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oh please, I hate being tethered to a phone. Give me computer based communication anytime. I'm 60 and I use about 30 minutes of my monthly minutes on my "car-phone". I don't carry it with me, it stays in the car. If I want to make a long-distance call to my sister who refuses to use the computer I got her, I will trudge out to the car and get the darned car-phone.
I never have a problem understanding what is said in e-mail, but I often have a problem over the phone. So keep the phone for emergencies, and use text is how I think about it.
BTW, 12 years ago, I up and moved away from everyone - and I'm about to do it again. But I still keep in touch with those who are important to me. If I don't get an e-mail, I send one. it's simple.
Well, that is a method of keeping in touch that works for you. Others don't find that sufficient, they probably prefer something more personal and interactive.
I see it from both perspectives. For me, keeping in touch with our kids via e-mail or other internet processes is fine. However, to keep in touch with my parents, who are now in their 80's, I need to call. They refuse to use the computer, even to the point of having disdain for the internet and e-mail.
I call my father and aunt, although my aunt prefers letters. When I write her, I can enlarge the type on the computer so it's easier for her to read. I enjoy talking to them both. Neither one has a computer and both have poor eyesight.
Kids have an overwhelming drive to seperate themselves from their parents and grandparents. It is normal.
The truth is, it is stressful to be around them, even though I love them, and they love me. I have to revert back to the mindset of a 15 year old who "isn't real", I just sit there and pretend to be whatever shining example that they expect me to be. They don't really want to hear about the challenges in my life, and I don't really want to tell them. There's so much childhood baggage, how they perceive me, verses how I really am, and it is stressful to try and maintain this wholesome image that I left behind long ago.
As a parent myself and a daughter, talk to them. They want to hear. At least, as a parent, I do. I want to be a part of my daughter's life and my son's life. My daughter lives out of state but there are times I feel very connected. As a mom, I think you have mom sense. You know when something is wrong. I am a very communicative person and I'm not stupid. I would rather know when something is wrong or troubling, then years down the road, find out that my child felt helpless and alone in dealing with the situation. My children know how I feel about things but they also know I am the fairest person and try not to judge.
When I reach that brick wall with either of them, I just tell them "either you can tell me what's eating you or you can act like a brat" - I'm here to listen, not to judge. Sometimes, it just helps to talk.
I believe in being in honest. If you are away from family and you want to see them, go see them. If money is an issue, tell them. (They may not realize that).
I think families should work together. We just flew our daughter here for Thanksgiving. Even though things have been tight, to have her here for 8 days will be worth every minute in gold.
It was interesting b/c we drove her friend home also. This is a girl who know well and she really opened about her job and what was really happening. Sometimes, you don't get that in e-mail!
Sometimes, even in a family, other think "oh, they're doing great" - when they may not be doing so great. That's also what makes families close.
I would rather help someone in my own family than someone in a foreigh country that I don't even know (the 60 cent per day thing). (I do appreciate those that do).
They want me to use facebook or send them text messages on my phone. I don't know how to text and would like to hear their voices.
I don't want to read all these responses, but I'm sure others had the response I had.
To Hell with Facebook! Don't cave into it against your will, because it is SO impersonal. As much as I'm online, and have many email friends, I'll not do Facebook ~ not even if paid to.
Email is okay but it's only as good as the response from the other end.
I don't have any good suggestions with this, but I DO want to share that I would be VERY disappointed, too.
Last edited by Bluesmama; 11-22-2009 at 12:30 AM..
I don't want to read all these responses, but I'm sure others had the response I had.
To Hell with Facebook! Don't cave into it against your will, because it is SO impersonal. As much as I'm online, and have many email friends, I'll not do Facebook ~ not even if paid to.
Email is okay but it's only as good as the response from the other hand.
I don't have any good suggestions with this, but I DO want to share that I would be VERY disappointed, too.
I too feel this way about Face Book. A friend of mine keeps bugging me to join but like you, I have email pals and message board communities to talk to. Face Book is not for me.
When you move away from children you profess to be close to for the simple unrelated reason of "better weather"....well, I don't care how old they are, they are still children and feel that if you truly cared about them more than better weather then you would not have moved. I think we secretely move away because we don't want to be taken advantage of (they have no life so they can babysit all the time) and we don't want to be involved in their marital problems, or their financial problems and we probably don't really want to visit the grandkid in reform school. You can't have the "old life in the new living situation", so either visit them and stay in a hotel when you do, or make the new life work for you. Despite the fact they are your children....they are adult human beings with adult human being responses and needs. The world doesn't revolve around us....evidence as we age to support this conviction is all around us. God, I can't stand whiners.
Husband and I are in our 50's...picked up 19 months ago and moved from New England to NC sort of pre-retirement. My dad is in his 80's but didn't want to come with us (we would have loved him to but understand his life, friends and my 2 sisters remain up north). I call my dad EVERY day between 7 and 7:30am. He looks forward to my call. It's my way of keeping in touch and letting him know I am thinking about him. He visited twice last year and will be coming down again in February.
On the other hand, we have 2 grown children - both married. Our daughter (and our 3 grandchildren) live in China, 10,000 miles away! We used to live 15 minutes from them before we both relocated. We call them every 2 weeks....she calls sporadically. She never emails me although she knows i am active on the computer. If I email her, I don't get a reply. I chalk it up to their busy lives and try my best to maintain close contact. We've visited them in China once, 2 years ago. They come here each summer.
My son and his wife live in NYC. We are very close and he calls me at least every other day. I long for the day that my daughter and her family move back to the states so we can see them more often. It is likely this will will happen in the next year or 2 but they'll be headed to Montreal for son-in-laws work. At least it is on the same continent. I miss my grandchildren terribly.
LynnKK, I have to disagree with your statement "if you truly cared about them more than better weather then you would not have moved". Not every has moved just because of better weather but because we are not able to afford to live in the same place once retired. We wanted to stay where we were close to family, but it would have meant both of us getting jobs to afford the cost of living there. Maybe it's not an excuse to you, but retirement should mean you don't have to go to work if you don't want to.
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As a parent...
