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Old 12-06-2009, 06:54 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,176 posts, read 8,699,926 times
Reputation: 6199

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When my mom was developing Alzheimers, she got lost a few times. We found her and the car with the car door open (she was sitting on the grass),that was easy - no more car, no more driving. She accepted it.

Let me hear some stories.
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Old 12-07-2009, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Planet Eaarth
8,955 posts, read 17,711,259 times
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Older independent people with infirmities will not welcome the loss of freedom of movement they enjoyed most of their adult life. When the time comes the break must be done with dignity but firmness to assure the older person they it's their turn to be chauffeured about.

I did this with my 90 yr old aunt (since passed at 95) and she came to like being chauffeured about after years of helping others but it wasn't easy at first. We just kept reassuring her that we wouldn't forget her. And we never did.
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Old 12-07-2009, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Alaska
5,356 posts, read 16,352,909 times
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My parents both realized on their own that they should no longer be driving. I think they had a scare of a near accident and the traffic getting worse where they lived factored into it.
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Old 12-07-2009, 02:03 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,668 posts, read 74,646,551 times
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the story could get rough. in progressive diseases the afflicted is asked at some point b4 they go off the edge to be a major player in the decision, fortunately with my loved ones it was a good one.
it is the family member in denial that dies a painful and tragic death.
just b4 and after retirement the sense of power and freedom is enormous. a few short years later the loss of same is unbearable. like going off drugs.
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Old 12-07-2009, 02:07 PM
 
11,256 posts, read 11,273,591 times
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Some readers here may know the saga I've chronicled with my own mother who's in a convalescent hospital now but is desperate to go home, even though I know (but she doesn't) that she will be dead inside a month or two from mismanaging her meds if she does return home.

On the topic, my mother has no Alzheimers and no real dementia other than really bad short-term memory loss, so she's fully expecting to return to driving around like regular. I took the step of selling my late stepfather's auto to the neighbor and her old '86 Corolla is no longer running so she can't drive that. Children in this situation who have stubborn parents should sell the autos while they have the chance. My mother will be angry of course but I'll just have to smooth things over best I can. She just recovered from pneumonia w/o much trouble. She's hardy and that's a blessing but it can also be double -edged sword as I wouldn't put it past her to be able to pass both the written and the driving test and get another license as her old one expired. Then I will be sweating bullets because she is a menace driving on the streets.

Quote:
it is the family member in denial that dies a painful and tragic death.
So true, and my mother is in so much denial she could be crowned queen.
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Old 12-07-2009, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,335,938 times
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We had my father's neurologist tell him he should not be driving and I believe he was secretly relieved! He never drove again or even tried to. My mom just realized she was no longer safe and quit on her own.

Loss of transportation wasn't quite as critical for them because they had already been living with me for several years at that point.
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Old 12-07-2009, 04:02 PM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
2,172 posts, read 6,888,724 times
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I read this story in our local alternate weekly of how one man tried to get his car back.
County Commission Levity : Ear to the Ground : Metro Pulse
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:03 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,176 posts, read 8,699,926 times
Reputation: 6199
Quote:
Originally Posted by thrillobyte View Post
Some readers here may know the saga I've chronicled with my own mother who's in a convalescent hospital now but is desperate to go home, even though I know (but she doesn't) that she will be dead inside a month or two from mismanaging her meds if she does return home.

On the topic, my mother has no Alzheimers and no real dementia other than really bad short-term memory loss, so she's fully expecting to return to driving around like regular. I took the step of selling my late stepfather's auto to the neighbor and her old '86 Corolla is no longer running so she can't drive that. Children in this situation who have stubborn parents should sell the autos while they have the chance. My mother will be angry of course but I'll just have to smooth things over best I can. She just recovered from pneumonia w/o much trouble. She's hardy and that's a blessing but it can also be double -edged sword as I wouldn't put it past her to be able to pass both the written and the driving test and get another license as her old one expired. Then I will be sweating bullets because she is a menace driving on the streets.



So true, and my mother is in so much denial she could be crowned queen.
You haven't met my FIL - stubborn, stubborn. We really care about his well being; just found out he is afraid and locks the doors now. His 'hood is in decline. I guess he realizes that now.
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Old 12-07-2009, 06:28 PM
 
5,090 posts, read 13,552,001 times
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My Father is 88 and my mother is 83. A few years ago I got they qualified for a free bus pass from the local transit which also has a low cost pickup and return to their house and a reduce taxi fare service. This has helped my parents in reducing their driving. These services are available for the disabled in every area. The infirmities of the aged are considered a disability because they cannot no longer walk to a bus stop, understand routes or get lost. I would suggest checking it out in your area.

Livecontent
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Old 12-11-2009, 08:59 AM
 
Location: Baltimore
1,802 posts, read 7,300,546 times
Reputation: 1914
We worried a great deal about my Dad and his driving for a long time before he really started going downhill physically. Although in fairly good physical shape for his age (87 at the time), he was becoming very forgetful and confused about things, and we suspected dementia but he refused to see a doctor about it. He also flat out refused to allow any of my siblings or I to drive him anywhere.

I remember once we were all going to my sister's house in the Washington DC area as a cousin from out-of-state that we hadn't seen in years was in town. I begged my father to let me pick him up, and at first he agreed, but that morning he called me and said he had changed his mind and was going to drive himself. He then spent the next 15 minutes telling me in great detail how to get there (even though I assured him that I already knew). It was about an 85 mile drive one way. When I got there, he hadn't yet arrived even though he had left home about an hour before I did. We all waited, getting more nervous by the minute, but a little hesitant to call because we were worried about him talking on his cell phone while driving. Finally, we did call, and he was lost somewhere in downtown DC, and was trying to give us roadmarks to help us identify where he was. He finally found his way, but it was very worrisome.

Even after this incident he continued to drive - often driving over 800 miles to visit his sister in Jacksonville, Florida (he lived in Maryland).

Months later he fell at home, and luckily his neighbors found him and called an ambulance. He spent the next 4 months in and out of the hospital and rehab, and meanwhile we moved him into an assisted living facility. He passed away without ever really living there - I think all told he may have spent a week or two there before being readmitted to the hospital. During all of this time, we told him that the doctor had said he couldn't drive until he got better, and he seemed to accept this. But one of the very last things he ever said was when one of his doctors was examining him and recommending a course of treatment, and he asked my Dad whether he had any questions. Dad only had one..."Doc, when can I drive again?"
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