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We moved to a new place 6 month ago. We are young couple(20s) with no kids, while all our neighbours are at least in their 40s. Plus, we are immigrants from other country, which makes us feel like outside intruder in this place(90% white here). Most people are friendly here, but still I don't feel I am part of the community.
Plus, we are immigrants from other country, which makes us feel like outside intruder in this place(90% white here).
The best thing is to have confidence in yourselves. People like confidence and it really helps in meeting new people and being part of the community.
Harboring feelings of being a victim because you look different will have disasterous long term results for you and your neighbors. Please don't fall in to that type of thinking. It makes one bitter and distant.
You seem like a very concerened person and want to make friends and that is a good thing and I wish you the best of luck!
Try to strike up conversations when you are out at the market, library, etc. Consider joining some civic groups, that is a great way to meet people. If your town has a book store, see if there are any book clubs, etc. Look for friendships at work. Is there a walking group in that area? Check out the local outdoor recreation. Try to get out as much as you can. Our Chamber of Commerce had tons of info when I asked about walking groups, etc. They seem to know everyone, lol.
It was really hard for me to meet people when we moved here 10 years ago. It took quite a awhile to make good friends. It is not easy to find people with similar interests that you click with. We were 22, no kids, etc. Once the kids arrived, then alot of social opportunities like Mothers Club, pre-school, etc started happening. Put yourself out there, it is hard, but it will pay off.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
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First you have know the differences between Friends and Aquintances, Most of the folks you work with are just aquintances, all you have in common is your work. Friends are people you enjoy being around when your not getting paid. Most of my Friends have come from my hobbies like fishing, racing and horses... There are alot of people that I work with that have gone fishing with me and just talked about work, (never invited back) I always figured if all we could talk about was work, that's fine, let's just do it there.....
well its different for me i was born here. i am single and live alone. my best shot is to take cruises complain of property management issues and chest pains. works great.
I note that this is in the rural and small town forum. Do you have critters? If so, buy their feed at the feed store and hang around a bit - you'll find out all about what's going on in town and make friends, too. Ask for advice on something you're not sure about in your new town - I've found small town and rural folk (in Texas, anyway) are quite happy to help and you make friends that way. If the school or the local VFW or the local volunteer fire department holds a fundraiser BBQ or fish fry or street dance, attend! It'll feel uncomfortable for a while, but you'll eventually fit in.
And as I learned when we moved to the ranch, if you want to meet your neighbors, get a bull! He'll eventually go walkabout and you'll meet all the neighbors as you knock on their doors looking for them. They'll understand, and they'll know you by your critters.
We moved to a new place 6 month ago. We are young couple(20s) with no kids, while all our neighbours are at least in their 40s. Plus, we are immigrants from other country, which makes us feel like outside intruder in this place(90% white here). Most people are friendly here, but still I don't feel I am part of the community.
Wellllll... my take is a wee bit different. We don't know the town nor do we know the racial dynamics but I get from the above that there are racial dynamics in the mix. None of this is a deal breaker but it must be said, it simply won't work to try and use the typical ways and means that work for everyone else. I don't think I am giving out bad advice to suggest a passive approach. Something like hanging out at the feed store, but it can be done wherever you two feel comfortable (and interested) hanging. Church? A gym? Avoid bars and bowling alleys until you know for sure that the locals will not consider this an affront. We've been in our new city for just over six months and we are only now beginning to make friends. I am 50 in couple months and my GF is within spitting distance of that. One of the couples we have got to know are also in their 40's. Another couple are probably a wee bit older than we are. Because my partner and I enjoy each others company and we knew it might take a long time for a social network to get going we didn't think it strange that after months here we still didn't know anyone or had had anyone over for dinner. In fact, I will go as far as saying it helps to have the mindset that even if you never make a new friend, the town you have moved to is such a great place and has such great opportunities that it is worth being "just us two". If you don't feel, or can't feel that way... it might be harsh to say it but maybe putting yourselves in this situation isn't a good idea. But let's be positive. As 20 somethings you have a different outlook than everyone around you. They are probably thinking that they'll get around to checking the two of you out after you settle in a bit. They might not have needed to do this if you guys were born and raised there but you aren't. It's cool. As you say, they are friendly enough. Its a start. Good luck.
LOL we just moved to a VERY small town - less than 200 people - from "back east" as well as "down South". We are a complete anomaly, and enjoy it greatly.
1) We immediately started fixing up the place, repainting, repairing, and planting flowers. We would wave everytime someone went by. This made them more curious.
2)Since there is only one restaurant/bar in town, we went down there at least once a week to eat supper. (We are a couple, no kids).
3) We went to every fundraiser for every organization, and went to the local HS football game. (Make sure you know what team to cheer for!)
4) We were not shy about answering what someone might think were "nosy" questions. The Big Three - Why did you move here? Do you have family here? How did you find us? We'd always smile and tell folks how great we thought the area was, no, we didn't know a soul here, how we picked it out of six other places, and that we found them on the Internet! LOL
5) I got a job working for the local HS, and immediately offered my help to the Drama Club (makeup and costumes) and got everyone else involved, too. Didn't try to take over, but would say, "What if you did it this way?"I was always open and friendly and most of all, HONEST. Hi, I'm sorry, I don't remember your name, but how can I help?
6) People really wanted to see what we were doing with the inside of the house, so we would invite them in and show them, offer cookies and coffee. You'd be surprised what one or two people can do for your reputation - even the "town gossips" can love you if you treat them right the first time. And the people who are too polite to ask you will ask THEM.
7) Don't be put off by the people who treat you differently. Treat them all the same. People fear what they don't understand or have no conception of.
Henlein had a good description of it - "If the locals rub blue mud in their belly button, you do the same." If it won't hurt you, make you sick, or doesn't go against your core beliefs, why not do it?
We've been here seven months, and they don't even ask us to talk to hear our funny accents any more...
When I first moved into my house about a year and a half ago I was preoccupied with my yard and I basically met most of the neighborhood as I was in the front yard ripping out crab grass. One jogger stopped and invited me to join a book club which turned out to be a big breakthrough.
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