U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-01-2009, 05:27 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,172,097 times
Reputation: 22373

Advertisements

I have never liked the telephone, even as a kid. Very interruptive. I especially hate it at this stage of my life. I much prefer dealing w/ my clients via email or using IM as we are making corrections or additions to documents or planning. Why? You don't misunderstand if something is written down. Also, you have a record if you have received (or sent) an email.

As far as personal relationships, getting an email is not interruptive. Someone can send me an email at 10 pm at nite and I can read and respond the next day at my convenience, and vice versa.

My son and I use AIM to IM. Right now, while writing this post, my son is also in the background on IM. He just sent me a video (of a song) he thought I would like. I watched it and responded to him. He may not write again for 20 minutes, but if I am away from my computer at that time (dinner) I will have my iPhone w/ me and so I can still immediately respond, even if I am standing at the sink. Using those little keys took time to feel comfortable with, but now I LOVE using AIM on my iPhone (no texting charges). I can stay in touch w/ folks even while outside in the yard. In other words, I am not tied to my computer - for either clients or family.

I use Facebook. My son set me up 2 years ago. I thought - ICK. I never used it. Aggravating. Intrusive. Then a friend set up a "group" on FB for freelancers and I joined the group. Suddenly, things quickly changed. I started getting messages from folks I hadn't seen since high school. Then I figured out how to use it in conjunction with marketing my business. Well. That has been AMAZING!

I get on FB every day, sometimes several times a day. I have it set up on my iPhone, too. My sister, my nephews, some of my cousins and one sister/law regularly share info as well as photos. It is so much fun interacting.

My parents refuse to make the leap into the 21st C despite my sister and all the grandchildren trying to lead them to email, digital photography, FB, etc. Instead, they use an electric typewriter and complain that they can't find the replacement tapes. What is one to do?

I often resent that I have no choice but call my parents to check in with them. If they were "connected," we could literally pop in and out of each other's lives round the clock! Here's a new recipe, mom! Here are some photos of my roses! Here is a great article on drug interactions!

Instead, I have to figure out a time when I can literally schedule an hour to listen to stuff that believe me, would be a LOT more suitable for posting on FB, lol!!! And my mom, god bless her, will go on and on about her sister who said blah blah blah back in 1984 . . . meanwhile, I need to be taking a shower but I can't cause I am trying to be polite and listen to my mom's litany of something that doesn't even make much sense (but is on her mind).

But like others have said . . . she likes to hear my voice. Well, we are only an hour apart! She sees me but she is gonna get offended if I don't play dutiful daughter and hang on the phone b/c THAT IS HOW SHE AND HER MOTHER INTERACTED. Somehow, we are not being caring if we do not call.

Folks, lives are different now. Time management is different. I have kids and g/kids of my own. Believe me, I am fine w/ them sending me an email and not calling for three months. In fact, they call less than that. And they always seem to be in the middle of something when I call them, so I rarely call them.

But we stay in touch!

Others have made great suggestions for staying connected. It doesn't have to just be a phone. Amazing how many people I know who always loved their phones have found that using IM and FB or emails is actually a great way to stay in touch more often!

If I didn't have IM, I don't know when I would hear from my son in college. As it is, we started using AIM back in the 90s, and he would even send me a message nearly every day from school (computer lab) during the day! IT WAS GREAT!!!! Hardly a day has gone by - even when I am traveling or he is out of town with friends - that we haven't connected in all these years. We have cams on our macs and we "see" each other regularly using the cam. He will even contact me at his friends houses while they are studying or from the library! It really doesn't get any better . . . I only wish my parents would make the leap. We would all have them on cam, too!

We all need to get more flexible with how we communicate. My mother told me she would be insulted if she got an e-card instead of a hard copy birthday card in the mail. I had to just shake my head. Time to quit clinging to the "way it has always been" and get with it.

My grandparents, who were born in the 1880s, used to talk about how no one visited anymore on Sunday afternoons. Instead, people would call. I can remember my grandmother telling me as a child - well - a phone call just isn't a substitute for a visit.

Folks . . . my grandparents had to learn that not everyone is gonna have the time on Sundays to get in the car and go visit!!! They had to learn to adjust to the later 20th C. Now my parents are gonna have to learn to adjust to the 21st C. It is called progress and we all need to be flexible - or we will get left behind!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-01-2009, 06:19 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,234,579 times
Reputation: 14870
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
We all need to get more flexible with how we communicate. My mother told me she would be insulted if she got an e-card instead of a hard copy birthday card in the mail.
Our mothers are related

I figured out why she wants the hard-copy though. All the cards go up on the TV - so when her friends come over, they're all on display. It's her way of saying "My children care", without seeming to boast.
::: shrug :::

(Very good post, btw! )
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-01-2009, 06:27 PM
 
Location: State of Being
35,885 posts, read 67,172,097 times
Reputation: 22373
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post
Our mothers are related

I figured out why she wants the hard-copy though. All the cards go up on the TV - so when her friends come over, they're all on display. It's her way of saying "My children care", without seeming to boast.
::: shrug :::

(Very good post, btw! )
Oh, my . . . you just explained why the cards are a big deal. My mother not only puts them up, it is one of the first things she points out when I walk in the door . . . so and so sent me xxx and so did xxx . . . which I gotta tell ya - I don't care a thing about. I would never show her my mail. I am sure it is exactly what you said.

Thanx for the insight. Now, I get it, too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2009, 12:53 AM
 
12,703 posts, read 14,081,338 times
Reputation: 34811
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
....
Folks . . . my grandparents had to learn that not everyone is gonna have the time on Sundays to get in the car and go visit!!! They had to learn to adjust to the later 20th C. Now my parents are gonna have to learn to adjust to the 21st C. It is called progress and we all need to be flexible - or we will get left behind!
I truly liked what you had to say...which means, of course, I agree

But I would make a correction in your closing paragraph. It is not "progress" it is change, and they are not the same.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2009, 03:51 AM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,943,432 times
Reputation: 18050
I don't thnik taht distance can ruin family ties like ti did in teh past. Now days epople fly all teh time. The depresasion certainly started the families being dispursed but you have to do what you have to do. Younger people ahve moved west for centuries ;its not teh family farm days.Its even common nopw days to move when you retire from a work area to a areaa you have liked. Fanily ties survived the great depression;its the peopel taht have changed. they don't even have to write but can pickup a phone ;even e-mail. In some ways I think it makes for stronger people for the son's and daugthers to move on and start their own families;and to be truely independent as too many seem to rely too much on their parents too late in life.Its like the parents that see thier son or daughter change to adulthood after being in teh service or other such self reliaent situation.Hope your mother gets better;we all face that with parents as they age.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2009, 06:34 AM
 
4,346 posts, read 6,058,509 times
Reputation: 10443
Quote:
Originally Posted by Summering View Post
Funny, my children are about that distance also.
I could never go south permanently. I saw how much my Dad, MIL, and my own Mom needed me in their final hours and months/days on this earth.
Why is every post taken as so black or white? I'm barely 60 years old. My husband is 63. We're young, vibrant, travel a lot, and we don't care to scrape our windshields or shovel snow. We get on planes to visit our loved ones. Will we live here forever and die in place, becoming feeble and a long distance burden to our children? Oh, who knows?? We've lived in 3 different states since 2000. Who knows where either or one of us will live when/if this time comes.

All I want to say is pick your geographical locale for yourselves. What makes you happy? Do you like sunshine, cold weather, mountains, ocean? Do it! Go for it! Your children will sure as hell be making their own midlife decisions and they won't be centered around you. And who wants to be packed into the family car like furniture or suitcases and transported along with the family dog to another part of the country because your son or daughter got a better job? Live for yourself. Know what you wand and go for it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2009, 06:49 AM
 
Location: Sunshine N'Blue Skies
13,320 posts, read 20,143,944 times
Reputation: 11645
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
Oh, my . . . you just explained why the cards are a big deal. My mother not only puts them up, it is one of the first things she points out when I walk in the door . . . so and so sent me xxx and so did xxx . . . which I gotta tell ya - I don't care a thing about. I would never show her my mail. I am sure it is exactly what you said.

Thanx for the insight. Now, I get it, too.
Actually after my Mom died.........We found in a drawer all the little cards and notes she had gotten over the years, from the grandchildren, and her children.
She didn't display them, but she loved them enough to keep and cherish them.
Probably not all the cards she had gotten. But, all the special ones. The birth announcements, shower invitations......her birthday cards.
One of my daughters said, " I didn't know Nanny kept all these?" It moved her.

As a grandparent I can say that connections online are just part of ones new World...........I am on facebook with my girls, friends, and high school buddies.
I am on other sites as well. I have been connected for probably 16 years!
Yes, I am one of the ones who would rather not have an Ecard and find them very impersonal. Give me the card with the little scratched out words, and funny misspellings written sideways.........
As much as I love this kind of interaction.........It will never take that place of holding my little fellows hand on the way out from soccer.
It will never be by the bedside of a dying loved one.......
It can't stand on the sidelines of a football game, especially the little guys flag football. When their eyes look out for you on the sidelines.

I lead my own very busy life. My children have their own very busy lives..........
But, we are here, and near, for days that we "can" spend together.
Those days are the "best" days of my life. Together days.........
I'm not going to find them on facebook, or here. I like to look into their eyes and talk with them.......I like to hold their hands.......They are my connection to this World. I feel our time here is short.......be with those you love before its gone.
BTW.........We don't tend to stay around for winters. We take those three months in the South. Its not a long,long, time away........But, gets us where we need to be in winters. I want to be closest to my family in friendship and spirit. Always....Its more important then "me"

Last edited by Summering; 12-02-2009 at 06:54 AM.. Reason: adding
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2009, 07:06 AM
 
232 posts, read 240,992 times
Reputation: 136
Verobeach,

I'm not criticizing you. Everyone should do what they think is best. I was responding to the original writer who was complaining about not seeing her children and family. I was just being snarky with you "do you plan on vacationing by your chidren "because of your comment about "following my children around" and you made it sound like I will interfere with my children's life.


It wasn't until I saw the elders in my family and it wasn't until my son moved back to our area after college that I realized that what was best for me ( my husband and son would miss their fishing days) and what "I" think would be easier for my children when I get older is to live near one. I've seen several relatives move south for their good time then cry about having no visitors because they think that is where their children will vacation every year. they can't understand why friends up north don't want to visit either. Yet they don't want to spend their vacations up north either.
Your fortunate that you can afford to do all the traveling and take time off work to be able to live your life style. Your only 60 it is easy for you to travel now enjoy your family the way you think best and I will enjoy mine the way I think best. Everyone should know what they want and go for it but again my response was in regard to the original poster who was complaining about not seeing or hearing from family.

PS I am living for myself. I prefer to live where I can enjoy family....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-02-2009, 03:22 PM
 
5,090 posts, read 13,548,911 times
Reputation: 6928
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821 View Post
...
Folks . . . my grandparents had to learn that not everyone is gonna have the time on Sundays to get in the car and go visit!!! They had to learn to adjust to the later 20th C. Now my parents are gonna have to learn to adjust to the 21st C. It is called progress and we all need to be flexible - or we will get left behind!
I do agree with the previous post that corrects your post, that change in not always progress. Was wrong with being left behind and who says it is "behind"--it is just a different choice, that is made.

I can guarantee you that there are many families that are close, keep in touch and visit each other very frequently. Yes, there are many extended families that have made the decision to stay together, near each other, from one generation after another. These families have given up more pay, job promotions and individual interest, just to have families closer. I am not saying that these people are better people than those who make other choices--it is just a difference that makes up our society.

I find that families that stay in one area for generations do become help the stability of a region and maintain traditions. However, an area does need new new people which will mix with the older long established families or the area will "inbreed" with tired ideas and businesses. So, we need two types of people, those who stay and those who leave and enrich another community.

Livecontent
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-03-2009, 04:11 AM
 
136 posts, read 369,889 times
Reputation: 82
Perhaps YOU do not understand what I have written.You spout off saying I must make the change or take the time and if You could understand what was in front of You perhaps You would not have wrote the response.Once again I will tell You that I have moved 2,000 miles to be closer and that things are great.I just had to realize that my children in their late 30's also have a schedule of their own and with working with that we do enjoy many activities.

Last edited by Leaving123; 12-03-2009 at 04:13 AM.. Reason: type-o
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top