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Let's face it, it is a bit scary for us Boondock lovers to go into big cities that have a population of over 500.
However, sometimes it is necessary for us to do so. As scary as the thought is, it is possible to survive such a trip and return home with only minor injuries. some tips I found helpful, please add to the list as you please. But keep it serious we do not want to risk offending the City-Slickers that might accidentally read this all important thread.
1. Do not wash your windshield. The dirtier you leave it the less traffic you will see.
2. Be careful where you spit your chewing tobacco. them high rise building that are over 3 stories high, channel the wind like a funnel and a sudden breeze might blow the backy juice back into your face.
3. Be sure to stop at a gas station before getting to the city and use the bathroom. Most cities don't have any trees or bushes to duck behind
4. Some of the store signs can be tricky, they aren't always what you think. Them darn Hooter's restaurants do not have any owls in them. Stick to the big name restaurants you know. Like McDonalds or Burgar King. also most big Cities do not have any TSC so it is doubtful you will find any horse feed in any city stores. except for Wal-Marts most city stores aren't worth messing with.
5. Avoid crossing any streets. City folks won't let you cross where ever you want to.
6. Never ask a city person for directions, they don't know how to tell you how far something is. They have no idea what things like "Just a hop, skip and jump" or "A fair piece down the road" mean. they talk about Blocks which must be some City slang that I don't understand.
Make sure you have enough gas, but not too full; city gas tends to be cheaper.
Pack the cooler with Gatorade, water, and bubba's roadie (water bottle filled halfway with liquor); his back really starts hurting after two hours on the road.
Do not get turnovers for breakfast, they crumble and get all over your Sunday go to meeting clothes.
Do have plenty of napkins, Aleve and a lint brush in your rig. Don't want cat/dog/horse hair all over your clothes going in to see the Doc.
True story => took DH to Wally World last Xmas and went through the self checkout, it was like taking a kid onto a ferris wheel for the first time; he had no idea......
Your additions caused me to laugh. fortunately it is Ramadan and I wasn't drinking coffee like I would be doing.
Some more suggestion for when visiting the City:
Do not leave your keys in the pick-up when you park it. If you accidentally lock them in there, City lock smiths, don't know how to get in with a coat hanger and charge a fortune
If a robber puts a gun up to your head and tells you to hand over your money. Let him shoot, in the city you can get by without brains but not withoput money.
If you go into a fancy city restaurant, don't order the "Soup Du-Jour" I tried it and it's just plain old tomato soup.
If a robber puts a gun up to your head and tells you to hand over your money. Let him shoot, in the city you can get by without brains but not withoput money.
If you go into a fancy city restaurant, don't order the "Soup Du-Jour" I tried it and it's just plain old tomato soup.
Boy, If that ain't the truth!!
Careful of some of them oriental restaraunt places too. I Ordered a tuna fish for a sandwich, and they just brought me the bait! Didn't know I was supposed to go catch my supper and cook it myself!! They didn't even offer to loan me a fishin' pole!
Careful of some of them oriental restaraunt places too. I Ordered a tuna fish for a sandwich, and they just brought me the bait! Didn't know I was supposed to go catch my supper and cook it myself!! They didn't even offer to loan me a fishin' pole!
Know what you mean.
Ordered an egg roll and got what looked like stuffed cabbage but made with pie crust.
Speaking of Pies those big city Pizza pies, don't have a crust on top.
When I last went to the city, some things I found.
I pulled into the city and there was nobody around?!?!? I later found out that the city folk get to sleep in until 6:30AM. The day is half over with by then.
Nobody has a wood pile. Wonder how they stay warm in the winter?
I went to a restaurant for lunch. I couldn't believe the people. They're ordering breakfast food and it's nearly 10:00! I ate really good since these people ordered food but didn't eat it. They didn't object when I asked if they were going to eat it and if not, could I have it. They just stared into space while sipping their coffee like they were still asleep. A lot easier to get a full belly since I don't have Bubba and Jimbo sitting at the table with me and grabbing all the food like most meals at home.
Everyone uses cabs to get around. I don't get it. Where they get in to where they get out is about the same as the walk to our mailbox.
They only have one kind of bird in the city. Pigeons. Weird part is nobody is shooting them. Paw and Uncle Joe would have a great time here. Pull up their lawn chairs and a bucket of shotgun shells and spend the afternoon shooting.
When I last went to the city, some things I found.
I pulled into the city and there was nobody around?!?!? I later found out that the city folk get to sleep in until 6:30AM. The day is half over with by then.
Nobody has a wood pile. Wonder how they stay warm in the winter?
I went to a restaurant for lunch. I couldn't believe the people. They're ordering breakfast food and it's nearly 10:00! I ate really good since these people ordered food but didn't eat it. They didn't object when I asked if they were going to eat it and if not, could I have it. They just stared into space while sipping their coffee like they were still asleep. A lot easier to get a full belly since I don't have Bubba and Jimbo sitting at the table with me and grabbing all the food like most meals at home.
Everyone uses cabs to get around. I don't get it. Where they get in to where they get out is about the same as the walk to our mailbox.
They only have one kind of bird in the city. Pigeons. Weird part is nobody is shooting them. Paw and Uncle Joe would have a great time here. Pull up their lawn chairs and a bucket of shotgun shells and spend the afternoon shooting.
(2nd paragraph) I have traveled a lot since retiring and I wonder which city it is that there is no one around.
When planning a trip, if you hit any city between 5:30- 8 AM, the traffic is unbelievable !
Sounds like you pulled into a one horse town rather than a city.
The one horse town back near the farm where I stop for morning coffee at the " coffee table" in the front of hardware store doesn't even open until 8:30.
In the metropolis yesterday, one thing I can never figure out is why there are seagulls all over; the nearest body of water is miles away.....
The cityots were all up for the holiday weekend, the stores were packed. There was a monster display of diet Dew, on sale. I racked them up, two weeks ago they were out.
Gotta be careful when the city folk all come; the shopkeepers know it's shoplifting season.
Once in awhile I brave a trip to the big city (Dallas) from my podunk east Texas town. Boy howdy, them's some big buildings and some busy highways. I nearly got runned off the road a couple of times - even though I was going well below the speed limit out of courtesy, and even though my 14' ladder hanging out of the back of my truck was clearly tagged with a pair of my husband's long johns tied around the leg. I left a lot of it free to flap in the wind so everybody could see me comin'.
After I found a place to park in one of them prairies of a parking lot, I rolled down my winders and made sure that the younguns had plenty of Capri Suns (see, I'm more sophisticated than I let on) as well as some of them funeral parlor fans to keep themselves cooled off while I ran into that weird Great Outdoors place to buy some shotgun shells. I couldn't figure out why so many people were crowded around my truck when I came out. The PO-lice told me the only reason I didn't go to jail for leaving my kids in the car alone was because my kids are 20 and 22. They just look small becuz they've been working in the cotton fields since they were two years old and it sort of stunted their growth.
We got lost in some neighborhood called Oak Cliff (which is strange because I didn't see any oaks or cliffs there) and at first I thought everything was OK because I saw a familiar sight - lots of pit bulls roamin' about and whale, that felt like home to me - but then I found out that them thar dogs in Oak Cliff ain't nothin' like my bulldogs at home - they like to have took the rear out of my dungarees before I could make it back in the truck! My, my, life shore is cheap in the big city.
We went to this castle called the Galleria and it was the darndest thing - there was a frozen pond right slap dab in the middle of it! Whale, I never. Now honestly, if I were them people, I wouldn't let my kids get out in the middle of that ice - people in Texas arter know better - they arter know that even if the ice LOOKS solid, it ain't likely to be froze all the way out in the middle. That's a good way to lose a youngun. Maybe they don't care, I don't know. Them younguns looked a bit peaked to me anyway. Maybe they arter be outside playin in the sun after a day of workin in a cotton field to put some color in their pasty little faces, insteader jumpin around on that pond in the middle of a store. The whole thang was sorter strange to me.
So - I didn't let Earl and Pearl get out thar on that ice, and that's another way we survived the big city that day.
I guess we'll go back again, next time we feel like takin our lives in our hands.
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