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Old 03-14-2012, 10:22 PM
 
Location: West Michigan
12,083 posts, read 34,596,801 times
Reputation: 16866

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Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
I know things I say might immediately seem offensive to anyone who lives in a small town and that is not at ALL my intention and maybe I just don't know how to ask otherwise.

I moved from a southern city of roughly 3 1/2 mill people and it is now 51/2 mill. Granted I grew up just outside that environment and would have fought tooth and nail if I ever would have been forced to live there growing up. So, I grew up. I did move there. I was veryy successful in many male dominated businesses and it was all a piece of cake. However, once I had my own kid, I longed for her to grow up with the old fashioned small town ethics/surroundings I did. I relocated us 2200 miles from home. New England was so much safer...........no drive by shootings at the elementary schools or at my store.

Still, after 15 years, I find myself in a roundabout of emotions. I know I have to dumb myself down to fit in with the locals, whom I have NOTHING in common with. Sure we have our basic small town "roots" but as adults? NIL However, I didn't have a thing in common with big city phony people. I wonder if I compromised my daughters' growth on MANY fronts. Yes, I consider moving back to some "civilization" occasionally but know my heart would break. Funny , but my soul has peace but my head wonders ," What the hell did you do giving me a walking lobotomy."

Ahhh the definition of conundrum................
Well golly-gee-wilakers... I sure wish I had me some of that intelligence you speak of so I would know what you are talking about.... I would be mighty glad if I had grown up in a big city of 3+ million. Then my Masters and past teaching at the University level would mean something... as it is, growing up in a town of 1200 it just means squat I guess.

Get the hell over yourself already. Just because someone has a different skill set, or background than you do doesn't mean they are any less intelligent and you have to "dumb-down" for them. If you can't see that after so long in a small community I really feel sorry for you. You must not be nearly as smart as you think you are. Move back to the city and stop gracing small town USA with your heavenly intelligence.
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Old 03-14-2012, 10:40 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
23,509 posts, read 41,105,188 times
Reputation: 25093
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
... maybe I just don't know how to ask ...
I moved from a southern city of roughly 3 1/2 mill people ... I relocated us 2200 miles from home. New England was so much safer..............Still, after 15 years, I find myself in a roundabout of emotions. I know I have to dumb myself down to fit in with the locals, whom I have NOTHING in common with. ... my soul has peace but my head wonders ," ....
CULTURE SHOCK !! southern urban to NE rural USA is about as polar as you can get within the United States .... I hope you are not still flying the Confederate Flag from your home and antenna, and those fuzzy dice with Uof Alabama have gotta go!

You have done well to last 15 yrs

I trust you have offered your kid/s plenty of trips HOME as they will be choosing their own radical move soon.

Just pull it together and decide where you will feel comfortable next, and be prepared to leave that spot eventually. Your kids will probably not be coming home much, so no sense worring about accomidating them. (from experience).
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Old 03-15-2012, 09:38 AM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,494 posts, read 38,417,337 times
Reputation: 23120
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
I know things I say might immediately seem offensive to anyone who lives in a small town and that is not at ALL my intention and maybe I just don't know how to ask otherwise.

I moved from a southern city of roughly 3 1/2 mill people and it is now 51/2 mill. Granted I grew up just outside that environment and would have fought tooth and nail if I ever would have been forced to live there growing up. So, I grew up. I did move there. I was veryy successful in many male dominated businesses and it was all a piece of cake. However, once I had my own kid, I longed for her to grow up with the old fashioned small town ethics/surroundings I did. I relocated us 2200 miles from home. New England was so much safer...........no drive by shootings at the elementary schools or at my store.

Still, after 15 years, I find myself in a roundabout of emotions. I know I have to dumb myself down to fit in with the locals, whom I have NOTHING in common with. Sure we have our basic small town "roots" but as adults? NIL However, I didn't have a thing in common with big city phony people. I wonder if I compromised my daughters' growth on MANY fronts. Yes, I consider moving back to some "civilization" occasionally but know my heart would break. Funny , but my soul has peace but my head wonders ," What the hell did you do giving me a walking lobotomy."

Ahhh the definition of conundrum................
I suspect that the fact that you don't "fit in" has more to do with this one attitude on your part than anything else. Note that you can't find other people anywhere, it seems, that aren't flawed in some major way. Whenever something like that happens, the problem is almost certainly a lot closer to home than in the other people.

I've lived in city, country, and small town over the course of my life, and have found people both smart and not so much, phony and genuine, everywhere. It's all in the eyes you're looking through, really.
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Old 03-15-2012, 11:25 AM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,871,559 times
Reputation: 1571
As I seem to have probably misspoke my original post.....my reference for feeling like I need to "dumb down" is not to relate to the people in my town. I came from small town. I just haven't found much in common , the job options are not there, the DIVERSITY on all fronts is not there, MOST everything I have ever done is not an option IN a town of /surrounded by towns of 2k people. As I said before, I love my fellow townspeople or I wouldn't have moved here. It's just most have never even left the state and have no desire to. The highlight of conversation every day is the change in weather.

At times I feel like I'm stagnating and I DO try to get my kiddo to move to a more populated place. I feel she is becoming ill equipped to deal with those every day situations that do exist. She needs to learn street smarts as do we all.

And actually, I DO fit in and get along with every person around. I bust ass harder than they do and have earned tremendous respect. There is also a LOT missing. Maybe I just know there is more out there and remember parts of it fondly. Just can't share any of my history because noone "gets it". I "get" theirs because I did that too. Commonality equals understanding in my book. If you haven't been there then you don't know.

Sorry, people saw the original post as conceited. I saw it as someone caught between trying to figure out a way to make my life work as a fish out of water. And while people are casting stones....I am the one who carries the shingles up to the third floor for roofing, I am the one that hand digs and fills footings w/80# bags of concrete, I am the one that does all insulation since noone else wants to and I spend months on end on a 40 ft ladder covered w/oil paint. No one likes to do that stuff anywhere. I don't care so, I was over myself before I ever moved here. I also, work 70 hr wk overnights taking care of their parents w/Alzheimers cuz they don't want to and I care for my schizophrenic Mom in my home 100% as well. It's just part of life... and? I never said I was better, I said my history had nothing in common with the locals and EXPERIENCE creates understanding no matter where you live..
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Old 03-15-2012, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Eastern Kentucky
1,237 posts, read 2,761,429 times
Reputation: 1290
Ok, so you are from a small town. You should have known what you were coming back to. And, FYI, when you live close to nature, the weather is a big deal. Discussing it is one way we ignerent country folk pass the time and make small talk.
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Old 03-15-2012, 05:16 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,871,559 times
Reputation: 1571
Quote:
Originally Posted by masonsdaughter View Post
Ok, so you are from a small town. You should have known what you were coming back to. And, FYI, when you live close to nature, the weather is a big deal. Discussing it is one way we ignerent country folk pass the time and make small talk.

Yes, all my family coming from Ashland KY and proud of them or else I wouldn't be here. Sorry you term yourself "ignerent" I don't. I do weather conversations daily and up to a few hours a day/ 365 plus....but I KNOW there is more than THAT in life. Yep, I'm 20 miles from the Canadian border and my sheep/dogs/gardens matter here too when a good 30 below snap for days is bad. Don't tell anyone but I DON'T buy much food cuz this person that lives supported "by nature grown by my own hands" doesn't have to grocery shop for 2 + years. And?????????

Last edited by swanstone1; 03-15-2012 at 05:42 PM..
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Old 03-15-2012, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
16,796 posts, read 10,711,499 times
Reputation: 29802
if I understand your question, it's more about 'what if' than any negative feelings towards your neighbors and/or location.

Life is a one way street. You did what you did.
Do you think you'd be happier now in a city than you were then? Probably not. Take a vacation or long wkend and visit a museum, see a play, or get mugged. Then go home and enjoy being home again.
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Old 03-15-2012, 11:06 PM
 
5,879 posts, read 5,360,500 times
Reputation: 18002
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
I feel she is becoming ill equipped to deal with those every day situations that do exist. She needs to learn street smarts as do we all
I don't know - DOES she need to learn street smarts? What exactly are street smarts? I'll bet in a small town she's learning more than you know - how to find a place in a social group, how to stay away from meth and alcohol, how to do the physical things that you do. What more do you want her to know? If she watches TV, plays on the internet, and reads, she probably has gained at least a peripheral knowledge of what goes on in the world. Besides, the time when a young adult goes out in the world on their own and experiences crazy things for the first time is a very valuable and often really fun experience - let her have it.

I've lived in both the hugest American cities and some of the most rural areas in America, and the only place I've ever been a victim of crime was in a small town.

I do understand where you're coming from, though. I LOVE living in a rural area, but the reality is that Like Likes Like and it can get lonely if you can't find a few folks to share the conversations that interest you.

I like listening, though - have you ever just sat down and listened to the people in your town? People will tell you the most amazing things about their own life experiences and thoughts if you just offer a receptive ear. Even if you find their thoughts and experiences revolting, at least it is really interesting!
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Old 03-16-2012, 12:47 AM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,410 posts, read 26,684,240 times
Reputation: 16516
You know, this reminds me of the typical movie where the girl moves away to the big city, comes back to the small city and acts like she's waaay better than everybody and then wonders why she doesn't really fit in.

Maybe you'll rescue a neighbor's dog or pull someone out of the river and things will all be grand..

Or you can adjust your attitude and realize that people are different and you're not better than anyone else because you have different viewpoints.

One thing to keep in mind, people can always tell how you really are. Whether or not you put your fake smile on, they will always see that condescending person thinking "I have to act dumb to talk to these people".
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Old 03-16-2012, 01:19 AM
 
Location: Southern California
3,115 posts, read 7,357,531 times
Reputation: 3672
I think the gist is that no matter where you choose to live, you are missing out on something else. Just like if you date the first guy you meet, you miss out on all the other men that come along later. Life is full of choices like that - and you will always be missing out on something, no matter what you choose.

Quote:
Originally Posted by PAhippo View Post
Take a vacation or long wkend and visit a museum, see a play, or get mugged. Then go home and enjoy being home again.
That's good advice.

Trying to actually live in two places at once, and get the best of both, you would miss out on what it's like to be a full-time resident of either place, with full-time friends. But taking regular vacations to your other favorite spot on earth can work quite well! You could still be a full-time resident of your small town, but experience everything the city has to offer, on a regular basis - or vice versa.

Just apply a little creative thinking to your situation, and you'll figure out a solution.
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