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Old 07-05-2009, 07:51 PM
 
1,297 posts, read 3,157,444 times
Reputation: 1506

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I agree.

I just think its disturbing for parents to always think they can jump in and make things right. In their own unique way, the two boys settled up. Even if the boy beaten up was bullied...at 17 he should have learned by now that life is not fair. When you pick on the town bully, you better go hard and all the way, or you are going under.

He got a broken jaw...he'll live...big deal. He learned the hard way he was in a place he should not have been at, most likely ran his mouth more then he should have, and let his guard down. He'll never do that again. Having his parents stick up for him won't change anything.

When the lawyers get involved, only the lawyers win.
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Old 07-05-2009, 11:18 PM
 
Location: New Mexico to Texas
4,552 posts, read 13,576,151 times
Reputation: 2127
Quote:
Originally Posted by harry chickpea View Post
You can educate your son.

Honestly, if I got into a fight over a girl and got my jaw broken at that age, the LEAST of my worries would be the broken jaw. My father would have had a cow.

"Your son can't remember???" Gee, I wonder why.... Getting into a fight like that is just plain stupid. The fact that his arms were pinned and he got the cr-p beat out of him tells me that more than one person thought he was a jerk. He therefore either WAS a jerk and got his come-uppance, or he was an idiot for hanging with the wrong crowd. Not every kid lives a pure life. Adults are supposed to try to guide them out of such pursuits.

The problem is how he relates to the world, and your trying to make the guy who beat him up "pay" is even MORE idiotic. I mean, that course of action is SERIOUSLY nuts, uneducated, and not even worthy of Jerry Springer's show. You need to act like a PARENT not an avenging angel. Find a competent martial arts academy where the teacher will teach the concepts of when to defend yourself and how to have self-control. From your post, it appears that this isn't something you are in a position to teach.


I dont think you understand this very well, you must have hid in a shell your whole life. Do you remember what it was like to be a kid? Did you ever make a bad choice?

my parents always taught me if someone messes with me to take a bat to em and beat the crap out of em, If I didnt hit em back then I get hit when I get home and there were a few kids who learned their lessons.

anyways the kid was defending himself and someone ganged up on him obviously by holding him down which is wrong, you should understand this.
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Old 07-06-2009, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Norwood, MN
1,828 posts, read 3,389,947 times
Reputation: 881
Quote:
Originally Posted by nevergoingback View Post
Thanks for making the US a crappier place to live.

oh, but I bet your 1.5 mil was truly justified.
Who knows for sure, the settlement may have been justified. She has never said what the suit was about.
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Old 07-06-2009, 07:03 AM
 
9,807 posts, read 13,679,656 times
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It wasn't about if Driller1's lawsuit was justified or not.

It was the arrogant way Driller1 bragged about it.
( I guess the --arrogant bragging-- is nothing new )
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Old 07-06-2009, 10:29 AM
 
24,841 posts, read 32,876,688 times
Reputation: 11471
Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
It wasn't about if Driller1's lawsuit was justified or not.

It was the arrogant way Driller1 bragged about it.
( I guess the --arrogant bragging-- is nothing new )
You need to get over your jealously. It is telling.

I am not going into the whole thing but, this is basics. A nationally known soft drink company truck, being driven by a drunk driver. Not disclosing the details was part of the settlement.
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Old 07-06-2009, 10:46 AM
 
9,807 posts, read 13,679,656 times
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No jealousy here, Driller1.

We have a few arrogant braggards where I live also.

Most people refer to them as --" all hat,no cattle "
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:19 AM
 
24,841 posts, read 32,876,688 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
No jealousy here, Driller1.

We have a few arrogant braggards where I live also.

Most people refer to them as --" all hat,no cattle "
Yawn.........
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Old 07-06-2009, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
18,531 posts, read 55,444,914 times
Reputation: 32228
Quote:
Originally Posted by desert sun View Post
I dont think you understand this very well, you must have hid in a shell your whole life. Do you remember what it was like to be a kid? Did you ever make a bad choice?

my parents always taught me if someone messes with me to take a bat to em and beat the crap out of em, If I didnt hit em back then I get hit when I get home and there were a few kids who learned their lessons.

anyways the kid was defending himself and someone ganged up on him obviously by holding him down which is wrong, you should understand this.
We likely grew up in a different era and location. Did I make mistakes as a kid? Of course. Did I get into physical fights over a girl, much less get my jaw broke? No, and neither did my friends, or for that matter did 99% of the kids in the school.

You aren't looking at the greater picture, but are instead projecting your own experience. SomeBODY doesn't "gang up." A GROUP gangs up. Is that right or wrong? - that depends. If you saw a teen slapping down a fifth grader, you might be part of a group that "ganged up" against him. Other times ganging up can just be a dumb expression of temporary dominance.

We don't know that the kid was "defending himself" or was the instigator of the fight. We do know the police know about the other boy being violent, and we can possibly assume the kid knew that too. In my mind, that makes the kid have the brains of someone who goes into a gunfight with a pocketknife. But that is all conjecture.

However, we do know for a fact that the situation turned out badly for the kid. Therefore - the resolution is not a gang war straight out of Romeo and Juliet, but a wising up of the kid and the parent. Martial arts training can do that. It isn't avoiding the problem, or chickening out, it is increasing the skills needed to deal with such situations in a clear manner.

In situations like this, ask "What is the best possible outcome?" and then "What is the best likely outcome?" and then "How do I get that?" If the kid goes up against the same group again without better skills, the same thing will happen. If the parent attempts to extract revenge, the situation will escalate. Those aren't the best possible outcomes.

I don't like to tell this story, because it was a somewhat unique situation, and doesn't serve some of my schoolmates well. However, I think it is important here as an example.

When I was much much younger, I got into and lost a schoolyard fight in grade school. I dusted myself off and told my parents. They didn't get involved, but after talking together for a while suggested that I write off to my brother in the army for a couple of moves that I could use to defend myself. He wrote back and I memorized those moves.

When the next kid picked a fight with me, it was pretty obvious that he had been put up to it by his "friends," who now considered me an easy target. A bunch of them were standing around to see what would happen, so I said very clearly - "I don't want to fight with you." and tried to avoid the fight.

When he came on anyway, I used the moves I had learned, and had him on the ground within seconds. I told him again - "I don't want to fight with you." and held him down until he stopped trying to fight back, then got off him looked around at his friends and walked away. I was never bothered again after that.

I don't take any pride in that. It was a dumb fight, it wasn't needed, and I'd just as soon none of it ever happened. What it did teach me is that learning the proper skills allowed me to get through it much faster than I would have otherwise, and it taught me that I would NEVER want to fight my older brother.

One of the things I had going for me back then is that there was an unwritten code of conduct for schoolyard fights. They were to determine pecking order, and retribution and retaliation weren't big issues. I don't delude myself that in a somewhat similar situation today I'd have others coming at me. Hence, the suggestion of a martial arts training course.
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Old 07-11-2009, 10:38 AM
 
2 posts, read 3,832 times
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I am the mom from the original post, and yes my son should not have even been at the party. We do not condone drinking or fighting. What angered me so much was that this was not a schoolyard fight, this was a beating. The 24 year old that brought vodka to the party egged the 18 year old to teach my son a lesson over messing with his "woman". My son was held down and not allowed to defend himself. Not much of a fight. The resolution to this has been the oral surgeon called the local states attorney and they are filing aggravated battery charges against the boy who did it. Since my original post I have spoken to many kids who were at the party and my son did not swing first or run his mouth, he just used poor judgment drinking at the age of 17. He is grounded for the duration of his mouth healing 6-8 weeks. We as parents are having to deal with the fact that we were unaware that he was going to parties and adjust our rules accordingly. It still disappoints me to have moved to a small community to get away from violence that it still found us at our own back yard. This has been a hard learning experience for all of us.
Just one more thing, I really have mixed feelings about the fact that the "punk" is going to serve time. I guess maybe I wanted someone to care about what happened to my son more than I wanted him to pay.
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Old 07-11-2009, 11:40 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
18,531 posts, read 55,444,914 times
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"Just one more thing, I really have mixed feelings about the fact that the "punk" is going to serve time. I guess maybe I wanted someone to care about what happened to my son more than I wanted him to pay."

Pretty normal feelings for a mom. From the tone of the first post, and the wanting to make the punk "pay," I thought you were the dad. You raise some interesting new info. That 24 YO is legally culpable for his actions in bringing vodka and allowing minors to drink, as is the owner of the property. There is a BIG difference from an 18 YO punk and a 17 YO fighting, to a 24 YO bringing liquor and egging on the situation.

I would bring this up to the state's attorney, and I would also file civil suit against the 24 YO for the medical bills. I still think a martial arts program is in your son's best interest. Kids of this age break with their parents and have to live off their own wits. A course in such training would help him immensely.

You all learned a hard lesson. Sounds like you are actually learning from it now, rather than wasting time on revenge. Thats a plus in my book.
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