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Old 02-13-2010, 08:23 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,956 posts, read 7,404,127 times
Reputation: 16299

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Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
I second that. People, please skip the colors, they too often run a narrow gamut from difficult to read to impossible. And I would like to be able to read (literally) everyone's comments.

Thanks.
Rather than making new rules to satisfy a few, just highlight the section. The letters turn white and are easily read against the highlighted blue background. Try it here
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Old 02-13-2010, 08:57 AM
 
Location: zippidy doo dah
895 posts, read 1,333,945 times
Reputation: 1928
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
TJ, I love your posts but cannot read them in red or any other color. Black is the easiest to read for those with eyesight problems. Thanks and no offense meant.
Oh - i'm sorry - should i repost or were you able to shift it over on color? I generally pick another color and font to differentiate but hadn't thought of the color issues visually for some.

Definitely a situation worse than death for a writer and philosopher
thanks for letting me know and honestly, no offense taken. there's a difference between being upfront and honest vs being a nitpicker. I appreciate constructive criticism/suggestions.

there has been a lot of testiness on the retirement boards in the past few days it seems so it does seem kind of funny - i think we are all climbing the proverbial walls with this long winter, whether it be just the grayness and bleakness of it, the duration of it or the snow that some are locked into - gee, even here in coastal carolinah, where I have hibiscus poking their blooms out, it snowed last night - 3-4 inches - gorgeous coming down but totally amazed me - when the weather shifts, ROAD TRIP!
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Old 02-13-2010, 09:36 AM
 
Location: zippidy doo dah
895 posts, read 1,333,945 times
Reputation: 1928
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
TJ, I transferred your post here into black and now I can read it:

But the rental aspect - several ways to come at that:-
1. A group of people pitching in together on a single place and working out rental/living arrangements in the house;
2. A person who owns a house and wishes to reduce costs by bringing others into the quotient not so much as tenants but as housemates who contribute to the costs.
3. And this is the one that might be a super neat way to experiment - several people could initially rent units within a rental develpment - voila - you have your individual place and you already have your common house that was paid for by the developer of the complex, not you and a small group and the costs of maintaining it are borne by the entire develpment through rents /i.e. the complex club house where you can develop group meals when you wish/group activities/etc. - you have your support group and you have various levels of sizes of units. Some people could live together from the get go in a larger unit while others might elect a smaller unit from the start. Some might find over time that circumstances dictate they need to reduce costs and thus single dwellers could convert to roommates. the whole concept could take place not in just one part of the country because rental complexes exist all over the United States. As we develop the idea in various parts of the country, we open up the opportunity for our other pioneers to visit our individual "group situations" and experience different places, travel, explore new living arrangements etc. this is just something that I started thinking about more and more of late and while it's very much in the thinking stage, i believe it has merit. It does not involve great outlays of money and it allows for flexibility to find what works and what doesn't.-------



What you and Wisteria seem to be doing is calling for some kind of plan (thhis discussion has been going on a long time). What about if those of us on the fourm identified maybe a dozen sites across the country (east coast, west coast, mid north, midwest, south, etc) where seniors (age 60+) who are interested in this just simply get together with a planned agenda that is similar. I would like to actively meet others interested in these ideas. I am isolated where I am and it's only my fourm friends who are talking about living issues in older age. I really want to connect. If we were going to take the first step in simply identifying 10 or 12 meeting places where might they be?

Some topics I'd like to see are what kinds of a mix of people (abled and disabled in some way) could live together? What kinds of support would a household need? What kind of design and where? Maybe we could get a planner in on it, maybe a grant. I don't know...just something to get the ball rolling even if nothing ever really comes of it at least we could connect.

you beat me to it on reposting in black! great!

you are absolutely right - figuring out some of the needs/wants/visions etc is always a first step.
And many of us have been making those baby steps in conversations and proposals here in this thread and others. Colorado seems to have an incredible draw for many/I see Oregon mentioned quite a lot as well as CA/NM/AZ.

I myself will be a southern advocate because ultimately it's what I know/it's home and while I haven't totally put together the whole issue of to be or not to be close to family, I think my furthest consideration is Knoxville which is about 8 hours from the fam. I have some links to SW Fl and WNC as well that will keep me in this part of the country for the foreseeable future.

This may have taken this thread off-topic for which I apologize - so many of the things we talk about are so inter-linked and so many of us are "cross-threaders" (i won't tell anyone if you don't) - I may be bold and start a new thread today - although someone else may beat me to it
Another approach may be to do something via the meet up site which I believe is free and can be made private/public or a mix of both. There are so many venues and some discussions might necessitate a bit more privacy simply from a safety standpoint.

If something if this sort does hatch in several regions and localities, the issue of preferences for climate and proximity to certain resources or amenities/life styles/and the like could be more easily met. And again, providing the ability for those involved and those who catch on to what is happening to explore multiple places at minimal costs.

one of the reasons I pointed to concept of "already built" rental complexes as a first stage implementation is that some of the kinks in a hands on manner could be hashed out through such a set up without all the upfront expense - a somewhat informal approach that could be done in various places and in various manners to accomodate the reality that one size doesn't fit all.


The tremendous thing is that all the answers don't have to be apparent right away and some experimentation can begin to take place . I might have mentioned this before but I remember that at NC State (known for its engineering acumen), it was decided to not put in sidewalks with some new construction and instead to let the students "beat out" the path. In a short time, they were able to follow by the beaten path the optimum place to lay pavement. My thoughts are that perhaps, with something such as this, those who can should begin "stomping down the grass".

Again, likely mentioned this before but I actually saw an ad on Craig's List back in the fall for a six bedroom/5 bath former B and B in Mars Hill outside of the Asheville area. While that was likely not necessarily the way to do it, it was for rent for 1600.00 and I suggested that those in Asheville who are actively promoting women in co-housing explore the concept of renting that and doing a trial run on house-sharing - really got absolutely no response on it though people continued to talk and talk about wanting to live in community. That was a long shot and again, I'm not saying that that would have worked for many reasons but it is along that line of thought that if people are able to do some experimentation, then that's one way of doing it.

My approach right now is to pack up my stuff because I know I have to make some move here in the near future. I'll continue to do some sales to cut it down but may have a place to "put a lot of my stuff" while I do some alternative living exploration. Whatever I do, my mind is keyed very much along the lines of traveling to several spots that I have identified, spending a bit of time there for a gut feeling.

As a little moon child/cancerian crab, this is hard in some ways because while I love adventure to some extent, i am also a little hobbit who ever so loves her hearth. however, the craziness of the past ten years of my life has so upended my hearth in general, that I think i'm being pushed to do something more significant that will establish not only that hearth for me but for others. Could be delusions of grandeur but my visions tend to be practical and simplistic - which is probably why I steer clear of co-housing origination from scratch. Far too lengthy a process and oft-times the process raises expectations for utopia. and we knows about them utopias
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Old 02-13-2010, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,746 posts, read 4,225,531 times
Reputation: 6866
I'm the one who may drop my LTC insurance. At the time I picked it up, I was one of the "in betweeners." Not wealthy enough to "self-insure" and not poor enough to qualify for Medical Assistance. However, I've lost a significant chunk of retirement funds over the past several years and don't think I'll be getting it back.

I am interested in learning more about my LTC coverage regarding in-home care. Naive question, but can't I just read my policy and determine the dollar amount that would be available should I decide to stay in my home vs. entering a nursing home? (This is a sincere question that I hope Curmudgeon & Man of Winter will address.)

MN2CO : You are correct that there is a 5 year "look back". I am personally opposed to the concept of transferring assets to children so that taxpayers can pay for their parents' care. I find it morally repugnant. Nevertheless, I realize that I am a rare bird in that regard, and I don't think less of anyone who chooses to do this any more than I would think less of someone who takes advantage of tax breaks. However, I do think less of those who illegally transfer assets.

Pooling resources and living with my sisters would be a good, temporary solution, if we could tolerate living with each other. I can't see that ever happening unless we had separate apartments within the same residence. Love my sisters, but even they would agree we'd end up hating each other. Perhaps my younger sister and I could find a one story home with two separate living spaces, preferably in a warm sunny climate.

P.S.- Snow? What snow? Just kidding. I learned that even though I didn't need to go to work, I HATED it. Looks like I really need to plan on retiring elsewhere.
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Old 02-13-2010, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,956 posts, read 7,404,127 times
Reputation: 16299
For the record, my mom transferred her property into our names many years before she went into the nursing home AND she paid for the nursing home herself. We were well taught to pay our own way - always. You do without if that's what it takes, but you always pay your own way. There are times when I start to wonder if this is good or bad.

What sticks in my mind is my grandmother's story. They auctioned off everything - they literally come in and take over with no consideration for that person. I have never been so angry. She sat silently in a chair all day and watched it all disappear. It literally broke her heart. It's as if you cease to exist - your memories mean nothing and you have no rights. I bid on a number of things, which bothered her because she would have given them to me. Coming from Norway, she had many things from there. My mother vowed that day that they would never do that to her. I made the same vow. So, when I feel the time may be coming, I have my own plans. Call it pay back. I'm really not interested in hearing from any of the self righteous.
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Old 02-13-2010, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,918 posts, read 6,245,561 times
Reputation: 2651
Quote:
Mugsy: You are hawking your LTC products. Most of us on this forum can not afford the premiums for LTC insurance. While you are on the golf course, most of us are worrying about how to pay the electricity bill.
I too, am now in a similar situation with my Mother. She was diagnosed exactly 2 years ago with Alzheimer's Disease at the young age of 65. I assisted her in retiring (due to memory loss) and I have been her DPOA, Advocate and Caregiver up until last month. She was declining and I was so afraid she would fall (again). I placed her in a Private Residential Care Home on her 67th birthday.
It breaks my heart, but she has no idea who I am less what day month year or season it is.
Now my dilemma is her loss of rental income has caused me to have move her to a smaller Residential Care Home next month.
At least I found one quickly.
One of her rentals is for sale now. I am trying to keep her out of the Medi-cal System, simply because I think it is more work to find good care and these Residential Care Homes, which are licensed facilities, seem to have a better patient to staff ratio.

As far as my future plans, I am unsure if LTC is the way to go or not. I believe it is not really much of a quality of life to be placed in a recliner in front of a tv every day all day to only be able to recognize the baby doll in your arms, unable to talk, except for Word Salad, and unable to walk, or do anything without assistance.
Seems like I would want to drop out of that life.
Oh, I am so sorry. That is just awful! Many of us are in our sixties now, and that is frightening to hear!

"Seems like I would want to drop out of that life." I agree. I love my dad dearly and he has Alzheimer's. He goes in and out of knowing people, and he still has his cheery disposition, and I hate to lose him. He still calls one of my younger sister's by my name. Yet, I know that if he had his memory, I think he would be appalled at his condition -- thankfully, he lives "in the moment."

For me, if anything that insurance salesperson said is true about children being responsible for their parents in old age, and if I were going into Alzheimer's I think I would definitely start stock-piling pills -- maybe start now to make sure.... There is no way I would have my only child be fully responsible for my care -- she is much too young. And if I had Alzheimer's, especially as you say with your mother being so young, and she could survive like that at least another 20 years, then I think I would opt out early.

I know it seems so morbid, but when you do not even recognize your loved ones, although they recognize you, or if you're in such physical pain or have a terminal illness that will only require expensive hospitalization and the end result is you're still going to die soon, then a more humane way to go, I think, is to do it yourself. Hey, we could have a DIY workshop, books -- the ideas are endless (dealing with the end), and we could have a fortune to pass along to our heirs!! I know we have a number of Do It Yourselfers here! I mean, let's look at it as our last entrepreneurial hurrah!

Seriously, though, Mugsy, I am so sad for you -- that is just too young... Hopefully this thread will help you in seeing all sides of the issue, although I know you know your own. You may be younger, but I am sure you are now acutely aware of what could happen in the future.... I am so sorry you had to have this happen while your mother is so young.

I have not had time to go through all the posts -- I am dealing with construction issues at my house and have to meet with the contractor -- I will check back later to read them all. I'm glad I started this thread -- I am learning a lot! Thank you everyone for your contributions to date.
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Old 02-13-2010, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Monterey Bay, California -- watching the sea lions, whales and otters! :D
1,918 posts, read 6,245,561 times
Reputation: 2651
Quote:
NewEnglandgirl: What you and Wisteria seem to be doing is calling for some kind of plan (thhis discussion has been going on a long time). What about if those of us on the fourm identified maybe a half dozen sites across the country (east coast, west coast, mid north, midwest, south, etc) where seniors (age 60+) who are interested in this just simply get together with a planned agenda that is similar. I would like to actively meet others interested in these ideas. I am isolated where I am and it's only my fourm friends who are talking about living issues in older age. I really want to connect. If we were going to take the first step in simply identifying 5 or 6 meeting places where might they be?

Some topics I'd like to see are what kinds of a mix of people (abled and disabled in some way) could live together? What kinds of support would a household need? What kind of design and where? Maybe we could get a planner in on it, maybe a grant. I don't know...just something to get the ball rolling even if nothing ever really comes of it at least we could connect.
Quote:
Triciajeanne: Again, likely mentioned this before but I actually saw an ad on Craig's List back in the fall for a six bedroom/5 bath former B and B in Mars Hill outside of the Asheville area. While that was likely not necessarily the way to do it, it was for rent for 1600.00 and I suggested that those in Asheville who are actively promoting women in co-housing explore the concept of renting that and doing a trial run on house-sharing - really got absolutely no response on it though people continued to talk and talk about wanting to live in community. That was a long shot and again, I'm not saying that that would have worked for many reasons but it is along that line of thought that if people are able to do some experimentation, then that's one way of doing it.

My approach right now is to pack up my stuff because I know I have to make some move here in the near future. I'll continue to do some sales to cut it down but may have a place to "put a lot of my stuff" while I do some alternative living exploration. Whatever I do, my mind is keyed very much along the lines of traveling to several spots that I have identified, spending a bit of time there for a gut feeling.

As a little moon child/cancerian crab, this is hard in some ways because while I love adventure to some extent, i am also a little hobbit who ever so loves her hearth. however, the craziness of the past ten years of my life has so upended my hearth in general, that I think i'm being pushed to do something more significant that will establish not only that hearth for me but for others. Could be delusions of grandeur but my visions tend to be practical and simplistic - which is probably why I steer clear of co-housing origination from scratch. Far too lengthy a process and oft-times the process raises expectations for utopia. and we knows about them utopias.
To both TriciaJeanne and Newenglandgirl, thank you. I realize we have gone over aspects of intentional communities, however, I am not in a financial position to be able to buy into one....therefore, the rental idea. Triciajeanne, I am surprised there were no takers. We need to find a route where others can connect who will want to try such an endeavor.

I suggest the rental option only because as a homeowner who had to leave her previous property due to too much land and labor, and knowing I would never pay off the mortgage, nor afford the mortgage in retirement, I think renting, which I did for decades, is fine. In fact, it could be better, considering maintenance costs, property taxes, etc. And people could move in or move out and there would be no hassles with deeds, etc.

Too much, I think, has focused on the now conventional intentional seniors' communities that require a high buy-in. There are plenty of rental houses out there that could easily be used for living space at a much cheaper cost -- again, this is not for someone who already owns their own home (unless they have a large home they'd like to share), but rather for those with more minimal funds.

As was pointed out earlier, one of the biggest hurdles seniors alone face is loneliness. I have had three close friends die within the last year and a half. That really hit me. I'm only 62, and here my friends are already dying!

So, with the contractor late, I decided to respond to these posts. Seems like he may be here now...so I will go and check back later.

Maybe forming a national organization, or somehow aligning with United Way or something, would help to organize people whose incomes are limited, and own no homes outright....I am sure there are some very interesting, talented and creative people out there who just don't have oodles of money or property.

Later...
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Old 02-13-2010, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Arizona
419 posts, read 658,792 times
Reputation: 862
[quote=Mugsy;12878232]I too, am now in a similar situation with my Mother. She was diagnosed exactly 2 years ago with Alzheimer's Disease at the young age of 65. I assisted her in retiring (due to memory loss) and I have been her DPOA, Advocate and Caregiver up until last month. She was declining and I was so afraid she would fall (again). I placed her in a Private Residential Care Home on her 67th birthday.
It breaks my heart, but she has no idea who I am less what day month year or season it is.
Now my dilemma is her loss of rental income has caused me to have move her to a smaller Residential Care Home next month.
At least I found one quickly.
One of her rentals is for sale now. I am trying to keep her out of the Medi-cal System, simply because I think it is more work to find good care and these Residential Care Homes, which are licensed facilities, seem to have a better patient to staff ratio.

As far as my future plans, I am unsure if LTC is the way to go or not. I believe it is not really much of a quality of life to be placed in a recliner in front of a tv every day all day to only be able to recognize the baby doll in your arms, unable to talk, except for Word Salad, and unable to walk, or do anything without assistance.
Seems like I would want to drop out of that life.[/quote

My heart goes out to you. I hope you and your mother get all of the help and support you could possibly need. How wonderful it would be if there was a vaccine to prevent this dreadful disease. My parents and I were very blessed. Their minds were good until the very end.

MN2CO, newenglandgirl, and anyone else I may have missed, thank you so much for your compassion, understanding and support. It means a lot to me.
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Old 02-13-2010, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 19,004,474 times
Reputation: 15649
Quote:
Originally Posted by MN2CO View Post
For the record, my mom transferred her property into our names many years before she went into the nursing home AND she paid for the nursing home herself. We were well taught to pay our own way - always. You do without if that's what it takes, but you always pay your own way. There are times when I start to wonder if this is good or bad.

What sticks in my mind is my grandmother's story. They auctioned off everything - they literally come in and take over with no consideration for that person. I have never been so angry. She sat silently in a chair all day and watched it all disappear. It literally broke her heart. It's as if you cease to exist - your memories mean nothing and you have no rights. I bid on a number of things, which bothered her because she would have given them to me. Coming from Norway, she had many things from there. My mother vowed that day that they would never do that to her. I made the same vow. So, when I feel the time may be coming, I have my own plans. Call it pay back. I'm really not interested in hearing from any of the self righteous.
Being forced to liquidate a home residence for nursing home stays is not right IMHO, it should be exempt. You may have to have a place to go back to if your nursing home stay is not permanent. You may have a spouse or dependents that desperately need that home. This country has given all the advantages to the banks and the super wealthy, it should leave us our homes and take everything else if it must.
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Old 02-13-2010, 06:12 PM
 
Location: Edina, MN, USA
6,956 posts, read 7,404,127 times
Reputation: 16299
Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
Being forced to liquidate a home residence for nursing home stays is not right IMHO, it should be exempt. You may have to have a place to go back to if your nursing home stay is not permanent. You may have a spouse or dependents that desperately need that home. This country has given all the advantages to the banks and the super wealthy, it should leave us our homes and take everything else if it must.
I totally agree. They do everything to make a bad situation even worse. They take EVERYTHING. I didn't understand what was going to happen that day or I would have made a midnight ride with a bunch of friends and we would have loaded up. I would have given her cash for her things but kept the money hidden until she needed it. At least she would know her things didn't go off to strangers. My mother really blew it.
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