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Old 01-05-2010, 02:22 AM
 
1,297 posts, read 3,157,970 times
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My Great Grandfather was a pretty shrewd business man and I have heard that at the height of his farming operations, he would have 17 teams of horses going in all directions in order to keep the potato farm going. To maintain that sort of farming level he had to turn a nickel into a quarter anywhere and everywhere he could.

So when he got a deal on these dyed seed potatoes that could only be used for a test plot, he jumped at the chance as the price was low. But in the fall when the potatoes were grown, well he sold them as food. He did pretty good until the potato inspector saw this and was less then impressed. In fact he took him to court.

Now back then this was a huge crime, like selling tainted milk or buying off-road diesel fuel for your pick up truck. He had to hire a bunch of lawyers and endured months and months of legal ramblings. In the end though he got himself out of the jam. The judge looked at him and said, "Fred is this your signature on the dyed seed potato purchase order?" My Great Grandfather took the sales slip, pulled his glasses out of his pocket and looked the paper all over as if it was holyier then the bible itself. When he got down he handed it back to the judge and said...

"Well it is kind of hard to say isn't it, all X's look the same don't they?"

My Great Grandfather signed everything with an X and thus the state could never make the tax evasion charges stick. (LOL)
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Old 01-05-2010, 09:04 AM
 
Location: In a happy place
3,784 posts, read 7,041,784 times
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When I was a kid growing up in NW Ohio, my folks decided that they would put up a large coop and put in some laying hens to "keep us kids out of trouble" and help supplement Dad's construction income which was practically nonexistent in the winter months. Our coop was built in the corner of our field (we only had one field) and happened to be located directly north of the neighbor's house. It didn't take long until we started to hear occasional complaints from the neighbors about the aroma drifting to their place. Now the neighbors were big time farmers, raising about 120 head of steers and about 100 hogs. (Believe me, that was big time in those days) Anyhow, their steer barn was directly south of our house and the hog barn was directly south of the steer barn. Anyone familiar with the weather in the midwest knows that generally if there is a breeze out of the north, it is usually pretty crisp and cool, but breezes from the south are very sticky, humid, and generally slow moving. One evening the neighbors came over for a visit on the front porch like folks did back then. It was a hot, sultry evening in August with just a slight breeze out of the south. The air was just hanging out in the hog barn before making it's stop in the steer barn on it's way to our front porch. After a little while of sitting on the porch with the usual pleasantries in the conversation, the neighbor man asked a simple question. "Does it always smell this bad over here?" to which my young, 5 year old brother quickly replied, "Nope, most of the time it's worse." We all got a good laugh from that comment and never heard another complaint about the smell from our chicken coop.
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Old 01-05-2010, 10:44 AM
YAZ
Status: "Taurus with a bad moon rising" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Phoenix,AZ
7,121 posts, read 12,027,055 times
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My grandmother was ailing and I decided to drive down to KY and see her before she died. As a kid, I spent many summers on their farm. As an adult, I tended to only see them when they made their trips north to Michigan, and I really wanted to spend some time with my grandparents at their place.

It was the end of summer and still quite warm, so I left the windows down in my truck during my stay. After three great days I had to come home. It started to rain when I crossed the Ohio line and had to roll the windows up.

Barn with cows. Flies in barn and on the cows. Flies like cow manure. The same flies flew into truck.

Can y'all guess what the truck smelled like?

Some city slickers should just stay home......
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Old 01-05-2010, 08:33 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,778 posts, read 6,688,044 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by North Beach Person View Post
An old barn.
Newly put up hay.
16 year old boys.
lighter fluid.
a fascination with circus fire breathers.
one boy says, "Hey y'all watch this".
fire trucks.
Old chicken barn. Fresh straw. A long Sunday afternoon and three bored cousins raiding their father's beer. Matches. Fire trucks.
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Old 01-05-2010, 10:13 PM
 
Location: West Michigan
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Growing up we always had 5 or 6 horses of our own and boarded 3 or 4 for the city kids that wasn't lucky enough to live in the country. Well, one of our favorite past-times was to tie a 15 or 20 foot long rope behind the dirt-bike and attach the ol' Radio Flyer wagon to the other end, then drag each other around the corral at break neck speeds until Mom or Dad lost their ever-lovin minds when they saw us and made us stop. One day while they were at work and I was the driver of said dirt-bike I came up with the great idea of pitching the wagon into the corners as hard as I could and tossing it's occupants (My siblings and neighbor kids from a mile of so down the road) into the road apples that tended to gather in the corners. Well after a few times of plowing head first into the road apples, they come to the conclusion that my "Oops, sorry, you guys alright?" was probably not very sincere (If I could only have controlled the laughing I might have got away with it). Grabbing anything that was close they started to pelt me with dried, semi-dry, and nasty wet road apples (horse turds for you city kids ), of course you can't let that just slide without firing a few hundred back at them. About an hour or so into the giant horse turd fight, Mom pulls into the yard, and spots us kids down in the corral flinging horse poo at each other while laughing hysterically. Man I though she popped her cork when she saw us pulling each other in the wagon, I was sadly mistaken. The phrase "coming unglued at the hinges" comes to mind even today when I think of that moment. Sweet woman turned psycho in an instant; USDA Grade "A" arse whippins ALL around, didn't matter whose kids you were, if you were within reach you got whapped. Chased us all up to the house where she proceeded to hose us down and made all of us strip down to our tighty-whities before allowing us inside to take baths and showers, then she made us go out to the burning barrel and burn the clothes because there "Isn't a way on God's Little Green Earth, those nasty things will EVERY see the inside of a washing machine!!" Neighbor kids got sent home in fresh clothes from our closets and a note explaining everything.

35 years later and she still gets PO'ed if that story comes up .
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Old 01-06-2010, 10:39 AM
YAZ
Status: "Taurus with a bad moon rising" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Phoenix,AZ
7,121 posts, read 12,027,055 times
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Good one, Bydand.

My aunt and uncle raised turkeys at their place in Traverse City, MI. The feed attracted all kinds of birds to the area, and my cousin and I were just messin' around outside.

A mourning dove was perched on top of a fence post and I picked up a fairly large rock and said: "Watch this."

I lobbed a perfect arc and hit the top of the post squarely; bird was in between rock and post.

SPLAT.

We both ran into the house.....afraid that we would get in trouble. Hours later around supper time my uncle casually mentioned that the neighbor's cat must have been roamin' their property again. Dead bird out by the turkey pen....

I could never make that shot again in a million years.

Another one:

Had a lady friend who lived in rural Dewitt, Michigan, and she had a 'lil shindig BBQ type party at her place. Sittin' outside on our lawnchairs, her Dad and I were enjoying a beer watchin' the kids run around having fun. Ladyfriend's Mom remarked how nice it was seeing all of the birds in the yard, especially the doves.

So, there's this dove perched on top of the bird feeder and everyone's looking at it. All of a sudden, out of no where....this red tailed hawk swoops down and collects lunch.

Oh the humanity.....
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Old 01-06-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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We never had running water/indoor plumbing on our farm.
When I was a kid,one summer, a cousin stopped by to visit one night from California.
He was early 30's, good job, new 55 Oldsmobile, and quite the " ladies man"

With him was an attractive woman about 30 from California that he referred to as " his friend" He brought a bottle of whiskey with him and my Dad ( age 65 then) shared a few drinks with him as they got caught up on happenings.

His lady friend whispered a question in my cousin's ear and he gazed around the kitchen, My dad thought she wanted water for her drink and pointed to a stand in the corner of the kitchen with a water pail and dipper.

" Go ahead, it's over there. That's the way we do it"

My cousin nearly fell off the chair laughing and his lady friend looked embarrassd.

My cousin finally told my dad---------" She asked where the bathroom is, She has to pee "
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Old 01-06-2010, 01:27 PM
 
Location: West Michigan
12,083 posts, read 34,584,617 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by YAZ View Post

I lobbed a perfect arc and hit the top of the post squarely; bird was in between rock and post.

SPLAT.
LOL!! Reminds me of a story, not of a farm, but when I lived in Sault Ste. Marie, MI I worked at the KOA right on the river (Soo Locks Campground now). Me and one of the other grounds guys were walking along the water front sites checking out the "sights" when Tom picked up this big rock and was going to chuck it at a big group of seagulls to scare them off. Now he had done this thousands of times over the years, and they always took off, flew around for a minute and landed further away. This time he lets the rock fly, it skips once off the ground and hits a seagull right smack in the head, killing it graveyard dead right on the spot. I started laughing, and Tom flipped out. The people who had been feeding the gulls were a bunch of Michigan Conservation Officers who were in town for a meeting, and they were still standing right there in uniform getting ready to leave for the meeting. Ol' Tom freaks out and starts babbling about going to jail, not being able to pay the fine, etc... when one of the CO's joined me laughing his head off. Another one, just shook his head and said something about how thinning out the stupid ones isn't always a bad thing.
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Old 01-06-2010, 01:45 PM
YAZ
Status: "Taurus with a bad moon rising" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Phoenix,AZ
7,121 posts, read 12,027,055 times
Reputation: 6385
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bydand View Post
LOL!! Reminds me of a story, not of a farm, but when I lived in Sault Ste. Marie, MI I worked at the KOA right on the river (Soo Locks Campground now).

I was born in the Soo and I can't remember where that campground is.....

Is it still operating? Been a long time.....

Black bear.

My Dad and I were big famous deer hunters......

My cousin had shot a big buck at the 'ole homestead near Rudyard, MI, and we took off Thanksgiving morning to get in a couple of huntin' days before the firearm season closed.

My grandparents had sold their farm many years prior and the new owners let us hunt on their property. My cousin still owned 40 acres of woodland nearby....

My cousin field dressed the buck and hung it in the woodshed the day before Thanksgiving. When we arrived he was standing on the porch with a sad look on his face. A bear had broken into the shed and ripped the deer down the night before. Ate some of it, then dragged it to the tree line, peed on it and half buried it for later.

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Old 01-11-2010, 03:13 PM
 
4,925 posts, read 9,902,261 times
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We'd had some problems with bears getting a little bold around the place when I was a kid. Dad was gone for a few days...don't remember where. My cousins and I had seen too many movies and decided we'd build a bear trap...you know, a hole that we covered with weeds. A really deep hole, deep enough to hold a bear. Put it between the barn and the tractor shed. Dad came home.
In the morning, in the dark, dad found it. I guess it took a while for mom to hear him hollering. I guess it took a while for her to talk dad out of killing us. He said later he was confused as to where he was exactly that that would happen to him.

I think it'd have been safer for us if we'da caught a bear.

Then there's the story of mom swatting the "dog" on the porch with a broom in the dark and telling it to scoot. Then she realized the dog was behind her. But the bear disguised as a dog "scooted"!
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