I would also add ( if there is more than one kid ) a sure way to start a family fued is for the parents to dole out money to one while the rest are making it on their own.
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Old 10-01-2009, 01:44 PM
 
13,357 posts, read 25,639,183 times
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I still don't think parents/grandparents OWE their grown young ones a thing, certainly not retirement money that the elders need. Inheritance is a choice (if available), not a requirement. I hear people say, "Well, who else would I leave it to" while searching for some distant blood relative. My answer, anyone you want. Send your hairdresser's kid to college. Charitable causes that you always supported.
I guess I never got that people were supposed to stow up assets to give when they die. Also, a lot of seniors need those assets seriously for long-term care, household help, etc., seeing as so many of us live long enough to have expensive needs.
I never knew that elders were supposed to supply weddings, never mind loan or pay for. "Getting married" costs a license, maybe a nice suit/dress, and a nice dinner out. Anything else is extra. The idea that the "average" wedding costs some $22K is obscene, and I don't think it helps people to become well married, in fact, quite the opposite. Paying for a wedding harks back to the dowry world, where you were unloading a financial liability (a girl) and therefore should pay to unload her.
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Old 10-01-2009, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,356 posts, read 16,379,559 times
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While we have loaned money to our kids (well one son actually), I'll draw the line at our retirement funds. They can have what's left after we die. My wife may feel differently about it, but fortunately she's unable to do it.

And no, I don't expect to get paid back, even though he says he will. I'm sure that new car will beckon first when he has extra funds.
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Old 10-01-2009, 03:30 PM
 
12,847 posts, read 14,154,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
Paying for a wedding harks back to the dowry world, where you were unloading a financial liability (a girl) and therefore should pay to unload her.
Maybe...but if a marriage went sour, the dowry was supposed to go back with the bride. Try getting your investment in a couple's wedding back when they split.
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Old 10-01-2009, 04:24 PM
 
472 posts, read 647,785 times
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I always liked the bumper sticker on the RV "We're spending our kid's inheritance."
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Old 10-01-2009, 05:27 PM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,497,919 times
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This delima was about a friend of mine who's child had come wanting to borrow money. He faithfully promised to pay it back and of coarse he hasn't and she hasn't seen him since... that was over a year ago.

Now she sits and wonders how he could do that to his own mother and is so disappointed in him that it breaks her heart.

This is not the first time I have seen this happen and I wonder what the world is coming to that adult kids do this to their parents on retirement. I just wondered how everyone else felt about dipping your retirement for something like this. Seeing it could be considered part of their inheritance and therefore possibly feeling entitled to it was a real eye opener for me so I did learn something from the responses.

I know I could live a lot better lifestyle right now if I weren't worried about being a burden to my own kids when I retire in a few years and trying to stash away as much as I can for my retirement. I have a few more years before I retire and hope I can go beyond that and keep working and keep stashing away... I am doing without all the extras so I can have a little better life once I do retire.. NOT so that I can give it to the grown kids..
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Old 10-01-2009, 06:32 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,562,476 times
Reputation: 29084
If the child(ren)'s predicament is predictable and preventable, they're on their own. If it's dire then I would lend only so much as I could afford never to see again without future dire consequences to myself.
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