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Old 08-09-2012, 11:07 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,946 posts, read 15,226,323 times
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I currently live in the small town of Fort Smith, Arkansas. I recently moved here from Charlotte, with the intention of it being temporary, due to a long saga that pretty much destroyed my life and my career. I am currently searching for jobs in nearby cities such as Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Dallas, etc so far to no avail. My family is now really pressuring me to stay in my hometown permanently, and trying to guilt me into it. Thing is, it might end up happening if I am unable to find a job in my career field and have to take a local job at a factory or something.

The most difficult part is I can't stand this town and in no way want to live here. Everything from the rural mindset, limited shopping other than Walmart, restaurants limited pretty much to fast food or Olive Garden for "fine dining" is just not my cup of tea.

Now with the prospect looming of having to live here permanently, I am trying to think if there is any way I could force myself to like this town. Has anybody else ever been in a situation where they have been stuck somewhere they hated and were able to force themselves to like it?

Last edited by bchris02; 08-09-2012 at 11:43 PM..
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Old 08-10-2012, 12:02 AM
 
Location: Cody, WY
9,786 posts, read 11,271,488 times
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Fort Smith, Arkansas has a population of 86,000 and a crime rate 60% above the national average. It's larger by far than any city in Wyoming and all but one in Montana. It has four Walmarts! It's not a small town; it's a big city.

Try a place with a few hundred or a few thousand people. That's where you'll find rural and small town living. Right now, you're just comparing big cities.
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Old 08-10-2012, 12:06 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,143 posts, read 43,070,821 times
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Uh, isn't Fort Smith the second largest city in the state? I know someone who grew up there. It's not a small town.

And, for what it's worth, most places with "rural mindsets" do not have outposts of The Olive Garden. The Olive Garden and its ilk are small city and suburban mainstays, not indicative of small villages and hamlets.

My hometown has 7,000 people. Know what its restaurant options are?

Subway, McDonald's, a truck stop, and a round-the-clock diner that's been run by the same Albanian family for forty years. The last two are pretty good. But national sit-down chains are not typically found in true small towns.
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Old 08-10-2012, 07:37 AM
 
2,878 posts, read 3,926,100 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02 View Post
I currently live in the small town of Fort Smith, Arkansas. I recently moved here from Charlotte, with the intention of it being temporary, due to a long saga that pretty much destroyed my life and my career. I am currently searching for jobs in nearby cities such as Oklahoma City, Tulsa, Dallas, etc so far to no avail. My family is now really pressuring me to stay in my hometown permanently, and trying to guilt me into it. Thing is, it might end up happening if I am unable to find a job in my career field and have to take a local job at a factory or something.

The most difficult part is I can't stand this town and in no way want to live here. Everything from the rural mindset, limited shopping other than Walmart, restaurants limited pretty much to fast food or Olive Garden for "fine dining" is just not my cup of tea.

Now with the prospect looming of having to live here permanently, I am trying to think if there is any way I could force myself to like this town. Has anybody else ever been in a situation where they have been stuck somewhere they hated and were able to force themselves to like it?
You are a grown up. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions and make a decision where you want to live and just go there. You have only one life to live and the worst thing you can do is live it according to someone else's wishes, even if they are family.

I have always lived my life where and how I saw fit, never apologized to my family or anyone else

My opinion only, you know your situation best

OD
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:09 AM
 
Location: Kansas
19,185 posts, read 15,412,158 times
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I don't think the issue is of the size of the town but the culture shock involved in a move to this area of the country. We are north of Fort Smith and this area of the country is "different". Services are limited in the smallest to the larger cities if you are from east of the Mississippi. I experienced this culture shock on a few moves. Will you learn to like it? You might or you might not and only time would tell you that.
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Old 08-10-2012, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,143 posts, read 43,070,821 times
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The issue seems to be more that you don't want to end up staying in your hometown, more than anything else. That being the case, I would doubt that you will be very successful in forcing yourself to be happy somewhere you've already decided you won't be happy. The family pressure...inconvenient, but not insurmountable. The job front...a more serious problem, but it is what it is. What can you do to make yourself more marketable to a wider range of job options that would allow you more mobility? Whether or not you find immediate work elsewhere, it's doubtful that you'll be faced with no choices but to stay where you are for forever. I don't know your specific situation, but even if there's no practical way to leave right in the present, you can still put together some type of long-range plan to get wherever it is that you do want to be, and figure out what you will need to do over time to make that happen.

Ultimately, you may not love where you are, and there isn't a whole lot of reason to try and force yourself to love it if you don't. But if you can at least tolerate it while you set up and execute a plan to go wherever it is that you DO want to be, you'll be a in a lot better shape than if you dwell in how much you don't want to be where you are and just start spinning your wheels.
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Old 08-10-2012, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,946 posts, read 15,226,323 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
The issue seems to be more that you don't want to end up staying in your hometown, more than anything else. That being the case, I would doubt that you will be very successful in forcing yourself to be happy somewhere you've already decided you won't be happy. The family pressure...inconvenient, but not insurmountable. The job front...a more serious problem, but it is what it is. What can you do to make yourself more marketable to a wider range of job options that would allow you more mobility? Whether or not you find immediate work elsewhere, it's doubtful that you'll be faced with no choices but to stay where you are for forever. I don't know your specific situation, but even if there's no practical way to leave right in the present, you can still put together some type of long-range plan to get wherever it is that you do want to be, and figure out what you will need to do over time to make that happen.

Ultimately, you may not love where you are, and there isn't a whole lot of reason to try and force yourself to love it if you don't. But if you can at least tolerate it while you set up and execute a plan to go wherever it is that you DO want to be, you'll be a in a lot better shape than if you dwell in how much you don't want to be where you are and just start spinning your wheels.
Agreed. I just need to learn to tolerate this town for however long I will be here but I don't think I could ever bring myself to love it. My problem with my job search is I was fired from a government IT job back in September 2009. It was the biggest lesson of my life and I have completely changed my ways since then. I held a very low-grade telemarketing job when I was in Charlotte and gave it my all for almost three years. I seem unable however to convince prospective employers that I have changed my ways. I have a bachelors degree in IT that I got in December 2007. I have had numerous interviews in OKC and I am certain that with their 4.4% unemployment rate out there, if it wasn't for having been fired, I would easily be able to find a job.

If I end up staying in this town, I'll have to either go back to school for a second bachelors degree or my masters, and hopefully doing something like that will help erase or at least lessen the impact of my firing back in 2009. Now many schools won't allow you to go for a second bachelors degree and its nearly impossible to get federal loans or grants, and there is no nearby school that has a graduate program, so that leaves me in a bit of a bind.
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Old 08-10-2012, 11:38 AM
 
Location: Middle America
37,143 posts, read 43,070,821 times
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I'm assuming that for whatever reasons you were fired, things unfolded in such a way that prospective employers are able to access specific information about the reasons for the termination? That's unfortunate. Unless your termination involved criminal charges that can be verified via being matters of public information or similar, really, specific information about your termination should be pretty confidential (i.e. former employers should be able to verify that you did, in fact, work for them from point A to point B, and that's pretty much all) Again, don't know your situation, though.

Not sure if you're aware, but KC's tech sector appears to be in not too horrid of shape (overall, Kansas City's job market has been reasonably stable). Some are government jobs, which I'm guessing would be a no-go, but some are not. I really couldn't promise that you'll enjoy the atmosphere any better, but it is a larger city, obviously.
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Old 08-10-2012, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,682 posts, read 9,457,365 times
Reputation: 13850
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Uh, isn't Fort Smith the second largest city in the state? I know someone who grew up there. It's not a small town.

And, for what it's worth, most places with "rural mindsets" do not have outposts of The Olive Garden. The Olive Garden and its ilk are small city and suburban mainstays, not indicative of small villages and hamlets.

My hometown has 7,000 people. Know what its restaurant options are?

Subway, McDonald's, a truck stop, and a round-the-clock diner that's been run by the same Albanian family for forty years. The last two are pretty good. But national sit-down chains are not typically found in true small towns.
Hmm, I guess it depends where your small town is located. In my neck of the woods, my small town of 5000 has (within a five mile radius of the Courthouse) two Shusi places, an Italian, a Thai, an Indian, four Mexican, three Chinese, three undefined gourmet restaurants, and a Steak House -all of which are average to good in quality. We also have a MacDonalds, a Taco Bell, two Subways and a Burger King. Four Pizza places.

And as it has been pointed out a town of 85K is not a small town. Small City, yes.
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Old 08-10-2012, 05:42 PM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,120 posts, read 7,660,004 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02 View Post
My problem with my job search is I was fired from a government IT job back in September 2009. It was the biggest lesson of my life and I have completely changed my ways since then. .
You do not need to tell potential employers this.......
I have a friend who was fired from his job, he had worked there a dozen years, he chose to be honest and tell his story in job interviews, he was never hired..
I work for a large company and asked our HR manager about my friends problem and job interviewing. I stressed to him that it was just a general conversation, and I wasn't trying to get my friend a job ( he's not cut out for my line of work)
He said not to mention that you were fired, or to mention the previous job. If they ask why did you leave a job you had for several years or what was obvously a good job like your goverment gig, that love is always a good answer.. Where I live we have an Air Force Base near by. My friend started to say that he left his previous employeer because his fiance was in the Air Force was being transfered to (Pick Anywhere). That he left for her, and after a few weeks it was apparent that they couldn't live together so he packed up and headed home.
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