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MN2CO, you are a perfect example of someone, a virtual stranger met in cyberspace who made my stay in an unfamiliar city really great. Because of you I got the information I needed and made a new friend. That's what I am talking about. People who think that only family can help them or even just keep them company in their lives need to understand that if that service comes at too high a price, they can create their own "family" that does not have to be blood related.
Single women whether divorced or never married have this stigma of having the need of family (blood relations) to take care of them. I remember my wonderful aunt who remained single all her wonderfully full life. I remember my mother and father fretting over "who will look after Genevieve in her old age?"
Well Genevieve wound up looking after Genevieve in her old age. She lived to her mid-eighties and passed away in the hospital from a failed heart. She had a will that was perfectly written and her wishes were carried out by her lawyer. No one had to take care of her. She even had arrangements for her local synagogue to take her furniture to give to charity in the event of her death.
My friend Linda who was totally estranged from her family did the same thing.
Here is the method if anyone does not want or not have family to help or be responsible for them. Plan ahead for your departure from this mortal coil. Make a will, get an attorney or conservator to make sure whatever you leave gets left to the right people. Don't rely on your family to do it for you. Pick the community in which you wish to live to suit your needs not your family's. Take the initiative, make friends, help others, meet people. I am not particularly outgoing but my two good friends and neighbors are around my age. We have the same needs. We look out for one another. It isn't difficult to find such people.
My mother used to say "You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family." If your family is not one you would choose if you had the choice there are others who can fill that bill just fine.
Thanks, Minervah, glad you enjoyed your stay. I always enjoy meeting new people. I felt so torn with my uncle's family here. BTW - he died last Oct. They had moved him into a very nice assisted living spot and he, being the most pig headed man I ever knew, decided that since he couldn't call all the shots here he'd fix them. I think he wanted to live with his daughter.
This is another example of family: he had 5 kids and no one but me & his daughter did anything for him. The other 4 sons were worthless, due to (let me guess), their wives.
"This is another example of family: he had 5 kids and no one but me & his daughter did anything for him. The other 4 sons were worthless, due to (let me guess), their wives."
I'm not sure if you were being sarcastic or serious. If there are 4 worthless sons, their wives have nothing to do with it.
Actually they do. These 4 ladies were a constant disappointment to my aunt when she was alive due to their lack of respect for her and the rest of her family. I've seen this so many times I couldn't possibly count - rather than argue with the wife, the son just goes along with her. I happen to have a brother the same way. I have friends with sons that are dealing with this - this is very old news.
Actually they do. These 4 ladies were a constant disappointment to my aunt when she was alive due to their lack of respect for her and the rest of her family. I've seen this so many times I couldn't possibly count - rather than argue with the wife, the son just goes along with her. I happen to have a brother the same way. I have friends with sons that are dealing with this - this is very old news.
Yeah but in such situations, why do the men get a pass? They chose the wife and choose to go along with such behavior towards their own relations. Methinks they simply let the wife express their own feelings under cover of the wife.
My SIL had a period of collossal nastiness (probably due to some hormone issues) and my brother spoke to her & wouldn't stand for her to mistreat us. The unusual thing was he spoke up within our hearing. Normally he is quite content let her call the shots.
So why do men who do not do the decent thing get a pass? They are complicit & shud get the blame as well since they are choosing to partcipate in the attacks.
I came from a family of 4 children - we are all married and have lived and been a part of each others' lives. Between us, there are 12 children we have had and those 12 now range from age 19 to age 26. I am pleased with that b/c they each know each other well and down the road, that will be a great support system for each of them.
Now that each of them is growing up and going away to college and doing internships in different cities, it feels to me like our family unit (locally) is coming apart. Being the sensitive one, I'm trying to deal with it. Reading this thread has been helpful, really.
Growing up, we never really had cousins; my husband is an only child too so the closeness of family was important to my mom and dad and important to me. Now that my mom and dad are gone, things are changing. I know we're all getting older and all that but it's a bit of sadness.
I know I need to reach out more to the family (and children) that are still here. I'm bad at that. I feel the pressure to do that or I'm afraid I will be very lonely as has always been one of my fears. I am not a good alone type person.
It's truly wonderful to have a close knit loving family......IN ANOTHER STATE!!!
I'm planning on moving and retiring to the state that my sister lives in.
She'll visit me (for a few days) when it gets too hot in her area, and I'll visit her (for a few days) when it gets too cold in my area.
We both agreed that a distance of 250 to 400 miles would be sufficient
Seriously, I think it also has to do with how close you are to your siblings in age. I really have nothing in common with my sister or brother - they're the Buddy Holly and Elvis Presley generation, I'm Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin.
Yeah but in such situations, why do the men get a pass? They chose the wife and choose to go along with such behavior towards their own relations. Methinks they simply let the wife express their own feelings under cover of the wife.
My SIL had a period of collossal nastiness (probably due to some hormone issues) and my brother spoke to her & wouldn't stand for her to mistreat us. The unusual thing was he spoke up within our hearing. Normally he is quite content let her call the shots.
So why do men who do not do the decent thing get a pass? They are complicit & shud get the blame as well since they are choosing to partcipate in the attacks.
Tesaje - I don't give them a pass, but I'm not a mother so I guess I must not "get it". I'd give them a royal kick in the pants. But I have no doubt who is behind this rotten behavior. I recently told my brother it was time to man-up and that unlike mom, I won't be condoning and excusing his poor behavior nor his wife's. Tacky is tacky ~~ if it walks like a duck~~ well, you know the rest of that one.
Good for your brother!
I had a conversation with one of my aunt's sons once and asked why he allowed his wife to treat his mother so badly. He finally said - "~~it's just easier". Well, you're breaking her heart.
I guess that was my point, they give in rather than listen to it.
Seriously, I think it also has to do with how close you are to your siblings in age. I really have nothing in common with my sister or brother - they're the Buddy Holly and Elvis Presley generation, I'm Rolling Stones and Led Zeppelin.
Not necessarily. My favorite bro is 11 years older. I have a lot more in common with him than the bro a year older. It depends on your temperments just like it does when you choose friends.
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Some great comments here on this thread...
