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Old 10-01-2009, 07:24 PM
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
16,133 posts, read 20,859,935 times
Reputation: 8293


I don't lend money to my children, I give it to them. If I get it back I am pleasantly surprised.
One child has returned every penny I ever gave him plus some. The other knows I would rather she spend the money she would return improving the lives of my grandchildren.
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Old 10-01-2009, 10:20 PM
13,352 posts, read 25,625,436 times
Reputation: 20637
If someone is planning to leave money to kids/grandkids/whoever, and the money is available now (NOT borrowing from retirement...) it's more useful to give it in increments as a tax-free gift. I think the current limit is something like $11K a year- you can give it, and someone can receive it with no tax implications for either party.
Of course, if someone had that much money, I guess it wouldn't be a question on this forum.
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Old 10-02-2009, 06:28 AM
Location: DC Area, for now
3,517 posts, read 12,066,042 times
Reputation: 2141
Originally Posted by Laura707 View Post
This delima was about a friend of mine who's child had come wanting to borrow money. He faithfully promised to pay it back and of coarse he hasn't and she hasn't seen him since... that was over a year ago.

Now she sits and wonders how he could do that to his own mother and is so disappointed in him that it breaks her heart.

This is not the first time I have seen this happen and I wonder what the world is coming to that adult kids do this to their parents on retirement. I just wondered how everyone else felt about dipping your retirement for something like this. Seeing it could be considered part of their inheritance and therefore possibly feeling entitled to it was a real eye opener for me so I did learn something from the responses.

I know I could live a lot better lifestyle right now if I weren't worried about being a burden to my own kids when I retire in a few years and trying to stash away as much as I can for my retirement. I have a few more years before I retire and hope I can go beyond that and keep working and keep stashing away... I am doing without all the extras so I can have a little better life once I do retire.. NOT so that I can give it to the grown kids..
When a child is raised by giving him/her every request and is never made to pay for his/her own mistakes, the child thinks (quite logically) that the parent is a patsy who can be manipulated out of more and more funds. Is it any wonder that such a child grows up so completely self-absorbed that he/she doesn't mind stealing the retirement money and doesn't care that the parent is now destitute? The estrangement is predictable - don't want to have to answer for the scam or see the results of it.

Our propensity for not calling dishonest and manipulative behavior what it is and making excuses for dishonest children is why so many are so manipulative and dishonest. Every little cheat a child does when small is reinforced with each time they get away with it.

This rather predictable outcome is why we have old adages such as:
As you sow, so shall you reap
How sharper than a serpent's tooth is an ungrateful child
Never lend money to a relative

and so on. Twas ever so...
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Old 10-03-2009, 02:43 PM
Location: Grove City, Ohio
10,149 posts, read 12,420,655 times
Reputation: 14013
Originally Posted by Laura707 View Post
Would you dig into your retirement money to loan it to one of your kids?
1% chance of that happening.

It would literally have to be life/death issue and simply being foreclosed on doesn't count as a life/death issue.

Kidney transplant to save their life? They would get it all without asking.

Stupidly purchased a house they couldn't afford? Tough luck, next time buy something you can afford.

I did everything for my kids. We paid for private schools, we provided tutors, I purchased new cars for them when they turned 17 so they didn't have to worry about buying a car but going to college.

I paid all the college tuition bills including spending money so they wouldn't have to have a job while going. Their job was to get the best grades and make the most of what I was spending on them.

I figure we spent at least $80,000 on each for a four year degree and that isn't counting what my wife gave her babies I didn't know about.

While I paid for everything we had a rule I made very plain. 30 days after graduation they would be on their own. In that 30 days after graduation they could live at home, sponge money off me and their mom all they wanted, eat and drink from our refrigerator and sleep in the beds they slept in as children but on day 30 after graduation they had to be out of here. I made it clear I didn't invest $250,000 per kid to have a lifetime sponge.
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Old 10-04-2009, 06:50 AM
Location: Las Vegas
13,908 posts, read 25,382,379 times
Reputation: 26461
Good responses. Kidney transplant, yes, if they really had no other alternatives. Anything else, no.

Here's the deal. We all have to live without the safety net of parents at some time in our lives. Might as well get used to it. The kids have to be self sufficient and take care of their own families. If we continue to give them everything and bail them out, they will never learn to take care of themselves. Who is going to bail them out when we are gone? I wouldn't be supporting adult children even if I had the money for these very reasons. Yeah, times are hard. Suck it up and get on with it.

Don't be promising big inheritances either. The way things are with healthcare today, we are all one illness away from bankruptcy. If they get something, let it be a last sweet surprise. Not something they were counting on. And probably have already spent!
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Old 10-04-2009, 09:38 PM
187 posts, read 567,414 times
Reputation: 109
a bigger amount::NO,NO AND NO!!!
not my retirement!!!!!but he and his familly can live in my house,have a roof over his head,can eat at my house and i would help them pay a medical insurance,let them drive my car or buy them a second hand cheap car..do you wnat more??no problem,go working and rebuild your future but do not take from your old mother and father!!!period!like it or not!!

if it is a smaller amount under 10000,yes i lend it to him with a promisory note!!i have to take care of the money of my grandchildren!!if he made generally bad decision with his money,then he will not be able to take care of his heritage ,so my grandchildren will get it!!

if it is a big healthy issue..yes,i would sell everything i have and gave all the money i have to save him and leave in a travel trailer...or in worst conditions...in such situation i would never let my child down...health issues any time...

Last edited by Buburuza 1313; 10-04-2009 at 09:46 PM..
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