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Old 04-05-2008, 07:26 PM
 
Location: northeast US
739 posts, read 2,175,916 times
Reputation: 446

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I'm a country boy but I've always found it easier to make a good circle of friends in the city. Cities are more open, have a larger pool of compatible people to choose from and I'm more likely to find someone who shares my hobbies and interests.

I find small town people are focused on relationships, by which I mean gossiping and back biting about each other in the most cruel ways possible. Urban people are more likely to share my interests in music and art, ideas, film and literature, or less common hobbies like bonsai.

You're anonymous in the city. People don't care where you're from, or who you're related to, as long as you're a good person, know things, and share things in common. In my small town, if you have a college degree, it doesn't mean you're educated. It means you're from somewhere else. And if you're from somewhere else they don't need to know you (or they would already).
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Old 04-06-2008, 12:38 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,232 posts, read 46,500,101 times
Reputation: 11081
Quote:
Originally Posted by Maxchus View Post
I sort of feel the same way. I don't care if I'm not accepted or liked by everybody. I don't exactly feel much of a desire to be part of any community as a whole anyway, necessarily. I'll concentrate on the individual. My experience has been that they are easier to find in a small(er) town.
In Arcadia, I'd never had so many people just waving "hi" and smiling, or offering me a ride, as I had ANYWHERE else.

That's a small town to me.
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Old 04-13-2008, 09:11 PM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,251 posts, read 8,617,216 times
Reputation: 6389
It's funny, people talk about the small towns not being friendly, heck most places aren't that friendly. I live in the suburbs, run of the mill track home, 40 houses withinn 200 yds of mine, I don't know any of them except my next door nsighbor, wave to some, some I don't...
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Old 12-03-2015, 10:48 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,879 times
Reputation: 30
Oh please you don't have to come from the big city to get this treatment, I moved from one small town to another and people kept referring to me as not having been born here. I was born six miles away! They could smell my mom's cooking if the wind was blowing right. No the OP is right. People in small town America are clannish and paranoid. Most in my area of PA are convinced they are related to the early settlers and feel immigrants have no right to be here. Still!?? It's been what, close to a hundred years already since the ships docked at Ellis Island? Thank God not everyone is like this but the ones who run everything here are. Keeping us stuck in the 1790's seems to be the main interest in Somerset County. Ugh! Snootiness is raised to an art form here. Some haven't left their little towns in 110 years and they are honored for it. Kind of horrifying.
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Old 12-04-2015, 07:36 AM
 
Location: 3.5 sq mile island ant nest next to Canada
3,036 posts, read 5,850,622 times
Reputation: 2170
Way to paint a group with one broad brush. I always read how Maine folk are stand-offish to new people and they wonder why that is. It's a pet peeve of mine. We have usually been in these small towns for most, if not all, of our lives. Those of us that moved away come home and settle back in and try to find work. Not an easy task here. We usually have two or three jobs just to get by and then do favors for friends and relatives. So, pretty much our time is taken up without much room for relaxing.

At times we are looked down upon by others who left the bright lights and big city with their “Golden Parachutes†to retire here. It's cheap, and a good bankroll goes a long way. These new folk merge into certain groups for the same reason everyone else does: to be around and converse with others like them. People with the same life experiences: galleries and theater, fine dining, and all that goes with it.

But then, without much contact with "locals", they prejudge.
They complain of being called "people from away" (PFA). Personally, I’ve never used that phrase to anyone. I have mostly heard folks who moved here use it. It has become akin to calling someone a racist. If you disagree with some people they will throw out “You’re against it because I’m from away!â€

Some people believe what they see on TV shows. Shows like “Murder She Wrote†and “Newhart†(where he opens a B&B in Vermont) add to the stigma that rural equals dumb equals poor. These people tend to see the locals as portrayed in those TV shows; less educated rubes. And it goes both ways. Some locals see "PFA's" as akin to "Green Acres": rich folks not so swift as to how things are done here, and in need of a good fleecing.

But this is where this society is headed: looking for something to be upset about, pigeon-holing different people, and general fault finding with no action on solution.

There. Rant complete. Thank you for or your indulgence.

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Old 12-04-2015, 07:10 PM
 
1,655 posts, read 1,889,122 times
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Until yesterday, the latest post on this thread was 7-1/2 YEARS ago.

What was the point of resurrection, when starting out with "oh please", as if it were this month's conversation.
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Old 04-07-2016, 01:07 PM
 
Location: Adamsville, TN
2 posts, read 4,666 times
Reputation: 25
I have lived in small town USA most of my life (I'm 27 now), and I am MISERABLE. I never really fit in at school growing up; I was top of my class, though. I attended college out of state, and I have had travel abroad experiences, where I fit in easily and felt so loved, and my talents were appreciated. I've also felt happier and more alive during my visits to larger cities in the US. Currently, I have been in a new small town (a couple of hours away from my hometown), for almost two years in order to take a teaching job. I still don't have any close friends, most of my weekends are plan-less even though I've put myself out there, I don't have any gym buddies like everyone else- even though I'm one of the most fit women there, and I often don't get sat with at church or invited out to lunch or dinner like others do. Very cliquish. I'm a fairly attractive, intelligent, bilingual, affectionate, artistic person.....but living in this cliquish town has made me actually feel suicidal; I'm so depressed and lonely. The only interaction I get, if any, is small talk...not deep conversation, invites, or hugs/kisses, and I just can't take it. Although I'm single and not tied down by needy children, and I'm talented, I'm never asked to do anything to help with at work or church functions. And when I have voiced these sentiments, all I've gotten is, "Oh, I'll pray for you," "You need to move to a city," or "You need to think of other people and be positive," instead of the simple things I NEED, like hugs, or "Why don't you come hang out with me/us?" And now, no one wants me because I'm so depressed and my soul is so broken that I can't be the bubbly, affectionate person I once was. I'm trying to find other jobs that aren't in small towns, yet aren't in the largest or most dangerous cities either (since my driving is not good due to a medical condition). I am also interested in overseas, but unfortunately I have to pick places that aren't as hot as the ones I used to like, due to my medical condition.
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Old 04-10-2016, 08:13 AM
 
3,926 posts, read 2,011,113 times
Reputation: 2762
Quote:
Originally Posted by politically_correct View Post
Yes, there are many people in small towns who are very friendly to outsiders but I suspect this is not common. I suspect that many people in small towns are isolated from the ways of the big city and feel threatened by people who are different than they are. Just a hunch and it is impossible to come up with what the true situation is in every town. But with boards such as this maybe others can tell their personal experiences.
I could say the same of our area, if they are friendly though, which is nice...they aren't really social. Funny, a couple of married couples I worked with...one I would ask her, "So what'd you all do this weekend?"

"Meh, not much, just worked on the yard, did laundry, on Sunday we did Netflix all day!"

Their lives are very uneventful. You could invite them to do activities and such, but most things they do outside the house are home related...like going to the Home Depot, grocery shopping, etc.

Even in my church, people aren't that social, they just go to church and leave.

The local community college, the same way...I would be like "Hey, after class, how about we all grab a bite at the so and so restaurant!"

Them, "Nah, I got to get home to the wife/hubby." "I got laundry to do."

Yeah, I live in an area where people are most dull. lol

Around Thanksgiving, after a college class, I said, 'Hey, there's a Corn Maze in so and so, how about some of us do that?"

They looked at me like I had 2 heads or they would just make a face and go, "Nah." That's how it is in these fish bowl communities. They almost become like lemmings.
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Old 04-10-2016, 08:19 AM
 
3,926 posts, read 2,011,113 times
Reputation: 2762
I also recall a male friend of mine, me and him were bachelors...used to go to the big city on occasion to mingle with others. One time he brought a couple of ladies with him...his ex-wife and her female friend. Two biggest snobs I ever met by the way.

They were just bored apparently as they admittedly had no interest in "meeting new people."

Why?

Because when he showed up with them at the event. Some wine tasting social group, they the two female friends stayed glued each other the entire time...gabbing.

I approached them, as I knew their friend that brought them, "Hey, mingle around yet? Get to know anyone?"

"Nah, we're not here to meet anyone or make new friends"

I was rather land blasted by this response. I think he wanted me to introduce me to his "single" friends though...but their interests only lie in their sisterhood.

Later my friend disappeared like the wind, all 3 left early...and later, I asked, "Dude, where'd you go?" He said, "They were bored and wanted to go dancing"

And I said, "You didn't think to invite me along? Kind of a crappy wingman aren't yah?"

He "lol's" and goes, "Sorry, I DID ask them if you could come along, and they said no...didn't want me to get the wrong idea."

Yep, townie snobs.
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Old 05-09-2016, 05:59 PM
 
Location: Ohio
1,217 posts, read 2,819,408 times
Reputation: 2253
It's easier to make new friends in cities with high transition, Florida for example always has people moving in and out, Houston and NYC also high turnover. Small towns are not as flexible generally, they already know all the people they need to know :-).

I've moved a fair amount (not as much as a previous poster). The worst experience I had was in a small town I was born in and had many relatives, although my parents moved when I was in first grade i came back after college. My husband and I went to a YMCA dinner and 8 to a table, no one spoke to us the entire dinner, just to each other. Absolutely weird and never repeated by us.

But exclusion happened to us in Florida too in an HOA (homeowners association). They sponsored Tuesday night dinners in the on-site restaurant. It was like high school with seats saved and we got to eat at a 2-seat table by ourselves. Also never repeated.

Some people are weird and like to forms cliques just to keep others out.
We live in small town now and join the groups that fit our political views, hobbies and other interests.We smile and wave at our neighbors who have common courtesy and smile back.

I don't think it's big town vs. small town. I think it's crappy people vs. polite people, small minded people vs. open-minded people. If I see a stranger at a social function I'll talk to them to see if they are interesting, male or female, young or old. I learn new things. I think many people would be pleasantly surprised at who some of the strangers are, they are just too lazy to make an effort.
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