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Right... and you made the choice a normal person makes in a cafe. Among people who are already out in public in a fairly social situation!
This would exactly be my fear if someone shows up with a pie. They want/hope to be invited in for coffee and a slice of it! That's the "normal" thing to do, under the circumstances! What else can we do? Either stand there holding a pie in the doorway, or cut the conversation short and close the door.... or invite you to follow me in to the kitchen so I can set it down.
But that's not how I roll... I may not be dressed for company, my house might not be 'company' clean... I may have work I need to be doing. It puts people on the spot.
You seem to want to dismiss all reservations as distrust or hostility, and they aren't, necessarily. Distrust is only one possible reason for not wanting to invite people in for pie.
The good news is, I rarely need to worry about this. We have a gate at the driveway, so unannounced people end up out there, not at the door. I can easily small-talk and be friendly out there, leaning on the gate, enjoying the scenery, without having to even feel close to inviting anyone in unless I want to.... - and guess what?! Sometimes I do!
Different strokes.
I keep a coffee pot going in my shop. Couple old chairs too. My neighbors are welcome to stop in and have a cup while I work if they want and I'm on a project. Way I've always lived.
Just haven't bought too much coffee in town.
I'm glad to be moving where I am, and the people are a big part of the reason.
Honestly, at my new place if someone comes up to the house, most likely they'll get invited in for coffee and a piece of pie, newcomer or resident.
It's just the way I roll, I really understand distrust after living in town so long, but it's not the kind of life I want so it's up to me to be open to my new community so they have the chance to welcome me in.
I don't invite strangers in for coffee and pie, and it has nothing to do with being a "city person" who doesn't know country ways.
I don't know any women who live alone, whether it's in the city or the country, who are comfortable inviting strangers who show up on their doorstep in for coffee and pie.
I don't invite strangers in for coffee and pie, and it has nothing to do with being a "city person" who doesn't know country ways.
I don't know any women who live alone, whether it's in the city or the country, who are comfortable inviting strangers who show up on their doorstep in for coffee and pie.
Do you?
Not a single woman, so I can't give you an answer from that perspective.
I'm an ugly old blacksmith who spent some quality time in a couple of the popular war zones.
Security is a valid concern in the situation you described. No question. Doesn't change how I interact with my neighbors though.
I keep a coffee pot going in my shop. Couple old chairs too. My neighbors are welcome to stop in and have a cup while I work if they want and I'm on a project. Way I've always lived.
Just haven't bought too much coffee in town.
I'm glad to be moving where I am, and the people are a big part of the reason.
Enjoy your privacy.
High horse much?
You think being nice and welcoming to you means everyone needs to live like you or they're unfriendly.
There are a lot of people, good people, who aren't like that. If I lived near you, I'd KNOW you are the kind of person who wouldn't mind if I just stopped by. I'd also be sensitive enough to know that Metlakatla isn't. Both of you might be great friends. The art of being nice is recognizing the difference and treating each of you how you want to be treated. Not imposing my beliefs on either of you.
Last edited by Diana Holbrook; 03-19-2019 at 12:42 PM..
Reason: better clarity
Not a single woman, so I can't give you an answer from that perspective.
I'm an ugly old blacksmith who spent some quality time in a couple of the popular war zones.
Security is a valid concern in the situation you described. No question. Doesn't change how I interact with my neighbors though.
Doesn't change how I interact with mine either, but the subject was strangers showing up.
Again I say, you can tell the people that are from the city moving to the country and will never fit in. They call it being private, etc. But they are not really part of a tight knit community and never will be.
Country people are open and friendly with each other. If you need some help they are there to help you.
City people are suspicious of other people, and they keep up a wall between them selves and other as a protective mechanism. This is very apparent in the majority of posts on this thread. No matter how long they live in the country, they will never fit into the community. They will never know the joy of a friendly country community, as they will never let their guard down and fit in.
The country people know who you are, and they will not invite you into the community, as you do not fit into their lifestyle, which is be friends and work together to help each other.
Country people are different. Some will have a PHD from a major university, but you will never know it, as most of the people in town do not know it. Some will have multiple millions of dollars, and some will be poor, but they all take care of one another and no one thinks they are better than other people. They are all locals and proud of it.
When they try to invite you into their close community, a number of posters tell how they would reject those offers, as they are private people. The community will never accept you into their lives.
As I have read these posts, and it makes me sad, that you move to the country made up of friends, and are not ready to accept the country life style and never will be part of. Stay in or go back to the city, where you are comfortable, afraid of people who are afraid of you.
Just curious, old trader — how many times have you moved to a new area and went around the neighborhood knocking on doors and handing out pies? Because that's what this conversation has been about.
I think some people idealize rural living. It's not all Mayberry.
Again I say, you can tell the people that are from the city moving to the country and will never fit in. They call it being private, etc. But they are not really part of a tight knit community and never will be.
Country people are open and friendly with each other. If you need some help they are there to help you.
City people are suspicious of other people, and they keep up a wall between them selves and other as a protective mechanism. This is very apparent in the majority of posts on this thread. No matter how long they live in the country, they will never fit into the community. They will never know the joy of a friendly country community, as they will never let their guard down and fit in.
The country people know who you are, and they will not invite you into the community, as you do not fit into their lifestyle, which is be friends and work together to help each other.
Country people are different. Some will have a PHD from a major university, but you will never know it, as most of the people in town do not know it. Some will have multiple millions of dollars, and some will be poor, but they all take care of one another and no one thinks they are better than other people. They are all locals and proud of it.
When they try to invite you into their close community, a number of posters tell how they would reject those offers, as they are private people. The community will never accept you into their lives.
As I have read these posts, and it makes me sad, that you move to the country made up of friends, and are not ready to accept the country life style and never will be part of. Stay in or go back to the city, where you are comfortable, afraid of people who are afraid of you.
Longtime rural dwellers feud a-plenty. Lots of examples of it, and even newcomers hear about it. Nothing special about either friendliness or suspiciousness that makes either one limited to one or the other, in any setting whether rural, urban, or anything in between.
Last edited by pikabike; 03-19-2019 at 03:55 PM..
Reason: ong jo
Oldtrader. I have never lived in the city. And I'm quite at home in my rural community. And very little of this thread has actually been about suspicion! Or lack of friends. Not one person has actually reported lack of friends here or negative interaction with "country people" that I can recall. I don't recall anyone saying they feel unwelcome or that we don't belong where we are.
Unfortunately you seem bound and determined to misread and misunderstand much of what has been written.
That's too bad. Because you're being all sad for no reason.
We just tried to advise a new guy on how to go introducing himself on his new road. And apparently, it came apart somewhere about pies.
Last edited by Diana Holbrook; 03-19-2019 at 04:21 PM..
I did not mean to imply you would be uncivil. Some of the other posters’ comments made me wonder, though. Sometimes hard to tell what is just speaking straight from the mind or what they would actually do. .
If I'm one of the other posters whose comments made you wonder, sure, I can and have been uncivil under certain circumstances. I've never had someone who just moved in knock on the door with a pie because that's just not done here, but someone knocked on the door with shrimp once. They said they were looking for someone who used to live there, and then they asked if they could come in and cook their shrimp. There was something really off about them, and I suspect they may have been on drugs. I said no and shut the door.
If a stray pie-bearer showed up and didn't activate my weirdo radar, my reaction would be similar to Diane's.
Last edited by Metlakatla; 03-19-2019 at 04:22 PM..
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Among people who are already out in public in a fairly social situation! 
