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Old 03-17-2012, 06:35 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,871,259 times
Reputation: 1571

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I am still amazed by people who judge that haven't been in a simiilar situation and slam without understanding the post. . They are entitled to opinions as am I. Very enlightening about those that choose their own interpretation and I've never seen interpretation screwed up so badly.

Funny how so many people took a broad feeling of MY feelings of feeliong lost as a personal affront. Just got back and I don't get it. I have reiterated NUMEROUS times that I love my neighbors/townspeople. I don't know which follow up post some are responding to????????????????

I guess those that don't TRY to see the flip side haven't been in my position. Fine. We are all people.

Basic break down is............. I spent DECADES learning and perfecting skills to succeed in a huge city in numerous fields. Simple right?. Those skills are USELESS in an even remote area or even within my state. OK? Basic. Toss those skills in the trash. Did it years ago. Want to talk and share with your new friends about parts of what made you you or your history? Doesn't happen. Everything you have ever done has never existed here so? Toss decades of what you did in the trash too. Can't talk to anyone about those decades either. Anything I have ever done prior doesn't exist. So, I learn and do what the locals do and it is only that way.

Let those stone throwers uproot and try to redefine themselves without feeling an identity crisis. And for those that want to slam my moments of feeling like I don't fit in? I still love the neighbors I have and this will shock you ALL...they love me too. Why isn't someone allowed to feel lost coming from several million to 2000? If a country mouse came to the city wouldn't the table be different? Damn right. So, I can't feel out of joint and lost going vice versa?

The basic small town stuff was and will always be there within me. I don't and have never faulted THAT. I just was too ready to toss 8o percent of the past 4 decades of my life of learning in the trash in a way to fit in. God forbid that I might have a remembrance of the past 30 years of life and those learning struggles. OMG I might lament experiences that helped to make me me. Throw me under the bus for wondering sometimes why I threw everything I'd worked for away. Selfish city ***** right? Try it before you cast that next stone. I had no prblem EVER doing it either but about twice a year I remember what I had, what I knew, what I did.

For those of you that want to slam me for your imagined "locals NOT liking me"? Dream on. I, for the inth time proclaim that I LOVE my neighbors and think they are great. It is not their FAULT for not having bigger experiences that some have. I just miss those people that have some of the same experiences that I might share some of my OWN INDIVIDUAL history with.

GOOD Grief! I just wonder what so many people share that make them hypersensitive? Maybe not as many people have downsized and lost a huge part of what made them who they were. We are NOT our past but it helps define us and even being able to share silly stories of our past can be nice. Maybe one day those that condemn will experience something similar and will think back.
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Old 03-17-2012, 06:43 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,143 posts, read 43,070,821 times
Reputation: 51714
Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady View Post
I suspect that the fact that you don't "fit in" has more to do with this one attitude on your part than anything else. Note that you can't find other people anywhere, it seems, that aren't flawed in some major way. Whenever something like that happens, the problem is almost certainly a lot closer to home than in the other people.

I've lived in city, country, and small town over the course of my life, and have found people both smart and not so much, phony and genuine, everywhere. It's all in the eyes you're looking through, really.
Exactly the same experience. I was raised rurally, went to college in a small town, lived in a huge city as a young adult, moved to a small town for a job, Moved to a midsize meto, where I lived in both the city center and the suburbs. In that entire range of communities, I found wonderful people, $hitty people, intelligent people, and absolutely morons. If everywhere you go, you find that you can't relate to others, maybe it's not others who are always the problem.

I have uprooted and gone someplace completely different from where I've been living and where I knew no others numerous times. I've done well, from a social standpoint and a feeling-like-I-fit-in standpoint each time, because I go into it with an open mind and don't automatically discount people or the situation.
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Old 03-17-2012, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,410 posts, read 26,677,983 times
Reputation: 16511
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
I am still amazed by people who judge that haven't been in a simiilar situation and slam without understanding the post. . They are entitled to opinions as am I. Very enlightening about those that choose their own interpretation and I've never seen interpretation screwed up so badly.

Funny how so many people took a broad feeling of MY feelings of feeliong lost as a personal affront. Just got back and I don't get it. I have reiterated NUMEROUS times that I love my neighbors/townspeople. I don't know which follow up post some are responding to????????????????

I guess those that don't TRY to see the flip side haven't been in my position. Fine. We are all people.

Basic break down is............. I spent DECADES learning and perfecting skills to succeed in a huge city in numerous fields. Simple right?. Those skills are USELESS in an even remote area or even within my state. OK? Basic. Toss those skills in the trash. Did it years ago. Want to talk and share with your new friends about parts of what made you you or your history? Doesn't happen. Everything you have ever done has never existed here so? Toss decades of what you did in the trash too. Can't talk to anyone about those decades either. Anything I have ever done prior doesn't exist. So, I learn and do what the locals do and it is only that way.

Let those stone throwers uproot and try to redefine themselves without feeling an identity crisis. And for those that want to slam my moments of feeling like I don't fit in? I still love the neighbors I have and this will shock you ALL...they love me too. Why isn't someone allowed to feel lost coming from several million to 2000? If a country mouse came to the city wouldn't the table be different? Damn right. So, I can't feel out of joint and lost going vice versa?

The basic small town stuff was and will always be there within me. I don't and have never faulted THAT. I just was too ready to toss 8o percent of the past 4 decades of my life of learning in the trash in a way to fit in. God forbid that I might have a remembrance of the past 30 years of life and those learning struggles. OMG I might lament experiences that helped to make me me. Throw me under the bus for wondering sometimes why I threw everything I'd worked for away. Selfish city ***** right? Try it before you cast that next stone. I had no prblem EVER doing it either but about twice a year I remember what I had, what I knew, what I did.

For those of you that want to slam me for your imagined "locals NOT liking me"? Dream on. I, for the inth time proclaim that I LOVE my neighbors and think they are great. It is not their FAULT for not having bigger experiences that some have. I just miss those people that have some of the same experiences that I might share some of my OWN INDIVIDUAL history with.

GOOD Grief! I just wonder what so many people share that make them hypersensitive? Maybe not as many people have downsized and lost a huge part of what made them who they were. We are NOT our past but it helps define us and even being able to share silly stories of our past can be nice. Maybe one day those that condemn will experience something similar and will think back.
Or maybe because most of your posts on this thread were condescending and didn't come off how this post did?

If you worded yourself differently from the start, I'm sure you would have had much different responses.
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Old 03-17-2012, 07:10 PM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,490 posts, read 38,407,488 times
Reputation: 23086
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
I am still amazed by people who judge that haven't been in a simiilar situation and slam without understanding the post. . They are entitled to opinions as am I. Very enlightening about those that choose their own interpretation and I've never seen interpretation screwed up so badly.

Funny how so many people took a broad feeling of MY feelings of feeliong lost as a personal affront. Just got back and I don't get it. I have reiterated NUMEROUS times that I love my neighbors/townspeople. I don't know which follow up post some are responding to????????????????

I guess those that don't TRY to see the flip side haven't been in my position. Fine. We are all people.

Basic break down is............. I spent DECADES learning and perfecting skills to succeed in a huge city in numerous fields. Simple right?. Those skills are USELESS in an even remote area or even within my state. OK? Basic. Toss those skills in the trash. Did it years ago. Want to talk and share with your new friends about parts of what made you you or your history? Doesn't happen. Everything you have ever done has never existed here so? Toss decades of what you did in the trash too. Can't talk to anyone about those decades either. Anything I have ever done prior doesn't exist. So, I learn and do what the locals do and it is only that way.

Let those stone throwers uproot and try to redefine themselves without feeling an identity crisis. And for those that want to slam my moments of feeling like I don't fit in? I still love the neighbors I have and this will shock you ALL...they love me too. Why isn't someone allowed to feel lost coming from several million to 2000? If a country mouse came to the city wouldn't the table be different? Damn right. So, I can't feel out of joint and lost going vice versa?

The basic small town stuff was and will always be there within me. I don't and have never faulted THAT. I just was too ready to toss 8o percent of the past 4 decades of my life of learning in the trash in a way to fit in. God forbid that I might have a remembrance of the past 30 years of life and those learning struggles. OMG I might lament experiences that helped to make me me. Throw me under the bus for wondering sometimes why I threw everything I'd worked for away. Selfish city ***** right? Try it before you cast that next stone. I had no prblem EVER doing it either but about twice a year I remember what I had, what I knew, what I did.

For those of you that want to slam me for your imagined "locals NOT liking me"? Dream on. I, for the inth time proclaim that I LOVE my neighbors and think they are great. It is not their FAULT for not having bigger experiences that some have. I just miss those people that have some of the same experiences that I might share some of my OWN INDIVIDUAL history with.

GOOD Grief! I just wonder what so many people share that make them hypersensitive? Maybe not as many people have downsized and lost a huge part of what made them who they were. We are NOT our past but it helps define us and even being able to share silly stories of our past can be nice. Maybe one day those that condemn will experience something similar and will think back.
It seems, solely from your posts, that everywhere you go, even City-Data, everyone else is the problem and no one understands you. You claim to be an intelligent person - what does logic tell you about that particular phenomenon?
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Old 03-17-2012, 09:51 PM
 
Location: A voice of truth, shouted down by fools.
1,086 posts, read 2,319,472 times
Reputation: 903
Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady View Post
It seems, solely from your posts, that everywhere you go, even City-Data, everyone else is the problem and no one understands you. You claim to be an intelligent person - what does logic tell you about that particular phenomenon?
What happened to some beneficial "giving the benefit of the doubt" so that you all can show just how just and wonderful small town people are? Didn't think so!

I grok the original poster's situation because I have lived it. Someone who had little diversity of life experience would be offended by the mere description of it, as many in this thread are. So the hostility shown here is exactly what the OP is concerned about.

The phenomenon is called provincialism. It exists. It's real. A person from a small town or low density environment simply does not usually have their intellect, their assumptions, and their cognitive abilities challenged as does someone who lives in an urban environment. When you get challenged, you grow. If you aren't challenged, you stagnate. Country people are "slower" in important ways than city people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bouncethelight View Post
I think the gist is that no matter where you choose to live, you are missing out on something else. Just like if you date the first guy you meet, you miss out on all the other men that come along later. Life is full of choices like that - and you will always be missing out on something, no matter what you choose.
This is the money quote of the thread. This speaks to the essential problem that the OP faces. If you want to be around ambitious, stimulating people who are wired all the time, then you generally have to be prepared for a lot of ego, fakery and BS. If you would rather be around solid citizens who live responsibly and have their feet on the ground, then you probably can't find anyone to talk about niche interests all that easily.

Everything's a tradeoff.

Last edited by Ohioan58; 03-17-2012 at 10:11 PM..
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Old 03-17-2012, 10:07 PM
 
Location: A voice of truth, shouted down by fools.
1,086 posts, read 2,319,472 times
Reputation: 903
Something else occurred to me. Sometimes people in large cities can be strikingly provincial in an analogous (but quite different) way to small town people.

I have had the experience of moving from a medium sized (1-2 mil population) region to a major (top 5 US metro area in size) region. It was my first job out of college.

Everyone I worked around in that big city was like:

This region is all you will ever need.
Nothing worthwhile happens outside this area.
Everyone and everything cool is here.
You come from X? Do they have paved roads and electricity there yet?
I couldn't possibly live any place else. It would be gross/uncool/stupid.
If you come from a small town you're probably kind of stupid.

It REALLY got on my nerves, in the same way that the incomprehension of a yokel about some run of the mill thing I take for granted can be.

I think the OP seems to have a lot of heart, goodwill, and also the ability to observe people keenly and accurately. It is a shame that the typical City Data types here doing the "jury of peers" thing who run in mobs and think like a hive mind feel that it is necessary to tear this person down for being honest.
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Old 03-17-2012, 10:13 PM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,490 posts, read 38,407,488 times
Reputation: 23086
I don't know that many of the people here fall into the category of "little diversity of life experience", from what I'm reading. I, as I said, have lived in the country, in small towns, in the city, have travelled in the U.S. and overseas, have had my "cognitive abilities challenged" not only in urban settings but in rural ones. (I'd love to see someone who's been raised and whose experiences are solely urban plopped down in the country to figure out how to survive and thrive. That, in and of itself, would dispel a heck of a lot of misconceptions, from my observations.) Others in this thread have described similar experience.

As for provincialism (Narrow-mindedness, insularity, or lack of sophistication.), that is exhibited, all the time, by city folk as well as country folk. Particularly insularity, where one thinks one's own little piece of the world is all there is or is the only thing that has any value.

All of that being as it may, however, the OP has demonstrated quite clearly that the problem is that he doesn't seem to be able to get along with, or approve of, EITHER city folk or country folk. Or City-Data folk, come to that. The question becomes, what's the common denominator between all those different kinds of people that the OP finds so wanting?
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Old 03-17-2012, 10:17 PM
 
Location: South Dakota
434 posts, read 594,652 times
Reputation: 665
I know I have to dumb myself down to fit in with the locals, whom I have NOTHING in common with. Sure we have our basic small town "roots" but as adults? NIL However, I didn't have a thing in common with big city phony people. [/quote]

You dissed the small town locals by calling them dumb, and you dissed the city folks for being phony. Do you think you might be the one who is the problem?
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Old 03-18-2012, 01:10 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,143 posts, read 43,070,821 times
Reputation: 51714
Provincialism is absolutely not confined to rural and small town-dwellers.
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Old 03-18-2012, 01:40 AM
 
Location: Columbia, California
6,663 posts, read 26,708,598 times
Reputation: 5101
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
Yah...been doing so for 15 years and totally respect the basics that brought me here to start with....the rest is NOT there. You don't have to "play nice" I do it daily. My neighbors are great on most fronts. They just haven't a clue that life can happen outside logging, milking and syrupping.
Same here. There is a slack jawed look that the dumb carry off so well.
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