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Old 09-16-2014, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Rolla, Phelps County, Ozarks, Missouri
1,069 posts, read 2,255,705 times
Reputation: 1259

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyMeAK View Post
Basically, a person thinking about moving to a small town, must ask him/herself: am I ready to sacrifice my personality? Because it's what will be demanded. Think of what you can (theoretically) get in return. ROI is very low in many cases.
I did not say you were required to do anything. I gave suggestions to someone who wanted to "fit in" quickly in a small town. Now, you need not change your personality at all. Move to a small Missouri town of 4,000-6,000 and do or say whatever you want. Write letters to the editor and go to town meetings and tell everyone how y'all done it back home in the city and why we need your new ideas here in our town. You'll eventually find some folks who will like you.

You don't have to do anything I suggested, but I have noticed that city people who move to small Missouri towns (and I've lived in five of them) and respect the community's history and become involved in community life are the ones who "fit in" quickly.

But, again, let me say that there is no requirement for that.

If you don't want to show your support for the next generation in the school you pay taxes to operate by going to a football game or a robotics contest or a band concert, you don't have to.

If you don't want to go to a Christmas parade or the county fair or a summer festival, you don't have to.

If you have no spiritual/religious feelings and don't want to go to church, you don't have to.

If you have no interest in going to a bluegrass jam session or a Southern gospel concert at a local church, you don't have to.

If you don't want to be neighborly, you don't have to.

If you don't want to join a civic club and help with community projects, you don't have to.

But if you don't want to participate in any aspect of small-town life, I have no idea why you would want to move to a small town.
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Old 09-16-2014, 09:02 PM
 
1,338 posts, read 991,073 times
Reputation: 2432
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTSilvertip View Post

If you want to live in a place where you can do your own thing, small towns are great especially if you don't want any interaction, because they don't care what you do so you can do whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn't impact the other residents.
You see, I remember a neighboring tread where a gal was running amok screaming on top of her lungs that these awful newcomers from across the street want to make their home looking well and mow the lawn and WE HERE used to live in trash and we love this so why the hell they bought a home in our neighborhood? I want them away ASAP!
Did these newcomers impact her? No, but she perceived they did. And she probably visited all the old neighbors to rise an upheaval against these newcomers making their life a hell just because they wanted a nice home. Is it a good, fair way to behave towards new people? IMO, it's not, but feels it's pretty common in rural areas.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MTSilvertip View Post
In a city, you don't have that freedom as there are laws and rules and regulations as well as a pervasive culture of looking over everybody else's shoulder to make sure they aren't doing something you don't like and if they are, you can always get some commissioner or whatever to make a law outlawing whatever behavior you don't like. (As long as it isn't some politically protected class thing anyway).
It's interesting how people define freedom. I lived in a big city for 25 years and felt free. I live in a small place for 9 years and I feel trapped and bound and under a 24/7 supervision. I can't go to a grocery store w/o smile plastered to my face even when I would rather cry. And I can't tell my neighbor to push his fence 2 feet back because it's how he built it 30 years ago, and if I do I will be perceived as a greedy litigator, even though this fence doesn't let me put my mailbox pole where I want it to be so I'm losing a parking spot. Bit of course relationships with neighbors are more important even when they are nonexistent (he rents his house out and doesn't live there). In a city, I would just point it to a property manager and forget it and have my 2 feet back w/o effort.
And, "a pervasive culture of looking over everybody else's shoulder to make sure they aren't doing something you don't like" doesn't belong to cities. There are too many folks and too many things to do in cities, there is no time to peer into your neighbor's yard. Rural folks are often bored, so gossip is an inherent part of rural life.

Rules in cities are simple, written down, and impersonal. Rules of the small places are established by local gangs (politely called old folks), these rules are changed as gangs please to change them, and they are highly personalized. There are always exceptions made for those who played in the same dirt with old folks 50 years ago, but no bonus point is given for newcomers.
As a newcomer, one must play by these rules which are incomprehensible, fluid, and, when asked directly, never properly stated because when people are forced to describe them, even they feel ashamed of themselves. So these rules are written it the air. Good luck in reading them.
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Old 09-18-2014, 11:37 AM
 
Location: Where the mountains touch the sky
5,181 posts, read 6,006,557 times
Reputation: 9003
Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyMeAK View Post
You see, I remember a neighboring tread where a gal was running amok screaming on top of her lungs that these awful newcomers from across the street want to make their home looking well and mow the lawn and WE HERE used to live in trash and we love this so why the hell they bought a home in our neighborhood? I want them away ASAP!
Did these newcomers impact her? No, but she perceived they did. And she probably visited all the old neighbors to rise an upheaval against these newcomers making their life a hell just because they wanted a nice home. Is it a good, fair way to behave towards new people? IMO, it's not, but feels it's pretty common in rural areas.



It's interesting how people define freedom. I lived in a big city for 25 years and felt free. I live in a small place for 9 years and I feel trapped and bound and under a 24/7 supervision. I can't go to a grocery store w/o smile plastered to my face even when I would rather cry. And I can't tell my neighbor to push his fence 2 feet back because it's how he built it 30 years ago, and if I do I will be perceived as a greedy litigator, even though this fence doesn't let me put my mailbox pole where I want it to be so I'm losing a parking spot. Bit of course relationships with neighbors are more important even when they are nonexistent (he rents his house out and doesn't live there). In a city, I would just point it to a property manager and forget it and have my 2 feet back w/o effort.
And, "a pervasive culture of looking over everybody else's shoulder to make sure they aren't doing something you don't like" doesn't belong to cities. There are too many folks and too many things to do in cities, there is no time to peer into your neighbor's yard. Rural folks are often bored, so gossip is an inherent part of rural life.

Rules in cities are simple, written down, and impersonal. Rules of the small places are established by local gangs (politely called old folks), these rules are changed as gangs please to change them, and they are highly personalized. There are always exceptions made for those who played in the same dirt with old folks 50 years ago, but no bonus point is given for newcomers.
As a newcomer, one must play by these rules which are incomprehensible, fluid, and, when asked directly, never properly stated because when people are forced to describe them, even they feel ashamed of themselves. So these rules are written it the air. Good luck in reading them.
We aren't going to agree, that much is evident, and because our individual perceptions are just that, individual, what you see as simple impersonal rules I see as the hive mind.

I like it when the person waiting on me in a store or cafe is smiling and personable, makes me feel better too, so if I'm grumpy when I go out, I can be in a better frame of mind when I get home. I never liked the conveyor belt production of moving people through a line at greatest efficency to remove the maximum amount of money from the maximum amount of people for the least expended effort I found in cities.

I didn't like being trapped inside an apartment all the time in cities, but of course, those "Rules in cities are simple, written down, and impersonal." forbid doing anything fun so if I wanted to go plinking with my rifle, it had to be disguised in a box or somebody would call the cops on me. If they saw I had a fishing pole, some animal rights wacko was always sure to be there to tell me how barbaric I was.
Having a vehicle in town while necessary, usually meant having a conversation with some activist about how I was destroying the planet.

One man's heaven is another man's hell.

As such, I think the best course of action is that I stay in small towns, you stay in cities.

Deal?
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Old 09-18-2014, 11:48 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,513,849 times
Reputation: 7542
Keep honking, I'm reloading.......
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Old 09-22-2014, 02:54 PM
 
1,338 posts, read 991,073 times
Reputation: 2432
Quote:
Originally Posted by MTSilvertip View Post
One man's heaven is another man's hell.

As such, I think the best course of action is that I stay in small towns, you stay in cities.

Deal?
Deal. If small towns were filled with people like you they would be way more tolerable, though. Bur since I live in a small place I will comment, from time to time. I'm entitled to it.
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Old 09-23-2014, 10:22 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,513,849 times
Reputation: 7542
Snow up there yet, BusyMe?
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Old 11-04-2014, 06:08 PM
 
1,338 posts, read 991,073 times
Reputation: 2432
Quote:
Originally Posted by CCc girl View Post
Snow up there yet, BusyMe?
You need some advice from me? You are always welcome to ask.
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Old 11-05-2014, 07:34 AM
 
672 posts, read 631,689 times
Reputation: 1979
Don't move somewhere, then try to change it to be like where you came from. Don't expect your new neighbors to enjoy your stories of how great it was "back home", then tell them that "There's a new sheriff in town".
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Old 11-05-2014, 09:56 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 8,513,849 times
Reputation: 7542
^^^Yup. This is your home now. Embrace it. Aside from telling folks where you are from, when ASKED; nobody cares about what life was like there. If you embrace your new place a lot of folks will give you the heads up on how to relate in your new small town.
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Old 11-07-2014, 08:22 PM
 
671 posts, read 687,474 times
Reputation: 1248
When asked to comment on someones doings,it best to say"everyone got they're ways" leave it at that.
Bitchin up the "what this town needs is a" very stupid thing to say..
Be polite, say thank you...Small talk is good,just don't go opinionating like your the next coming.
If you don't bring happiness with you your not going to find it anywhere you go..
People are somewhat more open about religion,,while it may be impolite to ask what congregation you belong to in a city that doesn't apply to small communities. I only mention that as an example of the differences...driving past a car that's pulled to the side may be aok and sane in a city but in small town doing that is pretty much a sin..
Treat people nice,be polite and they'll reciprocate in kind..They're as worried about how you'll be as your worried how they'll be...Everyone is looking for good neighbors..Actions alway speak louder than words......I've been everywhere and a smile with politeness go's a long way where ever one is.....
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