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Old 08-18-2015, 09:08 AM
 
3,990 posts, read 3,213,883 times
Reputation: 12970

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Quote:
Originally Posted by L James View Post
I have texted and phoned and face booked way too many times without response. I am not a friend, I am a parent and grandparent and think I have earned some little crumb of respect over the years. What it tells me when I try to communicate is that I want them in my life. I guess if they want us in their lives, they would try once in a while as well.
I am far from a grumpy crabby person...just hurt at the lack of respect.
The fact that they are not responding has nothing to do with the method of communication. I still agree, and love the comment, that the phone can hold one hostage. I have done far more communicating with family and friends from texting, email, and facebook, than I ever did on the phone. I have kept in touch with dozens more people without the agony of talking on the phone with them.

I love seeing a note, or a picture, or a joke posted from a friend. That just can't be done with a phone conversation.

I may be wrong, but I have to wonder if, back when telephones first came to use, if people didnt also say, I aint using that dang phone, who wants to talk to some little metal mouthpiece? Im gonna talk to them in person or not talk to them at all! I want to be able to see who Im talking to.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.
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Old 08-18-2015, 11:22 AM
 
1,560 posts, read 1,548,891 times
Reputation: 1637
I'm writing this from the viewpoint of the OP's kids------and I'm a male.

It's easy to lose touch with parents when they don't live close by. We have less in common---they'll ask me on the phone, "hey, what have you been up to?" I'm not sure how to respond----they live a couple hundred miles away so it's hard to say I've basically been throwing the football with my son since the last time I spoke to them. I just don't have much to say to them.

I have vowed that once I'm retired I will do everything I can to live closer to my kids....even if it's only for a few months a year----my home base will be in Florida, but instead of traveling to Europe on vacation, I'll rent a house/apartment/hotel close to my kids for a couple months a year.

And I won't be shy to invite myself over....not after doing all the stuff I've done for my kids. And if my kids blow me off? Okay---I'll watch my grandkids and have a relationship with them (that'll probably be more fun anyways! ha). I know they'll accept free babysitting----they want to use me? I'll use them for my grandkids.

Last edited by flashes1; 08-18-2015 at 11:32 AM..
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Old 08-18-2015, 11:33 AM
 
496 posts, read 520,782 times
Reputation: 1626
Your kids are probably busier than you were when you were raising them. Every grandchild is into 3-4 sports, camps, etc. It is difficult to find time for the parents. I email, I text and half the time, this method of communication goes un-returned. It used to hurt my feelings, but now I just roll with the flow. I am not hearing their bad news.....not hearing about my son's divorce....not hearing about kid problems.....and they aren't borrowing money from me. So, all is good. Those of us who are older need to get out of the "kid" mode and into doing those bucket list items we thought we might have wanted to do. Get out of the chair, shut off the television and enjoy this last trimester of our lives. AND because of the lack of communication or whatever you deem fair....you can leave whatever you choose or do not choose to your heirs. I have learned.....I don't have to be fair. Kind of freeing at this point in my life. Shoot, until I read these posts....I thought I was the only grandmother who only heard from the kids at birthdays and at Christmas. We are all in the same boat.
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Old 08-18-2015, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnKrause1 View Post
Your kids are probably busier than you were when you were raising them. Every grandchild is into 3-4 sports, camps, etc. It is difficult to find time for the parents. I email, I text and half the time, this method of communication goes un-returned. It used to hurt my feelings, but now I just roll with the flow. I am not hearing their bad news.....not hearing about my son's divorce....not hearing about kid problems.....and they aren't borrowing money from me. So, all is good. Those of us who are older need to get out of the "kid" mode and into doing those bucket list items we thought we might have wanted to do. Get out of the chair, shut off the television and enjoy this last trimester of our lives. AND because of the lack of communication or whatever you deem fair....you can leave whatever you choose or do not choose to your heirs. I have learned.....I don't have to be fair. Kind of freeing at this point in my life. Shoot, until I read these posts....I thought I was the only grandmother who only heard from the kids at birthdays and at Christmas. We are all in the same boat.
Great observations. OTOH, I kind of disagree that the adult kids are any more busy than we were. I usually worked two jobs while DH ran his own solo business. We had a bunch of kids and they were all into sports and other things we had to drive them RT. We had zero time for leisure or trips. We were far busier than they. AND on top of that we made time to help and visit (in person!) both aging mothers and a grandmother. And yet today our grown kids often don't keep closely in touch, sometimes weeks go by. I hear worse stories and I really have to wonder.

ETA: I do hear about their leisure activities though. (–:
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Old 08-18-2015, 12:28 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,876,213 times
Reputation: 6291
We are busier in a really odd way. Right now, I am busy communicating with a bunch of strangers. My parents never did this. I also post in more personal places where I know everyone that will read my post, but some are friends I really wasn't all that close to but have kept up with only because it is easy. The people my parents kept up with were not part of such a large pool of people. It is easy to go quite a while between true personal conversations with someone without realizing it. "How can she feel like I am neglecting her? Just the other day I liked that picture of her cat..."
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Old 08-18-2015, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,967,079 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReachTheBeach View Post
We are busier in a really odd way. Right now, I am busy communicating with a bunch of strangers. My parents never did this.
That is elective business, in retirement. Real busy-ness is when you hardly have time to take a ______.
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Old 08-18-2015, 03:00 PM
 
4 posts, read 2,481 times
Reputation: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverBird View Post
Great observations. OTOH, I kind of disagree that the adult kids are any more busy than we were. I usually worked two jobs while DH ran his own solo business. We had a bunch of kids and they were all into sports and other things we had to drive them RT. We had zero time for leisure or trips. We were far busier than they. AND on top of that we made time to help and visit (in person!) both aging mothers and a grandmother. And yet today our grown kids often don't keep closely in touch, sometimes weeks go by. I hear worse stories and I really have to wonder.

ETA: I do hear about their leisure activities though. (:

Best response I have seen so far.
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Old 08-18-2015, 04:21 PM
Status: "We The North" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
25,757 posts, read 13,399,507 times
Reputation: 11666
I live about 125 miles from my sons. Neither is married. I text daily with the oldest. We're both sports fans and text each other during games. I text with the youngest 2-3 times a week. He's not into sports and works odd shifts so we only touch base here and there.
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Old 08-18-2015, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,834 posts, read 14,349,419 times
Reputation: 30683
Quote:
Originally Posted by wlaker View Post
They want me to use facebook or send them text messages on my phone. I don't know how to text and would like to hear their voices.
Learn how to text. That's how most younger people communicate. Use FB. You have ways to communicate; you just want to do this on your terms. It is obvious that isn't working.

I text my kids all the time. We seldom talk on the phone.
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Old 08-18-2015, 08:21 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
4,475 posts, read 3,313,911 times
Reputation: 13767
Quote:
Originally Posted by flashes1 View Post
It's easy to lose touch with parents when they don't live close by. We have less in common---they'll ask me on the phone, "hey, what have you been up to?" I'm not sure how to respond----they live a couple hundred miles away so it's hard to say I've basically been throwing the football with my son since the last time I spoke to them. I just don't have much to say to them.
Yup. I have several family members, and old friends too, that I enjoy spending time in person with...hanging out, having dinner, catching a movie, doing some activity or project together. But we don't really have anything to chat about on the phone on a regular basis unless there's an emergency or something.

A lot of what seems to be the default conversational topics - work, house renovations, vacations, etc. - are plenty interesting to DO but not very interesting for someone who isn't there. And don't even get me started on people who have a "conversation" by just listing the minutia of their health issues. If you don't have many shared interests, or important updates or juicy gossip to tell of, sometimes there just isn't much of mutual interest to say.
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