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Old 06-15-2007, 08:35 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,784 posts, read 23,813,363 times
Reputation: 6195

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OK Dingler, I see what you are driving at here. Don't be offended by the levity, many of us older folks are having a pretty good time and like to kid around.

To answer your question in the spirit in which you framed it, I believe that many men fail to establish an appropriate network for retirement. It is not something that falls on to you, the individual has to take advantage of the opportunities presenting themselves on a constant basis.

For example, say an older fellow leaves his employment and is unattached, either through death or other circumstances, there are many volunteer opportunities in any community. It can involve being a mentor, helping out at a senior center for those less capable, meals on wheels volunteer, helping foreign folks learn how to read and speak english or assisting with setting up things like the 4th of July shows. However, many men just sit around and drink, feeling a combination of sorry for themselves and sometimes resentful of life's situations. This can lead to depression, but a person does not need to find themselves in that situation if they will just force themselves to be minimally interactive.

I have seen meals on wheels lead to some friendships, where folks who are more capable end up going out and assisting those who would like to do more but are more physically limited. If you are not inclined in this direction, volunteering to help folks learn how to read or assisting with setting up displays for your city can also lead to connections. But you can't be connected if you are not going to extend any effort.

To go to the mall and sit and stare vacantly tells me the person is looking for some type of interpersonal connection, otherwise they would be sitting at home. Maybe they are in some kind of transition after experiencing a personal tragedy, such as the passing of a long time spouse, and are working their way to being able to connect with others again, and this is one step.

But it really is great that you are sensitive to this, it beats being dismissive of those folks as to "get a life." I hope you find this answer more helpful in your understanding of possible circumstances.
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Old 06-15-2007, 09:19 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,565,676 times
Reputation: 13180
If these old geezers didn't want to be at the mall chances are they would have driven somewhere else to hang out. Don't feel sorry for them - they wanted to be at the mall! Duh!
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Old 06-15-2007, 11:38 PM
 
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 37,269,481 times
Reputation: 5787
Growing up in the mall capitol of the world there was only 1 mall in all of Dallas/Ft Worth we girls could drag my dad too and it was THE SMALLEST one around then. We used to kid him that they thought he was casing the place and were going to arrest him. LOL!!! He would never just sit on a bench in the mall at all but instead would just walk around literally "casing the joint". He knew every square inch of that place. If us girls wanted to hit a REAL mall that was two stories we had to go w/out him or go to one that had a bookstore (he could spend HOURS at a book store or library - I'm just like him in that regards). We would drop daddy off at the bookstore then go shop. Most of the time by the time we finished shopping the entire mall and tired on every pair of shoes in sight we would go to get daddy and he would still be busy and we had to wait on him.

He is working p/t now and hopes to retire soon f/t. They are buying a house closer to us (30 minutes away right now and soon to be literally 1 stop sign and two neighborhoods away). They made sure they found a house w/ a big garage, large backyard and a shop outback for him to putz in. He likes to tinker w/ things. He is past the point of being able to pull off most home remodel jobs so just things in the garage that may involve metals are more to his liking. I'm glad he does have a hobby. Mom on the other hand....... at least she has some friends and she is moving closer to not only us but her sister as well.

My fil passed away only 4 years after retiring f/t and most of that time was in bad health and w/ his anxiety attacks he never went anywhere. My mil is busy all the time w/ her garden and church so she stays active.

Because of what we have seen with our own parents my husband and I already have hobbies. Some we like to do together and sometimes I tell him for it to be a "guys night". We both have PLENTY of friends to hang out with. We have made it a point to go out just the two of us w/o the kids since they were born. Taking trips w/o the kids is also a good way to help us deal w/ each other whenever the time comes for f/t playtime. There is more that hubby wants to do but does not have time to because of work so he is ready to retire. We said no later than age 50 w/ 45 being the prime "We are OUTTA here" age. Unless of course an offer that is too good to resist comes in anytime sooner. Still young enough to do things w/ our kids before they are out of the house and we have the time to be active w/ other things besides work while we are still physically capable.
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Old 06-16-2007, 04:56 AM
 
18,362 posts, read 23,537,072 times
Reputation: 34427
perhaps these are the rare men that outlive thier wives,,,and not lonly,,but shell-shocked, dazed and still confused, after living with a woman for 50 years,, being nagged, yelled at for leaving the toilet seat up,,not doing enough around the house, not picking up thier socks, not dressing correctly,not giving them enough attention, never going anywheres, and on and on and on..and lets not forget pms, and ,,menopause,,
yep, these men are the end result,,of 40-50 years of marriage bliss..
they are so far in thier own little escape world,,they probly dont even know thier own name anymore,

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Old 06-16-2007, 08:59 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,564 posts, read 36,565,676 times
Reputation: 13180
Quote:
Originally Posted by mainebrokerman View Post
perhaps these are the rare men that outlive thier wives,,,and not lonly,,but shell-shocked, dazed and still confused, after living with a woman for 50 years,, being nagged, yelled at for leaving the toilet seat up,,not doing enough around the house, not picking up thier socks, not dressing correctly,not giving them enough attention, never going anywheres, and on and on and on..and lets not forget pms, and ,,menopause,,
yep, these men are the end result,,of 40-50 years of marriage bliss..
they are so far in thier own little escape world,,they probly dont even know thier own name anymore,

Yeah, they probaably don't even realize they are in the MALL!!! ARGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
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Old 06-16-2007, 10:05 PM
 
Location: Houston, TX
1,712 posts, read 3,880,299 times
Reputation: 775
This is exactly why I will never retire. Sure, you retire... travel for a couple years... and then what?
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Old 06-16-2007, 11:45 PM
 
Location: Looking over your shoulder
30,343 posts, read 27,804,382 times
Reputation: 81332
Talking Hanging out in the Mall is better then elsewhere!

http://www.airamericaplace.com/boards/style_emoticons/default/Kick_Can_emoticon.gif (broken link)
Hey,,,, if some older senior men want to hang out in the mall thereís nothing wrong with that. If they go back to where they were hanging out when they were much younger Ė they could have a heart attack and keel over. Itís best that they remain in the mall sitting around near the Victoria Secrets or Frederickís of Hollywood. They may be old but their minds are still working overtime just donít show them too much or the paramedics will have to visit the mall.
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Old 06-17-2007, 07:46 AM
 
393 posts, read 1,741,642 times
Reputation: 149
maybe the next time u can sit down next to them and strike up a conversation. Sometimes just a few kind words can make a person's day.......!!! People can turn out be very interesting indeed!
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Old 06-17-2007, 04:57 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,784 posts, read 23,813,363 times
Reputation: 6195
Mainebrokerman, your post made my day!!!

...but tell us how you really feel ;-)
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Old 06-17-2007, 06:09 PM
 
18,362 posts, read 23,537,072 times
Reputation: 34427
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewToCA View Post
Mainebrokerman, your post made my day!!!

...but tell us how you really feel ;-)
ok,,remember you asked.

having worked in a supermarket for many years,,,,ive seen my share of dazed old men,,meandering around the store,,hopelessly,,,,his eyes,,out in space,,,so a few times,,,i stopped a couple old fellows,,to see if i could help them find anything,,well,,,,5 of these old fellas' said the exact same thing,,,thier old wives sent them to the store,,but they forgot what they were suppose to buy,,,and dont dare come home to wife without it,,but they dont know,,cant remember what "it " is,,so they wander around the store looking at the product,,to see if it rings a bell with them,,
poor old coots,,,dont wanna go home empty handed,,,,,and sleep with the dog down in the basement!
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