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Old 01-11-2014, 08:42 AM
 
686 posts, read 971,282 times
Reputation: 283

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Dont tattle!

[100 posts btw]
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Old 01-13-2014, 12:36 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,509,377 times
Reputation: 7537
Be nice to your neighbors, you have to live next to them.
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Old 01-17-2014, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,793 posts, read 4,727,171 times
Reputation: 9582
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this thread and was going to complain that it was not titled correctly. It should have been something along the lines of "Read this thread completely before moving to a small town". The animal rights stuff messed it up a little bit, but the rules posted by fellow forum members are something to keep close to the heart when moving to and becoming a member of a small town.

In four more years, I will retire and will leave the state of my birth to spend my golden years elsewhere. My focus right now is somewhere in the northern Rocky Mountain area. Last month, I took a two week vacation to the area with the goal of, "if I'm seriously considering moving here, I need to visit in wintertime to see if I can endure the weather".

I came home with two very important lessons.

1.) When you are approaching a signal-controlled intersection, and the light turns yellow . . . don't try to stop. Just roll on through. Cross traffic will wait for you. (I did stop, but in the middle of the intersection. All the streets were icy.)

2.) "Community" is one of the most important things there is. I am by myself and have one daughter who doesn't care at all about me, except to ask for money. When I retire, I can go anywhere I choose. Since our parents raised us kids to be independent, I've always believed that I can be on my own just find and that I don't need anybody to have a rewarding, fulfilling life. That is so wrong!

Part of this trip was to visit a friend who lives on a ranch a few miles outside a small community. Of course, being members of the same denomination, we went to church every time the doors were open. The other members are starting to get to know me better, (third trip, and I feel that I am starting to be accepted by some of the members. We went to the local diner for breakfast and watched the early-morning coffee club sit around the table discussing whatever was on their minds. The women had their table, the men theirs. Straight out of Americana culture and exactly what other posters have been talking about.

Because of the revelation of the importance of "community", I decided that I need to move to a smaller town of about two-three thousand or even less. Any more than that and it would be difficult to become integrated into the community and get to know people. So what if everybody knows each others business? Doesn't bother me if people know what I'm up to. It could actually serve to "don't do stupid stuff".

- - - - -

p.s. I lost my beloved dog last summer, or maybe it was the summer before that. I can't remember exactly because it was such an emotional event. To me, Pepe was a family member and I did not have the courage to put him down when that time came. I had to let him die naturally and I just hope he didn't suffer. It didn't seem like he did. He just got weaker and weaker. Yeah, I'm a coward in a situation like this. (Except for spiders, I'll walk around bugs instead of stepping on them.) When I eventually retire to a smaller town and the time comes to put a pet down, I'm going to need some help because I don't think I'd be able to do so myself.
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Old 01-17-2014, 05:48 PM
 
Location: West Michigan
12,083 posts, read 34,582,236 times
Reputation: 16866
Quote:
Originally Posted by volosong View Post
So what if everybody knows each others business? Doesn't bother me if people know what I'm up to. It could actually serve to "don't do stupid stuff".
Having grown up, and living in small towns (less than 3000) or out in the country for a full 75% of my life, I have to agree with this. I don't know how many times I used, or heard my friends use; "I can't do that, everybody would know and (insert Relative/Clergy/Teacher) would kill me." Even the other 20% of my life spent in towns/cities of under 10,000 I have heard that used as the reason to NOT go along with something you know is wrong or at least questionable.
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Old 01-17-2014, 05:53 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,509,377 times
Reputation: 7537
When you pass another car or person on the road you do the wave. If someone motions you through an intersection or lets you in the libe of traffic, you wave.

Sorry for your loss, Volto, it's never easy losing a child.
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Old 01-19-2014, 10:30 AM
 
1,168 posts, read 826,794 times
Reputation: 1418
My view of growing up in and living most of my life in small towns:
Small towns are not the best of places to move to unless you are a loner. For the most part you will never be accepted. They have their own clic's and groups and there just isn't room for you. The people who live in this towns believe that the town belongs to them. Not everyone else that comes. For example. The small town I live in had a fishing tournament last year for kids. About 100 kids showed up and paid their entrance fee. 1s second and third prizes were awarded to three different kids who had moved in in the last 2 years or so. Many of the parents booed and yelled at the people running the tournament because the "outsiders " won and got all the prizes. The fall out over this event is still going on today. This sort of thing happens all the time. Another example is a friend of mine retired and moved his machine shop to my town. He had warranty work he had to keep doing for some years so couldn't just close the shop. A local company came to him and got bids on doing some work that another local machine shop was doing. His prices were 1/3rd of the local shop but still the company went to the local shop and used his bids to reduce their price with the local machine shop. Suddenly he started getting traffic tickets every time he went into town and the assessor jumped his property taxes 200%. His wife lost her job at the local hospital and his kids were blackballed from the sports teams they played with. He was pretty much forced to move out of town. Just because the Local guy didn't like competition.
The Norman Rockwell version of small towns is pretty much dead. Small towns these days are run from greed and corruption and nepotism. They don't care about local businesses generating taxes to fund the towns. They get their money from state and Federal grants and could give a S__T about the people (unless they are their relatives who get all the contracts) or attracting new business.
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Old 01-19-2014, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Sunny South Florida
6,382 posts, read 3,200,777 times
Reputation: 7358
Quote:
I don't know how many times I used, or heard my friends use; "I can't do that, everybody would know and (insert Relative/Clergy/Teacher) would kill me."
This sort of "reverse peer pressure" does wonders to keep small-town residents (especially the adults) in line. Shame (or even the expectation of being ashamed) is a wonderfully reliable tool to make people do the right thing. My mom hurt her foot in the local grocery store about ten years ago, and the owner was helping her sit down and offering to call an ambulance, basically in total "CYA mode" in expectation of a lawsuit. Other than a hurting foot, my mom was okay, and snapped "[Full name of the store owner], I've known you since you were born! I'm not going to sue you, so just get me some ice for my foot and I'll be on my way." When recounting the story to me, she pointed out that if she got some high-priced lawyer to sue him for negligence, mental anguish and whatever else, she'd never be able to show her face in that grocery store again--and then where would she shop for food? (She did let him pay for her doctor visit/Xray, though)

Where I grew up, everybody knew everyone else's business, but it was not purely an effort to police other people's behavior. My dad once remarked that all the hot gossip was collected because there really wasn't anything else to talk about except each other.

Not sure if this was covered already, but one other unspoken rule of a small town is that if you do not particularly like one of your neighbors, you are obligated to refer to them by both their names, preceded by "that". "Oh, that Elliot Drake always tries to park in the handicapped space at the post office," or "I wouldn't expect that Linda Thompson to volunteer for anything." A corollary to this rule is that if you really dislike a particular married (or divorced) woman, you are obligated to refer to her with her maiden name, as if to emphasize how much you dislike her ("That Linda Mills ought to be told off!")
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Old 01-19-2014, 08:24 PM
 
Location: Columbus, Indiana
964 posts, read 1,971,649 times
Reputation: 1377
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
When you pass another car or person on the road you do the wave. If someone motions you through an intersection or lets you in the libe of traffic, you wave.
I think of this as "rural etiquette."
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Old 01-20-2014, 01:39 PM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,509,377 times
Reputation: 7537
Yes, is really is, isn't it!
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Old 01-20-2014, 07:22 PM
 
Location: Tucson, AZ
175 posts, read 274,175 times
Reputation: 396
Quote:
Originally Posted by Joe33 View Post
My view of growing up in and living most of my life in small towns:
Small towns are not the best of places to move to unless you are a loner. For the most part you will never be accepted. They have their own clic's and groups and there just isn't room for you. The people who live in this towns believe that the town belongs to them. Not everyone else that comes. For example. The small town I live in had a fishing tournament last year for kids. About 100 kids showed up and paid their entrance fee. 1s second and third prizes were awarded to three different kids who had moved in in the last 2 years or so. Many of the parents booed and yelled at the people running the tournament because the "outsiders " won and got all the prizes. The fall out over this event is still going on today. This sort of thing happens all the time. Another example is a friend of mine retired and moved his machine shop to my town. He had warranty work he had to keep doing for some years so couldn't just close the shop. A local company came to him and got bids on doing some work that another local machine shop was doing. His prices were 1/3rd of the local shop but still the company went to the local shop and used his bids to reduce their price with the local machine shop. Suddenly he started getting traffic tickets every time he went into town and the assessor jumped his property taxes 200%. His wife lost her job at the local hospital and his kids were blackballed from the sports teams they played with. He was pretty much forced to move out of town. Just because the Local guy didn't like competition.
The Norman Rockwell version of small towns is pretty much dead. Small towns these days are run from greed and corruption and nepotism. They don't care about local businesses generating taxes to fund the towns. They get their money from state and Federal grants and could give a S__T about the people (unless they are their relatives who get all the contracts) or attracting new business.

I have lived in several small towns. I agree with the clic thing. But if you are friendly, act like a local, find common ground, you will do fine. In the small towns I lived in no one would have booed kids. Have to say this that town sounds like it is loaded with a bunch of jackwagons.
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