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Old 03-22-2012, 07:07 PM
 
13,649 posts, read 26,071,215 times
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Seems to me that the internet could help with a lot of people's adjustment from a city/suburban environment to a more rural or small town. If one is used to "talking about science" because maybe of their workplace, then they can still talk science with people or friends online. People tend to talk about the things in their daily lives, so if people are involved with their church or issues of gardening and weather and livestock, then likely that's what they'll talk about.
I think of the scene in the lovely Hallmark movie, "Magic of Ordinary Days," where the farmer who had an arranged marriage with a highly educated pregnant woman took out a book on archeology because that's what she studied. (Personally, I thought she was fairly rude, saying how she was sick of hearing about the weather and crops). At a family dinner, the husband said, "Lately I've been thinking about Troy," and the family found that surprising. The wife looked charmingly stunned, and then kindly asked, "So, should we plant beans this year?"
I found the character of the husband very poignant, and a lot nicer than I would have been to such a rude snotty woman! Did anyone else see this movie?
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Old 03-25-2012, 03:00 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,779 posts, read 6,690,462 times
Reputation: 8308
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
I am still amazed by people who judge that haven't been in a simiilar situation and slam without understanding the post. . They are entitled to opinions as am I. Very enlightening about those that choose their own interpretation and I've never seen interpretation screwed up so badly.

Funny how so many people took a broad feeling of MY feelings of feeliong lost as a personal affront. Just got back and I don't get it. I have reiterated NUMEROUS times that I love my neighbors/townspeople. I don't know which follow up post some are responding to????????????????

I guess those that don't TRY to see the flip side haven't been in my position. Fine. We are all people.

Basic break down is............. I spent DECADES learning and perfecting skills to succeed in a huge city in numerous fields. Simple right?. Those skills are USELESS in an even remote area or even within my state. OK? Basic. Toss those skills in the trash. Did it years ago. Want to talk and share with your new friends about parts of what made you you or your history? Doesn't happen. Everything you have ever done has never existed here so? Toss decades of what you did in the trash too. Can't talk to anyone about those decades either. Anything I have ever done prior doesn't exist. So, I learn and do what the locals do and it is only that way.

Let those stone throwers uproot and try to redefine themselves without feeling an identity crisis. And for those that want to slam my moments of feeling like I don't fit in? I still love the neighbors I have and this will shock you ALL...they love me too. Why isn't someone allowed to feel lost coming from several million to 2000? If a country mouse came to the city wouldn't the table be different? Damn right. So, I can't feel out of joint and lost going vice versa?

The basic small town stuff was and will always be there within me. I don't and have never faulted THAT. I just was too ready to toss 8o percent of the past 4 decades of my life of learning in the trash in a way to fit in. God forbid that I might have a remembrance of the past 30 years of life and those learning struggles. OMG I might lament experiences that helped to make me me. Throw me under the bus for wondering sometimes why I threw everything I'd worked for away. Selfish city ***** right? Try it before you cast that next stone. I had no prblem EVER doing it either but about twice a year I remember what I had, what I knew, what I did.

For those of you that want to slam me for your imagined "locals NOT liking me"? Dream on. I, for the inth time proclaim that I LOVE my neighbors and think they are great. It is not their FAULT for not having bigger experiences that some have. I just miss those people that have some of the same experiences that I might share some of my OWN INDIVIDUAL history with.

GOOD Grief! I just wonder what so many people share that make them hypersensitive? Maybe not as many people have downsized and lost a huge part of what made them who they were. We are NOT our past but it helps define us and even being able to share silly stories of our past can be nice. Maybe one day those that condemn will experience something similar and will think back.
I get your posts. I didn't think you were slamming your neighbours. I grew up in a rural area, on a farm and then life took me to places and circumstances outside of that. It's not possible (and why should you?) to just amputate large portions of one's life as though they never existed. My husband and I moved 20 years ago to a farm in a rural area, among people we had both grown up with - but grew away from.

Life does that.

I don't think I'm better than anyone else in my town but it would be nice sometimes to have a kindred spirit. I think that's what you were saying. I think of myself as having one foot in and one foot out of my community and that's hard sometimes.

If you live close enough to a larger city, it's possible to get the other, non-rural side of you acknowledged by making friends who share your interests there.

For myself though, I have never felt any very great need to make sure I fit in everywhere. My rural background is solid enough a credential and I can talk about the weather, the problems of raising livestock with the best of them. But I don't waste any energy in trying to inititate conversations about things which I know will not be understood - not due to stupidity but to different experiences in life. I won't negate my beliefs or experiences just to fit in but neither will I start an argument on purpose.

However, I also agree with the poster (can't remember which post) who said that sometimes one can find allies in unexpected places.
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Old 03-25-2012, 05:38 AM
 
5,239 posts, read 6,872,068 times
Reputation: 11337
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
I am still amazed by people who judge that haven't been in a simiilar situation and slam without understanding the post. . They are entitled to opinions as am I. Very enlightening about those that choose their own interpretation and I've never seen interpretation screwed up so badly.

Funny how so many people took a broad feeling of MY feelings of feeliong lost as a personal affront. Just got back and I don't get it. I have reiterated NUMEROUS times that I love my neighbors/townspeople. I don't know which follow up post some are responding to????????????????

I guess those that don't TRY to see the flip side haven't been in my position. Fine. We are all people.

Basic break down is............. I spent DECADES learning and perfecting skills to succeed in a huge city in numerous fields. Simple right?. Those skills are USELESS in an even remote area or even within my state. OK? Basic. Toss those skills in the trash. Did it years ago. Want to talk and share with your new friends about parts of what made you you or your history? Doesn't happen. Everything you have ever done has never existed here so? Toss decades of what you did in the trash too. Can't talk to anyone about those decades either. Anything I have ever done prior doesn't exist. So, I learn and do what the locals do and it is only that way.

Let those stone throwers uproot and try to redefine themselves without feeling an identity crisis. And for those that want to slam my moments of feeling like I don't fit in? I still love the neighbors I have and this will shock you ALL...they love me too. Why isn't someone allowed to feel lost coming from several million to 2000? If a country mouse came to the city wouldn't the table be different? Damn right. So, I can't feel out of joint and lost going vice versa?

The basic small town stuff was and will always be there within me. I don't and have never faulted THAT. I just was too ready to toss 8o percent of the past 4 decades of my life of learning in the trash in a way to fit in. God forbid that I might have a remembrance of the past 30 years of life and those learning struggles. OMG I might lament experiences that helped to make me me. Throw me under the bus for wondering sometimes why I threw everything I'd worked for away. Selfish city ***** right? Try it before you cast that next stone. I had no prblem EVER doing it either but about twice a year I remember what I had, what I knew, what I did.

For those of you that want to slam me for your imagined "locals NOT liking me"? Dream on. I, for the inth time proclaim that I LOVE my neighbors and think they are great. It is not their FAULT for not having bigger experiences that some have. I just miss those people that have some of the same experiences that I might share some of my OWN INDIVIDUAL history with.

GOOD Grief! I just wonder what so many people share that make them hypersensitive? Maybe not as many people have downsized and lost a huge part of what made them who they were. We are NOT our past but it helps define us and even being able to share silly stories of our past can be nice. Maybe one day those that condemn will experience something similar and will think back.
I don't think people are being hypersensitive in their responses, if anything its you that is being hypersensitive. Your initial post came off as a pretentious know it all that is just sooo educated and sooo highly successful, just so far above the crowd and you gave it all up for the simple life now you resent not being a big fish as you interact with the locals and its all so dull. Oh lordy, being around all these country folks is dumbing me down, I'm just soo bright and they just can't talk on my level. What a quandary I'm in, I'm just so much you know and this is giving me a walking lobotomy having such mundane conversations with the locals. Oh my, what shall I do. Your first post made you look like an arrogant, egocentric arse, plain and simple. So what would you really expect people to say back? I think they were all pretty kind considering.

This above post is not a whole lot better. I don't even see the point of your initial post. For god sake, you have lived there 15 years and you still haven't adjusted to the small town environment? This isn't an immediate buyer remorse problem here. Anyone that moves to a small town from a large city, visits a few times and gets the idea right away this ain't New York city. There is a small amount of everything compared to a large city. Thats pretty simple isn't it? People are going to be different too, that is also pretty simple to deduce. And as someone else pointed out, there is the internet. People live in small towns and do business with the big city folks everyday. It's not like you are shut off with no phone, internet and TV. I don't think moving to a rural location makes one forget all they ever knew about various subjects, so read up on what interests you, books can even be bought online these days.

You say the country folk love you, well I bet they would be hurt if they saw your initial post. Be honest, read them that line about the walking lobotomy and you see how much they like you after knowing what you really think of them. If you talk down to them, are always bragging about how smart you are or what you know or what you were, turning the conversations to something they might not be familiar with, they may smile and be nice but you have no idea whats going through their minds. This line really gets me, "It's not their fault they didn't have bigger experiences", how bloody condescending. You like them anyway, even though they are simple minded yokels, we get it. I believe a person is something in this world based on who they are, meaning their values, morals, and what they do for others. I don't see it being about ones education or being able to travel or have more experiences that make them better than someone else in any sense. I envy the good man that has a simple life, a good wife and has peace and contentment.

This decision rests with you. Either remain in your self made prison surrounded by locals and continue complaining about dumbing down, or move. If you can't make a decision on your own and need advice then I would be asking people that you know well such as family and close city friends, but certainly not locals or strangers on the internet. I think we have exhausted this topic, at least I'm done with it.
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Old 03-25-2012, 05:58 AM
 
Location: Kenmore, WA
7,490 posts, read 6,581,029 times
Reputation: 10947
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
...I know I have to dumb myself down to fit in with the locals, whom I have NOTHING in common with. ...I didn't have a thing in common with big city phony people....I consider moving back to some "civilization" occasionally ...did you do giving me a walking lobotomy."
My, oh, my. Lobotomy? I think not. It seems you are thinking too much -- of yourself, and too little of your neighbors.

It might help if you didn't think of your neighbors as "dumb," and gave a moment's thought to the fact that they might actually take offence that you do not view your new home as civilization -- unless you are living in a cave and everyone wears bloody skins and tears their meat off the bone with their bare teeth.

In my experience, one does not "fit into" a small community; one is accepted. In order to be accepted, one must accept.
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Old 03-25-2012, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,779 posts, read 6,690,462 times
Reputation: 8308
Re the OP's walking lobotomy comment - if a person doesn't feel challenged in the area where they have expertise or interest, to the point where it isn't possible to have a conversation about said area with anyone, ever, one certainly can feel one has had a lobotomy. It doesn't follow that you think your neighbours are stupid or that they have had a lobotomy.

And for the same reasons to feel that you have to "dumb yourself down," isn't necessarily the same as saying your neighbours are dumb.

I count on a lot of people to dumb their fields down for me - doctors, lawyers, accountants, mechanics. Because those are not my areas of expertise, I want them to speak at my level - simple, simple, simple

On the other hand, if I were to talk to them on my area of knowledge, I would have to dumb it down. The need to talk occasionally to people who are like-minded is exactly what gives rise to everything from farmers' organizations to artists' groups to medical conferences.

I see absolutely nothing in the OP's posts that indicate she thinks she is better than everyone else. But I have noticed in rural areas generally, there is a quickness to leap to the assumption that if someone knows something or has some experience outside the norm, that if you just are yourself, you must be talking down to them.

I think the OP has a bad day and was venting. If I didn't have the roots here that I have cushioning me, I think it would be harder for me to live here.

There are people who come to rural areas and act like they think news the world is round hasn't yet reached here - but I don't see that the OP is one of them in anything he or she wrote.
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Old 03-26-2012, 06:48 AM
 
Location: Eastern Kentucky
1,237 posts, read 2,760,980 times
Reputation: 1290
I have known people who moved from the country to the city and people who moved from the city to the country. The difference seems to be that the people who move from the country understand that there will be differences and allow for that. If they find that they can't assimilate, they either tough it out or move as soon as possible. They don't blame the neighbors, the local government, ect...
People, if you are from the city and move to the country there will be differences in lifestyle, conversation, and the way things are done. If you cannot accept this, you are not going to be happy. If you do, or have, made this move and are not happy, place the blame where it belongs. On your own shoulders. Who made the decision to move?
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Old 03-26-2012, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Central Texas
20,490 posts, read 38,410,774 times
Reputation: 23086
Quote:
Originally Posted by swanstone1 View Post
I know things I say might immediately seem offensive to anyone who lives in a small town and that is not at ALL my intention and maybe I just don't know how to ask otherwise.

I moved from a southern city of roughly 3 1/2 mill people and it is now 51/2 mill. Granted I grew up just outside that environment and would have fought tooth and nail if I ever would have been forced to live there growing up. So, I grew up. I did move there. I was veryy successful in many male dominated businesses and it was all a piece of cake. However, once I had my own kid, I longed for her to grow up with the old fashioned small town ethics/surroundings I did. I relocated us 2200 miles from home. New England was so much safer...........no drive by shootings at the elementary schools or at my store.

Still, after 15 years, I find myself in a roundabout of emotions. I know I have to dumb myself down to fit in with the locals, whom I have NOTHING in common with. Sure we have our basic small town "roots" but as adults? NIL However, I didn't have a thing in common with big city phony people. I wonder if I compromised my daughters' growth on MANY fronts. Yes, I consider moving back to some "civilization" occasionally but know my heart would break. Funny , but my soul has peace but my head wonders ," What the hell did you do giving me a walking lobotomy."

Ahhh the definition of conundrum................
Something that folks seem to keep missing in the original post. The OP has problems with the people, is somehow superior to them, and has nothing in common with them wherever she finds herself. That, to me, says that the problem is not with the locale, but closer to home.
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Old 03-26-2012, 11:00 AM
 
Location: Canada
5,779 posts, read 6,690,462 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady View Post
Something that folks seem to keep missing in the original post. The OP has problems with the people, is somehow superior to them, and has nothing in common with them wherever she finds herself. That, to me, says that the problem is not with the locale, but closer to home.
You could have a point. But without knowing more about the OP, I wouldn't go that far because there are a lot of people who, having grown up in a particular culture, or place, after moving, find themselves feeling rootless and not really at home in any place. You know, rather like that old saying, you can't go home again?

I didn't put too much weight into her statement that she has nothing in common with anyone, because people sometimes talk that way out of frustration and don't literally mean they have nothing in common with a group of people.

Some of it also comes down to expectations. I'm not that much of a people-person but some people are, and I think people who need people around a lot would have a harder time of it. And I also don't worry about fitting in anywhere. Some people do, and some people try too hard and worry about it too much. My feeling is that I'd rather spend time with my horses than worrying about not fitting in or making some kind of extreme effort that isn't really me in order to please other people.

I see that more as the problem, just from reading the posts. The poster seems to be saying that she's tried so hard to fit in she feels she has to negate every part of her life that doesn't pertain to her rural life.

That's bound to make anyone unhappy, and I just don't see the need to do that even if that means not everyone loves me.
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Old 03-27-2012, 03:59 PM
 
13,649 posts, read 26,071,215 times
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Maybe I'm hypersensitive to language (I know I am) but the heading of this thread, "Smalltown USA," sounds snarky to me, seems to presume certain stereotypes about any small town in the US, and certainly they vary as much as any other kind of area, city, suburb, countryside, and so on.
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Old 03-27-2012, 06:29 PM
 
Location: Keosauqua, Iowa
9,200 posts, read 17,054,105 times
Reputation: 12393
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I found the character of the husband very poignant, and a lot nicer than I would have been to such a rude snotty woman! Did anyone else see this movie?
I remember the movie, it was enjoyable. I felt the same about the woman early in the movie. I loved how she tricked the Nazi into stealing the truck when ti was out of gas at the end, though!
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