Trying to fit in small town USA (farmer, gas, livestock)

[tigre79]

Originally Posted by TabulaRasa

Provincialism is absolutely not confined to rural and small town-dwellers.

Definitely not. And I don't think it's all that mentally challenging to live in a city or suburb, either. Seems to me a lot of urban people hire things out more and don't know how to do near as many things as most rural folks I've known.

I do know a little of what the OP is talking about in terms of leaving part of yourself behind, though. Just before I moved here I completed a masters degree that I'll almost certainly never use now, and even though I love this place, there is some regret that goes along with abandoning my potential career in order to live here. I went from a work environment where people talked about science 80% of the time (and even casual discussions or jokes tended to take a geeky slant) to a job where the usual lunchtime conversation is about hunting or football or tv shows. But a lot of these people can do amazing things that I'll probably never be able to do. Their mechanical and outdoor skills put me to shame and I'm fascinated at some of the stories they can tell...when they stop talking about football. You really just have to pick your poison. Unless you've found your Shangri-La, you make do with what seems the best for you and go on with your life, or you keep looking for something that fits you better. It's not rocket science.

[SCGranny]

I moved here about the same time as a "neighbor" did, 8 miles away.

I was raised rurally, on an island right outside of an eastern coastal city. This means I had the best of both worlds; I had my own garden, had to ride 3 miles on my bike just to meet the bookmobile every two weeks, worked on the local tomato farms - and had access to colleges, libraries, social and sports events that many rural people did/do not. After I grew up, I spent 30 years traveling the country, teaching adult classes, was involved in high-end local and Washington politics, running my own businesses (campaign management, urban development, and my own ad agency), and being heavily involved in fast-paced society, usually 14 hours a day, seven days a week. I have hundreds of pics of me with famous people - two are current presidential candidates. I chose to move to a very rural area, and now work at a rural school, raise my own gardens, cattle, and chickens, and am putting in an orchard this year. DH - an ex-fire chief and paramedic - does small engine repair and works around our farm. Last night DH and I were down at the local bar, table to table, chatting with our rural friends and neighbors about what matters in our lives - the weather, calving, their kids, who got the management job at the newly-purchased ranch down the street - we love it; we are interested in their lives, we have a lot of fun and good conversations. Few people here have seen or know about all of the recognitions, awards and pictures I have, blended into the other wall and shelf decorations around the house; most have no idea of the places I've been, whom I've known, who I was before I came here - and that is fine with me. That's who I was, not who I am.

Juxtapose that with "Krista", the neighbor woman who moved here with her family at the same time as we. She never lets anyone forget that she is a "big city" girl, from Omaha. She's a nurse and lets people know how important and necessary she is in their lives. She ridicules the people here for being dumb and not having any social skills, the area for not having any social entertainment, she is so impressed with herself and thinks that everyone admires her - or at least should. They are aware of her - they call her "Krazy Krista" because she is so mercurial and nasty, so superior to everyone she meets, behaves as if she graces them with her presence and she feels she should be appreciated for deigning to be here with all of these rednecks. In conversation she lets everyone know how important she is, how richly amazing and exciting the big city of Omaha is, and how they should all aspire to educate and raise themselves up to her estimable level. She tells everyone about how, when her multi-millionaire father-in-law dies, she and her Husband will be rich and return to the lap of luxury and the cosmopolitan life of Omaha again.

I just smile, let her carry on, and say nothing to her... like most of the people here.

Whom do you think fits in better? Whom do you think is happier and more content? Whom do you think has more real, lasting friendships and associations?

[masonsdaughter]

Tigre79 and SCGranny, I think you have identified the problem. I have lived in cities and towns and did not like the lifestyle, even though I made some good friends there. I don't blame the poeple there, they seemed to like the lifestyle, and it's good that they were able to live a lifestyle they liked. I just understood that I would never be happy there, and moved back to a rural area as soon as I could.
I think that a lot of people move to a rural area and want to leave behind some aspects of city life, yet cannot understand that they will not the same lifestyle they had in the city. When they do realize this, they look around for someone to blame. Yup, us ignerent country folks.

[StealthRabbit]

Originally Posted by masonsdaughter

...they look around for someone to blame. Yup, us ignerent country folks.

NOT always country folk to blame, I think it is a 'Left-wing-conspiracy' to not allow access to news and info to country dwellers (they don't want our votes / input).

I'm country born and bred (maybe there is something in the genes) But I'm getting pretty tired of "pay-by-the-byte' Dialup. I can't even balance my checkbook, w/o the connection timing out, much less VOTE .

Oh for a podcast or YouTube... Guess I better stick with currying the calves and listening to my vast collection of 8 tracks. . (And I'm only 20 miles from a metro area...)

[masonsdaughter]

Actually, most country people I know do keep up with news and info, except when it starts with "where I came from" or "When I lived in----, we did this and that". We know there is a trade-off, and we make the best decisions we can for ourselves.
If you live in a rural area or small town, you are not going to have the same lifestyle. If you don't want to live without city conveniences, then don't move to the country or a small town. Also, don't move to the country and expect poeple to have the same interests that poeple in cities have. It is that simple.
Currying the calves? Oooookay.

[swanstone1]

Thanks to all for the input and it was appreciated. I got input from both sides. Alas, I moved to small town and learned what the locals did(from them), DID what the locals did and shut my trap. If you move to a different locale, you adjust to THEIR lifestyles not vice-versa and do not EVER say a word. So, it took me 15 years AND on an anonymous (not) thread???? I only expressed some lingering thoughts that popped up occasionally. I always said I LOVED my neighbors and thought they were great and DO to this day. For the main part, I do fine. I however sometimes lament my past and what I learned and would like someone to "get it" and either laugh with me or not. That is all. It's just not gonna happen.

I understand that some need to have a bad guy in the race but there isn't a person on the planet to agree that it is me. Maybe I did not have the best delivery initially? Maybe I didn't post as "poor me and feel sorry for me". I was just being honest about what I observe and sometimes feel. I'm not the only one. Most I meet in a similar situation (locally) just tell me to get antidepressants??? Sorry, I'd rather be real and sometimes express honest frustration.

As a reminder I never said my fellow neighbors had a problem. I simply said what "I" observed, how "I " felt and how "I" felt it was "my" conundrum. "My" only conundrum is can you go too small or get too simple? As with any situation that one might scratch his head and say,"wtf". I sometimes do.

[itsMeFred]

Maybe I didn't post as "poor me and feel sorry for me".

No...I'm pretty sure it was the thing about a walking lobotomy and needing to dumb yourself down in order to fit in with the locals that was off-putting for most folks.

[SCentralNEGuy]

Swanstone you should like a very angry person. Sorry you are that way.

I think people who successfully transition from a big city or suburban area go through a life cycle of adaptation:

(1) Initial excitement - "grass is greener", low cost of living, relaxed pace, nature.

(2) Disappointment - optimism wears off as realize people are different than he/she is used to, wages are not as high as in the city or metro area, has to travel further for entertainment and amenities, stress of being new and learning people's names.

(3) Acceptance - realizes things are different than from where he/she came from, reaches out to other people and asks them about their own interests and lives (I would NOT underestimate the importance of being friendly and getting to know people in a small town - which is one of the things that makes small town life so enjoyable for me is the cohesiveness of the people and getting to socialize ) Learns to accept town as is and realizes that may have to find different things to do for entertainment or travel to a bigger town every so often for major purchases or for dining out. Learns to love the different community events, relaxed pace, nature, low cost structure that drew him/her to the small town in the first place.

Swanstone you sound like you are still on (2) after many years, perhaps you don't need to be in a small town.

[SCGranny]

A lot of folks don't realize that many of the reasons they move to the country are because of the very factors that they end up resenting.

Like low crime -
Many folks in one area are related, and they grow up together like the old 1950's B&W shows - where your neighbor's mom can yell at you to stop harassing your sister, because she is also your aunt or your 5th grade teacher.

People gossip - which means that if you are a thief or a con artist, people won't do business with you, because Herb and Angie did and you ripped them off, and everyone in town knows about it.

Most folks carry guns, for hunting or to kill varmints (like snakes, skunks, or coyotes) and know how to use them. This usually makes 'passerby' criminals hesitant to rob or assault people - they don't know who's carrying, even if it's the 11 year old girl coming home from trap practice.

Many rural teens don't have time to get into trouble, join gangs, or wear their 'pants on the ground' - they have to get up early to do chores before breakfast, then go home after BBall practice to do the same until after dark. They learn how to drive at an early age to use the pickup to haul the hay bales to the cattle, or to run the tractor for Dad. They learn in FFA how to become fiscal managers, even buying their own beef cattle with bank loans at 16, raising them, then selling them at auction to pay off the loan and profit. They are too busy learning how to be adults than to remain spoiled and dependent, arrogant children who take what they want from others.

Most rural people are too busy making a living to run to the big city and sit through entertainment extravaganzas; few would trade their productive and energizing lives for a life of being endlessly, expensively and expansively entertained. They make their own entertainment, and love watching little Clive grow up singing next to Mom's piano, or dressing up to perform in the school plays. They learn how to cook from scratch because it takes two hours minimum to 'run to the grocery store' even in pleasant weather; so their foods are more healthy and those who can cook are sought out for dinners and brandings and BBQs. They value the basics of life, not the neon and endless chatter that some people think is 'life'. They are what and where they are because they choose to be, not because some magnetic or gravitational pull keeps them where they are, or because they don't know any better.

You can either embrace it, or stand outside of it and wish it was different. But you should understand that the motivations for moving to the country should never ignore the facts that rural living works the way it does because of these personality traits and factors, not in spite of them. Every benefit rural living has over city living is dependent on these factors - and if you can't deal with the causes, you shouldn't expect different results.

Reading this thread has made me wonder about how the OP's daughter feels about where she lives; if she happily participates in and enjoys the rural lifestyle, or if she is standoffish and prefers to consider herself separate from, even superior to, the rural boys and girls around her. If the latter, then you are likely doing her no favor by keeping her in a rural setting - she will leave ASAP, for the "bright lights big city" and you will be alone. Kids are funny that way - they sense your dissatisfaction and attitudes, and it becomes their own, even if you are not aware of it or try to hide it. I've seen it in women who marry ranchers out here - they give their children horses and cattle and land and opportunities, but their attitude of showing their children the 'better life' of malls and shopping and big city life at least every three months subliminally convinces their children that there is much more to life than living their dad's rural lifestyle, and they leave as soon as they graduate.

[GregW]

OP - Move closer to Burlington.