U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Rural and Small Town Living
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-06-2009, 05:28 PM
 
88 posts, read 232,721 times
Reputation: 89

Advertisements

What's with this? I always half considered it a yuppy indicater.

I like to read through the various state forums and there are always posts by people who move to an area, especially rural areas, lived there for years, and say they still don't feel welcomed.

I can claim that I've lived in various rural areas peppered across the US and always felt welcomed, almost like an old friend in areas.

What do you make of it? How really hard is it to fit in?

I remember western North Dakota and having to repeatedly explain that I don't plan on staying, I'm just here for the job. Sorry, I have a good girl waiting for me at home, and things of the such. My problem has always been NOT fitting in too much.

I believe it is just a rural mindset and set of values. Someone from the sticks of Kansas should have no problem fitting in in the backwoods of West Virginia.

I'm from the woods of northern PA and I know my little town always welcomes newcomers. That being said, of course you're not going to fit in if you're a self-centered, self-gratifying, big mouthed, problem maker.

Is it a vibe, a feeling? I know people who I meet who I fully trust within minutes of meeting them. Just the way they are. Then there are others that I need to feel out for a week, a month, a year. Some just kind of linger in that feeling out period forever and I never really get a good grasp on who they are. And I'll tell people who are close to me, I wouldn't trust that guy.

Last edited by Str8Arrow; 12-06-2009 at 05:45 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-06-2009, 05:48 PM
 
9,807 posts, read 13,682,398 times
Reputation: 8170
being accepted and making true friends,however, are 2 completely different things.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-07-2009, 02:03 PM
 
163 posts, read 157,567 times
Reputation: 61
Exactly, marmac. Very few people will be out and out rude to you unless you are rude to them.

Here's a true story. I grew up in a small midwestern town about 20 miles from where I presently live. I know another lady from my home town who married over here into this community. In this part of the country each little community is a different ethnic pocket. If you're not the right fit, you may be tolerated but never truly accepted.

This gal I knew, married into this community though she was not of that particular nationality. She thought she was accepted and then one day at a ladies' aid function at church the women were discussing some issue in the church. A lady from this community turned to her and asked, "And as an outsider, how do you perceive this?"
She said she was devastated, that after having lived here and having married into the community she was still considered an "outsider" after 17 years. So one wonders about "acceptance".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-07-2009, 06:02 PM
 
9,807 posts, read 13,682,398 times
Reputation: 8170
I know what you mean.

I moved 9 miles from one farm to the next and got " accepted".
Twice I was elected to the local school board and served on the board of our local co-op creamery.

However, there are still people who refer to me as --" that new guy who bought Joe L's farm"

Yup, I did buy---Joe L's farm---March of 1978
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-07-2009, 07:20 PM
 
Location: CasaMo
15,587 posts, read 7,662,437 times
Reputation: 17159
Quote:
Originally Posted by plowman View Post
This gal I knew, married into this community though she was not of that particular nationality. She thought she was accepted and then one day at a ladies' aid function at church the women were discussing some issue in the church. A lady from this community turned to her and asked, "And as an outsider, how do you perceive this?"
She said she was devastated, that after having lived here and having married into the community she was still considered an "outsider" after 17 years. So one wonders about "acceptance".
The conclusion that I have come to after 10 years of living here is that if people want to be insular, I'd rather not be in their social circle anyway. It has nothing to do with a "yuppie factor".

Seek out the genuinely nice people. I'm thankful I have some on my area. I refuse to waste time trying to be accepted by people who act like social bumps on logs because your roots don't go back 10 generations.

And again, I learned this over time and various events when I have attempted to start a friendly chat or helped out a neighbor in need getting little appreciation for it. The ones that are nice, I keep in touch with and they do as well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2009, 07:56 AM
 
163 posts, read 157,567 times
Reputation: 61
Well ,you're in NW MO. What do you expect?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2009, 08:53 AM
 
Location: CasaMo
15,587 posts, read 7,662,437 times
Reputation: 17159
Quote:
Originally Posted by plowman View Post
Well ,you're in NW MO. What do you expect?
It has nothing to do with expectations. I've treated this the same as any other locales I've lived in throughout my life. Identify the good and bad. Seek the good. Avoid the bad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2009, 10:17 AM
 
1,297 posts, read 3,157,970 times
Reputation: 1506
Never moved, but I do know people "from away" who have often lived here longer then I have been alive. To this day, I am a Mainer and a member of this town, but the people that come from away...even if they stay for 40 years...are from away.

Even the lobstermen along the coast...even though I grew up inland, I was accepted because I was born in Maine. People from away, even if they spent their lives on the coast, if their birth certificate did not say Maine, they will never be fully accepted.

It doesn't make sense, BUT that is just the way it is.

(By the way, in my family, it is considered an unpardonable family sin to move to a home outside this town. This is ironic because the farm straddles a town line with more land in the other town then the town we actually reside in! Now on Town Meeting Day, the one day a year this town conducts its business, all 52 of us in the family (and counting) get together and decide what occurs in a town of 120 people. The reality is, the meeting is actually held days in advance, as family and friends gather at the farm and we decide what accounts are getting what, and who is taking which roles. 52 people sounds like a minority but throw in a few friends of the family and we sway the vote quite a bit.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2009, 09:22 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,134 posts, read 43,058,077 times
Reputation: 51688
My mom's lived for nearly 40 years in "my dad's" town. She's worked in the small-town public school system for 20 of those years, everyone knows who she is in the community...but she's still "[my dad]'s wife...you know, she's not from here."

Where is she from, pray tell? Some exotic locale, mythologized urban setting? Nah. Try the next small town over, identical in most regards to her "new" (if by new, I mean home of 40 years, i.e. over half her life) town.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-08-2009, 10:46 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,134 posts, read 43,058,077 times
Reputation: 51688
Quote:
Originally Posted by plowman View Post
Well ,you're in NW MO. What do you expect?
You can plug any locale into this comment...what does it even mean? That NW MO is the pinnacle of insularity? I doubt it. Small, insular communities are small, insular communities wherever you go...I've lived in many in various regions. The point is, with communities where trust and acceptance and even interest are things that only come with several generations of local family roots established, it's often reality that your presence being politely tolerated is not the same thing as being considered a true part of a given community, i.e. not an outsider.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Rural and Small Town Living
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top