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Old 11-18-2009, 07:29 AM
 
136 posts, read 369,937 times
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I know how you feel as it seems my children rarley call,in fact when they do call I think something is wrong.When I call them they seem to be so busy and stop what they are doing to talk with me that I keep it short. So I surprised them and moved back from Arizona this year and now things are much better in person,we seem to spend more time together,but doing things we had not done before such as lunch dates,softball with the grandchildren etc.I just had to realize that they have a schedule with their families and now I work with that schedule.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:12 AM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,955,483 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Samantha S View Post
Okay, then my question for you would be: Do you want to stay involved and up to date in their lives? Or do you just want to stew and whine about this?

Sorry to be so harsh, but as the working mother of two active kids, I don't have time to sit down and write my mom a letter and most weekends I wouldn't have time to spend hours on the phone with her. But even with my folks 4 hours away, we are very close and they know pretty much everything that's going on and stay in touch frequently. Frequently as in several times a week, although not always by phone.

So if you want to keep up with them - you have to make the effort to do it.

Get a computer and get on Facebook if that's what they are doing. You can learn, it's not that hard and even my 90 year old grandmother knows how to e-mail!

Here's the thing: By doing this, you will keep up with the small details of their lives. You will know what they are up to. THEN, when you talk to them on the phone, conversations will be easier and more flowing, because you will already feel a part of their everyday lives.

And lastly, you should call once a week, but you shouldn't wait for them to call on a Sunday and then stew for a week when they don't. That's just childish on your part.

Again, sorry to be so harsh, but this is an easy problem to fix if for a pretty small effort on your part. The world isn't going to bend to suit you, but if you want this, you can MAKE it happen. Get on it Grandma!!!

I see more and more like this tha have time for face book ;the internet but not for family. kids that stay palying video games and text messaging all the time. It's a prioty thing in my opinion ;not a time problem really.
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Old 11-18-2009, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Hawaii
1,707 posts, read 6,396,546 times
Reputation: 1062
Don't blame your children for the loss of family because you moved, that's your fault. I moved to Hawaii and don't hear a lot from my kids either. It doesn't bother me because I know they're caught up trying to survive in todays economy and world. Move back or think about being a snow bird.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:13 AM
 
12,705 posts, read 14,085,285 times
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I am 71 now, but I still cringe at the torture of those phone calls from my retired parents!

When grown kids live near their parents, they are much more likely to have things in common. And the parents are involved in a world and in activities that the kids know about - in short, there is something currently shared to talk about.

But I know that my experience with my retired parents was not unique, I have heard far, far too many similar stories to believe that: those Sunday morning phone calls at the same time every time, followed by the same reports of we played golf, we went to the special at the Red Lobster, we went and walked the mall, milk is so expensive here, etc. etc...............zzzzzzzzzzzzz. I listened out of duty, but certainly not pleasure. And as far as hearing about "news" on my end, I could hear them zzzzzzzzzzzzz-ing out when I talked about what was going on in my life, because they had zero interest or connection with it. Every one of those phone calls was like those "Blast from the Past" radio stations that play the same ancient music over and over again.

You can love your parents, you can respect your parents, you can do your duty, but that doesn't mean that you don't grow apart from parents, or brothers and sisters too for that matter. It is very, very difficult to stay involved with anyone when your life changes and the present relationship with someone is increasingly based on the past. You end up with a relationship based on small talk.

My only relationship that survived growing up was with a maternal aunt, who had lived with us for quite a long stretch. She remained active, involved in life, curious, had new friends, new ideas, new experiences...and even living her last ten years in a nursing home, she was still learning, still experiencing, still having new ideas, new thoughts. Until six months before she died at age 95 she was one of the best and closest friends I ever had - but she had so more more to offer than just touching base with our past relationship.

I am coming to the conclusion that retiring away from one's kids may be one of the lousiest ideas to ever come down the pike.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,421 posts, read 37,822,098 times
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Absolutely, get on Facebook! And get on Gmail and learn to IM! I have one daughter in Canada, a son in San Antonio, we're in Austin. We "talk" on a daily or every other day basis, I see photos (and share photos with them), we're more in touch than we were when they were living in the same town! Plus, I get to hear about things as they're happening.

Do I miss grabbing one of them for a hug? Yep, I do, but I get BIG hugs when we see each other. Do I want to hear their voice? Yes, I do, but we do talk often enough to take care of that for the most part, especially since I hear their real "voice" (what they're thinking about on a daily basis) via Facebook and IMing.

If you really need the face to face and voice, perhaps a set-up where you could talk to them via Skype would work. When my daughter was in the Cayman Islands for a few months, we got to tour their apartment and environs while they talked to us and took a camera hooked to the computer around, all while sitting in Texas!

There's new ways to communicate. For some, just as astounding and intimidating as the telephone no doubt was to an earlier generation. Think of it that way, and jump right in (it really is easier than it would seem when you're new to it). That they have asked that you get a Facebook account is a clear indicator that they want to be in more constant communication. (I got mine after my daughter nagged and nagged me to get one, and now I wonder why on earth it took me so long and why I was resisting!)
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:43 AM
 
12,705 posts, read 14,085,285 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady View Post
Absolutely, get on Facebook! And get on Gmail and learn to IM! I have one daughter in Canada, a son in San Antonio, we're in Austin. We "talk" on a daily or every other day basis, I see photos (and share photos with them), we're more in touch than we were when they were living in the same town! Plus, I get to hear about things as they're happening.....
I really think you nailed it. Being able to talk via the computer when something is right on my front burner (or the other persons) is where it's at. It's the closest thing to being right there with them.

"Saving" these moments for a phone call just doesn't work.

I have a friend - a much younger one - who resisted using the computer, but when her daughter went away to school in another country she finally had her teenage son teach her to use email. It is been such a great thing for her, and the bonus is that she now also uses it for her local friends to drop off a quick note, change of plans, etc.
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Old 11-18-2009, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,954 posts, read 7,395,135 times
Reputation: 16288
Todday's world is all about the computer. Calling on the phone seems to be a foreign concept. Hard to accept the new ways - understand your hurt feelings. I doubt that they don't think about you, but their mode of comminication is different than ours was. Best of luck to you!! Makes me wonder how my mom felt.
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:15 PM
 
6,264 posts, read 4,737,090 times
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When I retire - in a few months - I hope to be so busy that I have no time to worry about what the kids are doing. If they try to call they might have a wait if we are out camping and have no cell phone service.
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:30 PM
 
29,782 posts, read 34,876,173 times
Reputation: 11705
Quote:
Originally Posted by wlaker View Post
They want me to use facebook or send them text messages on my phone. I don't know how to text and would like to hear their voices.
That is the new communication and if you want to communicate you need to adapt. My one son might send me six or more text messages a day. Don't personalize any of this they are hopefully living the rich full life you set them u for. They are allowing you to have a life independent of supporting their families so enjoy it.
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:30 PM
 
628 posts, read 1,774,626 times
Reputation: 511
with most people if they work a normal 9-5 they cannot make personal calls at work--however they may facebook from their computer while working or facebook from their iphone and what not--

I don't know how old your children are but I am 27 and I would much rather spend 10 minutes typing an email and reponding back and forth than calling--calling for me has to be something urgent or if there is no other option (and I generally have to force myself)--you can sensor yourself via email to and respond more clearly--
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