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Old 12-08-2009, 11:40 PM
 
Location: Moku Nui, Hawaii
9,965 posts, read 19,289,893 times
Reputation: 9035

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Ayup, one of my neighbors was telling me one of the other neighbors "isn't from here, ya know". I went "oh, really? Where is she from?" They named the next village about three miles away. I did manage not to roll my eyes.

Had she been well liked, I don't think they would have decided she wasn't from "around here". Another neighbor grew up in this village, but he's not well liked so everyone says he's from the next big village in the other direction. The folks over there don't like him either, so they say he's from over here. He actually lives in sort of a nameless place half way between, but neither place will claim him.
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Old 12-09-2009, 01:06 PM
 
4,925 posts, read 9,901,561 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
I know what you mean.

I moved 9 miles from one farm to the next and got " accepted".
Twice I was elected to the local school board and served on the board of our local co-op creamery.

However, there are still people who refer to me as --" that new guy who bought Joe L's farm"

Yup, I did buy---Joe L's farm---March of 1978
It won't be called your farm until you either move or die--that's the way it works around here.

We moved several years ago to another area of the county from the area of the county that my wife's family is from. It was a distance of roughly 12 miles. More than one of her relatives have asked her why and what in the world we were doing. "You know none of our people are from over there!" We just answer any more "We just thought it was time they had the pleasure of knowing our families!"

It is funny that a move of that far is considered moving away...
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Old 12-09-2009, 04:00 PM
 
88 posts, read 232,707 times
Reputation: 89
I'm talking about feeling welcomed and part of the community. I could live in another area for 20years and if someone asked me where I'm from, I'll always start out saying where I was born and raised. I don't take offense to it, at all. I'm very proud of where I'm from.

Then there are people that walk around with a chip on their shoulder when people ask what they are. Saying, "I'm American" doesn't really say much does it? I know to say German/Irish even know my roots haven't set foot on those soils in centuries. Being American is kind of a given, don't you think?

Same with living in an area for 20 years. I think everyone knows you've live there, and have been living there for quite some time. Let not be stupid about it. Same around here, we know that, I know that. There's a guy here who everyone calls "Okie" because he came from Oklahoma. When did he come here? I don't know, maybe the 50's? Probably one of the most liked and trusted men around here. Hard to picture the area without him.
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Old 12-13-2009, 07:09 PM
 
4,805 posts, read 20,527,672 times
Reputation: 4990
It's the 'that's just the way it is' comments that drive me crazy. Nothing is the way it is unless you let it be. Saying that is just a way of saying, "I know its wrong but I'm too spineless to stand up for what is right" without admitting you are part of the problem.
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Old 12-13-2009, 07:32 PM
 
1,182 posts, read 2,569,828 times
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It works both ways. My grandmother was born in a little bitty town in Mississippi. She got married and spent the next sixty-plus years living with my PawPa in Tennessee. I remember her coming to visit us while we were living in Hawaii. One of the neighbors asked her where she was from....she said, "Ecrew, Mississippi"! Even after more than sixty years, she still didn't consider herself from Tennessee.
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Old 12-14-2009, 11:22 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,132 posts, read 43,052,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kodaka View Post
It's the 'that's just the way it is' comments that drive me crazy. Nothing is the way it is unless you let it be. Saying that is just a way of saying, "I know its wrong but I'm too spineless to stand up for what is right" without admitting you are part of the problem.
Thing is, you can take a stand on whatever you want. If people are hell-bent on holding you at arms' length and not accepting you, you can't make them, and nobody else standing in solidarity with you can make them, either. "The way it is" will CONTINUE to be "just the way it is" as long as the people who WANT it that way continue to make it that way. And insularity is typically very, very prized by those who propegate it. It's "just the way it is" for a reason...enough people want it that way that it IS that way. Making small, tight-knit, established communities "see the light" is generally a losing battle.
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Old 12-14-2009, 11:26 PM
 
Location: southern california
56,597 posts, read 75,678,865 times
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i dont fit in anywhere. i am always a foreigner. lucky for me i have friends that are the same.
our main feature is we are able to adapt, even well --with much success, as a foreigner always.
you dont have to fit in to fit .
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Old 12-15-2009, 04:30 AM
 
1,297 posts, read 3,157,766 times
Reputation: 1506
Well said really.


Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Thing is, you can take a stand on whatever you want. If people are hell-bent on holding you at arms' length and not accepting you, you can't make them, and nobody else standing in solidarity with you can make them, either. "The way it is" will CONTINUE to be "just the way it is" as long as the people who WANT it that way continue to make it that way. And insularity is typically very, very prized by those who propegate it. It's "just the way it is" for a reason...enough people want it that way that it IS that way. Making small, tight-knit, established communities "see the light" is generally a losing battle.
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Old 12-15-2009, 04:57 AM
 
Location: Prescott Valley, Az (unfortunately still here)
2,550 posts, read 4,055,509 times
Reputation: 1521
You must be talking about me, because I've lived in Prescott Valley, Arizona now for 5 years and I still don't fit in either.

It's not my kind of town (very boring, nothing but bars and restuarants to do anything, and when there is something to do it's only like for 1 time a year thing). Most of the people look bad. Most don't take showers, wash their clothes, or are just lazy in some way or another (I'm most definitely am not like that). When I came to town, from Phoenix, I was wearing a short skirt (up to my knees, thanks) and they began talking about me when I went out that first weekend. The talks have never stopped about me and such. Cause I was single at the time and was going out on weekends (shoot! most of them were everyday "barflys". At least I didn't go every damn day!!).

I don't know what it is, but if you're single, wear skirts, wear makeup, and high heels they automatically assume you are a street walker. When most of the women in this town are the sluts, because most of them had children by many different men!! HA!!!

So, that's why I keep to myself more often these days and don't correlate with these people much. I work from home now and won't get a "real" job til I move first. Just how I feel.

So, I definitely don't fit in and will be moving in another year.

If someone says they don't fit it, then there is a good reason why. You just have to ask, instead of making your own conclusions.
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Old 12-15-2009, 11:59 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,778 posts, read 6,687,318 times
Reputation: 8303
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
i dont fit in anywhere. i am always a foreigner. lucky for me i have friends that are the same.
our main feature is we are able to adapt, even well --with much success, as a foreigner always.
you dont have to fit in to fit .
That's what I was thinking when I read the OP. I like being an outsider. "Fitting in" sounds to me like one is suppressing one's own personality for the personality of the mob.

I also think that some people seem a little desperate in their quest to 'fit in' and desperate people evoke pity, more often than not.

However, there is a difference in not fitting in and being deliberately offensive to the people you live amongst.
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