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Old 11-07-2009, 08:38 AM
 
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With the economy and job market being the way it is, many people are electing or having to work the Friday after Thanksgiving and their ability to travel may be limited.
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Old 11-07-2009, 09:00 AM
 
Location: SW MO
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We recently moved slightly over 2,000 miles away from most of our children and grandchildren. Needless to say, we'll likely spend most holidays alone, but not all. I believe they still fly airplanes and our older grandchildren want to come visit often and enjoy the lake. Given all the way you can communicate in this day-and-age, including web-cams, there is no reason to feel isolated and alone.

Just the two of us will enjoy the holidays whether there's family gathered around or not. Both of us grew up in the military so we're used to being "removed" from both family and friends and it doesn't hinder our enjoyment of the events and one another a bit.

I think it's as much a mind-set as it is proximity. Plan something special just for the two of you! Make a day of it and make new memories. They're the best gift of all.
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Old 11-07-2009, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,668,169 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
Am I being too sensitive, or is this the way it always goes? One son is in Afghanistan, so he's excused. One son is in North Carolina, so he's reluctantly excused. One is 3 hours away and is not excused. One is local and I don't know his plans yet.
Am I being unrealistic to expect all my chicks to want to gather for holidays, or is this just to be expected? Most of my friend's children seem to get together for the holidays, so I don't get it. I should add that there are not rifts or reasons that I know of that they would be avoiding us. We're really nice, have lots of friends our age and are not weird old people.
I fear I may spend Thanksgiving sobbing into my Stove Top for two.
You need to accept things for what they are and create your own holiday celebration and don't rely on your kids to do it for you. You say "....avoiding us" so I am assuming you have a spouse and won't really be alone as many people are. Your kids have their own lives and if they aren't able to spend the time with you on holidays that doesn't mean they don't love you.

You are already complaining and you don't yet even know if your local child is planning to be with you. You say your son in Afghanistan is "excused" and your son in North Carolina is "excused" but your son three hours away is "not excused." Your attitude is one of obligation and not celebration. Do you want them to visit out of a sense of duty or because they truly want to?

If you spend the day sobbing into your Stove-Top over this, your kids may be avoiding you because you are too dependent on them. As far as your friends' kids visiting them, every family has different circumstances. Maybe your friends' kids are more willing to visit because they don't feel pressure to do so. I'm just sayin.'

Maybe you can do some good instead of feeling sorry for yourself. There are so many things you can do to keep busy and so some good. You can invite geographical transplants whose family is far away to celebrate Thanksgiving with you. Why not volunteer to help shelters feed the homeless? Or just stay home and count your blessings that you do have this great family and that they are all successful and happy.
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Old 11-07-2009, 06:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DubbleT View Post
Inlaws?
Kids wanting to start their own family tradition?

My MIL always wanted us to come for C'mas and Thanksgiving, year after year. My folks lived too far away to want to do it every year, so didn't really have to deal with that too. It can get kind of tough trying to please two ( or more) sets of parents and wanting to start your own family traditions too. Any chance you can visit one of them instead?
-----"kids wanting to start their own traditions"--

I wonder if those--kids--realize that starting a "new tradition" of excluding the grandparents will soon be coming back to bite them a few years down the road
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Old 11-07-2009, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Westchester County, NY
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Is it possible for you to plan a "visit" with one of your children and their family (if applicable) during Thanksgiving week? That's what we did the first year both of our children moved out of state (two children, two different states, two different ends of the country) and could not come spend the holidays with us. We spent Thanksgiving week with one and Christmas week with the other. Different? Expensive? Worth it? Absolutely! Point is if you can go to them, put the ball in your court and run. If not, make the best of the situation. If you are not up to having guests other than your children and grandchildren, enjoy your traditional dinner with hubby and then do something a little different to fill the afternoon--rent a movie, go out to a movie, play monopoly, etc. Good luck. Happy Thanksgiving.
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:06 PM
JS1
 
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I have the opposite problem. I would like to be invited to my mother's for Thanksgiving but she won't do it.
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:15 PM
 
29,782 posts, read 34,871,258 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
-----"kids wanting to start their own traditions"--

I wonder if those--kids--realize that starting a "new tradition" of excluding the grandparents will soon be coming back to bite them a few years down the road
I wonder how many of us waited for both sets of parents to pass before we stopped going to their house for the holidays? I wonder if we waited for their passing before we started having it ourselves? If your kids buy a new house don't be surprised if they want to have a first Thanksgiving in the new house. I wonder if she was invited to any of her kids houses for the day?
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:28 PM
 
4,131 posts, read 13,313,151 times
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Why not just go out to a restaurant or have her over? There's plenty of time to make a reservation. Her health may not be up to par and she may not be up to company, she may have entertained a lot in the past and is at a point where she doesnt want to do it again. It's not really about where you go but it's about getting together w/ those you love (most of the time anyway, j/k!)

Quote:
Originally Posted by JS1 View Post
I have the opposite problem. I would like to be invited to my mother's for Thanksgiving but she won't do it.
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Old 11-07-2009, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,124 posts, read 45,641,400 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
You need to accept things for what they are and create your own holiday celebration and don't rely on your kids to do it for you. You say "....avoiding us" so I am assuming you have a spouse and won't really be alone as many people are. Your kids have their own lives and if they aren't able to spend the time with you on holidays that doesn't mean they don't love you.

You are already complaining and you don't yet even know if your local child is planning to be with you. You say your son in Afghanistan is "excused" and your son in North Carolina is "excused" but your son three hours away is "not excused." Your attitude is one of obligation and not celebration. Do you want them to visit out of a sense of duty or because they truly want to?

If you spend the day sobbing into your Stove-Top over this, your kids may be avoiding you because you are too dependent on them. As far as your friends' kids visiting them, every family has different circumstances. Maybe your friends' kids are more willing to visit because they don't feel pressure to do so. I'm just sayin.'

Maybe you can do some good instead of feeling sorry for yourself. There are so many things you can do to keep busy and so some good. You can invite geographical transplants whose family is far away to celebrate Thanksgiving with you. Why not volunteer to help shelters feed the homeless? Or just stay home and count your blessings that you do have this great family and that they are all successful and happy.
So I guess the answer to my question is: many kids don't come home for holidays for various reasons. But what's wrong with kids doing something that is important to their parents out of a sense of duty. Like all the things we did for them out of a sense of duty?
I'm just bummed because mine aren't. I assure you I do not lay any guilt trip on them at all.
We are invited to some friends for Thanksgiving, but I really don't want to go there and make cheerful chit chat with their goofy relatives. I wanted to be with my own family. If I knew any one who would be alone for Thanksgiving I would surely invite them, but I don't.
I also am well aware of the benefits of helping the less fortunate on holidays, but we really don't have any places like that around here.
I assure you that I will not be pouting or voicing my displeasure, but will cheerfully lie about how I hope they have a super fun holiday, and I certainly do count my blessings that they are healthy and happy.
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Old 11-07-2009, 09:55 PM
 
Location: So. Dak.
13,495 posts, read 34,068,176 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
-----"kids wanting to start their own traditions"--

I wonder if those--kids--realize that starting a "new tradition" of excluding the grandparents will soon be coming back to bite them a few years down the road
Bingo!!! I also liked the comment about the appt. with the attorney. LOL

Gentle, I don't think you're being overly sensitive. I think the children are being thoughtless. Maybe some day they'll wish they'd have spent more time with you while they could and have regrets.

Sorry, I just don't buy into this "starting new traditions" stuff at all. My heart goes out to you because I can totally understand why you feel let down by the very people who should love you. Maybe you and your husband need to start a new tradition. How about a trip to the tropics???
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