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Old 11-20-2009, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Bayside, NY
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I am 70 and retired. My wife has terminal cancer. We had intended to move to Albuquerque next year but of course now everything has changed. I still want to move after she passes. My dilemma is, should I move to Albuquerque where I don't know anyone or should I move to the Houston area (where my son lives)? I know that Houston has miserable humidity during the summer as compared to ABQ's almost perfect weather but the cost of living in Houston is mych lower then ABQ. I am kind of nervous over the thought of moving to a place where I don't know anyone.

What do you think I should do?
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Old 11-20-2009, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Central Mississippi
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At your age, I would suggest you move to Houston where your son lives. Since you will be alone, you may need him someday. I have lived in Houston and visited Albuquerque several times. I like Albuquerque better, but I would like to have someone I know close.
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Old 11-20-2009, 03:31 PM
 
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I would stay in the present and be with my spouse and help her to a good end of life. Then I'd sit down and think and grieve and not do anything major for a while.
Personally, I'd always prefer Albuquerque over Houston, for every reason. Would you be moving to a retirement community, where there'd be a community and other people, or moving cold to an apartment? (I'd go for the former). I'd also consider renting in some such place to see how it goes.
Assuming your health is good (70 isn't that old, is it?) I'd talk to my son about possibilities in the future, but would consider moving to ABQ for my own happiness, if that's what it will bring. You can always move to Houston if need be, later on. And is your son necessarily going to stay in Houston?
I'd take one thing at a time. Finishing your mutual life with your spouse is the biggest, of course, and you will likely be akilter when she passes, regardless of the quality of your marriage. It's a huge change and probably loss. (I say "probably" because I know marriages come in all flavors). But it's disorienting to have your life change so much. I'd go easy on myself. Best wishes.
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Old 11-20-2009, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Bayside, NY
823 posts, read 3,374,499 times
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thanks for the replies.

doglover,

It will take some months after my wife passes before I could move as I have to sell my house first.

I am planning on renting before I buy anything. In Houston I can live with my son before I make a decision. I have 2 dogs and 4 cats so I need a house. My dogs are used to going out back whenever they need to and to suddenly become apartment dogs and have to be walked a few times a day could be pretty unsettling for them. I also have 4 cats. If not for all of these pets I would consider buying a condo. The only way I would move into an over 55 community is if it had houses.

I think the best option would be for me to live with my son in Houston. If I like it there I can always buy or rent a place and if not then I can move to Houston.
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Old 11-21-2009, 02:03 PM
 
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Best wishes to you and bless you for loyalty to your critters, too.
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Old 11-22-2009, 12:15 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,569 posts, read 39,944,045 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I would stay in the present and be with my spouse and help her to a good end of life. Then I'd sit down and think and grieve and not do anything major for a while.
Personally, I'd always prefer Albuquerque over Houston, for every reason. ...

But it's disorienting to have your life change so much. I'd go easy on myself. Best wishes.
I like this advice , but lots of options and choices are pretty open.

I too feel it is good to have a plan B, and can be a good dream for you during the difficulties of this time. 70 is not very old, I would keep 'light on my feet'. My very good friend lost his wife 15yrs ago. He kept pursuing the dreams they had together, and he is doing very well today at age 94! They were so much fun to be with and he has kept that identity alive. (He has a very fast car ). She helped him pick out the colors and equipment in her last days. He has been well cared for by his daughters. Currently lives on his own & has lots of computer and photo equipment which he fully utilizes to make presentations for local camera and hiking clubs.

I would have a tough time staying in Houston, I think an opportunity to enjoy NM might be nice + there may be some other places that will work well for you. Here is a place in West TX, that sounds good to me. I met some residents last spring and they really like it, there is a lot of community support. Palo Duro Retirement Village_Home The pets bring a special challenge, but not insurmountable. Trivial stuff to what you face each day and previously in life.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you. I've done hospice for families that had a tough time handling it. I consider it a privilege and can cry with the best of them.
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Old 11-22-2009, 12:03 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,922,814 times
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One thing about Houston is it has the #1 rated cancer center in MD Anderson cancer center and of course a great medical center.God Bless
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Old 11-22-2009, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Bayside, NY
823 posts, read 3,374,499 times
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StealthRabbit,

Canyon (where Palo Duro is) has too many earthquakes & tornadoes for my liking but thanks for the suggestion.

texdav,

Here in NY we have access to some of the best cancer treatment & research hospitals in the world.
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Old 11-22-2009, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Utopia
1,999 posts, read 9,443,969 times
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I've lived 22 years in Houston, and, yes, the humidity is draining. However, you have to make the decision if your own health is bad enough to need to be near your son or could you be alone in Albuquerque?
Houston, if you look at the demographics, really does NOT have much of a population over 55. It is a young person's town. Compare it on Sperlingsbestplaces.com and see how many older folks are in each city. You will need other friends other than your son.
However, there is alot to be said for being near your child. If I didn't have other goals that I cannot do in the town he is at I'd stay near my son, also. Then again, my son could be transferred to another city as he is at the start of his career, so....like I said, it is a dilemma.
The other thing is will you want to work part-time? Which city will allow you to find a job? To me, Houston would be a really hard city to find work in at this age and I've lived there.
Pull up the Houston Chronicle on the net and look up jobs, places to live and anything else of interest. This will give you some direction I think.
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Old 11-22-2009, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Bayside, NY
823 posts, read 3,374,499 times
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Tootsie,

I won't be working.

As for age demographics the % of people 60+ in ABQ is 15.5 and Houston is 11.4. I am in good health. I have researched both areas and I have been to both so it all comes down to whether or not I am willing to live where I don't know anyone or not. Who knows whichever one I pick may not turn out to be "the" place. I guess it all comes down to where my head is at when the time comes to make a choice.
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