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Old 01-11-2010, 06:28 PM
Location: South Park, San Diego
5,110 posts, read 7,830,250 times
Reputation: 9625


Now that a few stories that have expressed life on the farm as it really is, with a few attendant casualties, I'm not feeling quite as vulnerable to hate posts but animal lovers beware, just stop reading this right now-I disavow this behavior, it is the behavior of a bored farm kid on the middle of nowhere Western Nebraska decades ago.

As ranchers and farmers know, it isn't "All Creatures Great and Small" so much as animals you raise that are your livelihood, working animals to help (a good horse and dog), a few cats to take care of the rodents, and then there are the varmits that eat your fields, feed corn and garden or harass your stock, and varmits are to be dispatched. Whether coyotes, crows, rabbits, rats and mice these are not helpful animals and they often have to be removed because they threaten your livelihood.

My brothers and I would be sent every summer from the mountains of Northern California to work the family farm in the sandhills of Nebraska. It was extremely hard work-this was before automatic irrigation and we use to have to haul the irrigation pipes a ways every few days to other parts of the corn fields- as well as farm alfalfa, wheat, bale and stack hay and raise several hundred hogs and cattle and all the attendant chores of a large, family run operation. But it was also hella fun being just a kid driving tractors, combines, riding horses, castrating hogs and branding cattle (OK maybe that wasn't that fun) driving 16 speed grain trucks to the scales years before we ever had a drivers license.

Of course even with all those chores we still had time to mess around and you have to create your own fun on the farm.

Every once in a while the farm would be invaded by toads in almost biblical proportions and they would make a mess of everything-getting into the hog pens and grain. Uncle Dub said get rid of those damn things anyway you can. Well, while the 22 was good for the rabbits and coyotes it was a little overkill for the toads but we came up with all kinds of maniacal ways to dispatch them which I need not go into. But once we were in the hog pen that had a very mild electrical current wire around the perimeter we got the idea to play emergency room doctor.

We would hold these toads underwater in the water trough for a long time, enough so that they at least seemed dead to us and then we would place their little front claws on the electrical fence, dramatically yell "clear" and shock those little critters back to life while blowing air into their mouths. I don't remember how many didn't make it but I do remember than a few would gradually come back to life and we would set them free to the irrigation ponds figuring they had experienced enough.
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Old 01-11-2010, 07:42 PM
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How in the world could you blow into a toads mouth while he was getting a shock from the electric fence.

By touching him, you would be the ground connection and you would be getting the shock .
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Old 01-11-2010, 10:35 PM
Location: South Park, San Diego
5,110 posts, read 7,830,250 times
Reputation: 9625
Originally Posted by marmac View Post

How in the world could you blow into a toads mouth while he was getting a shock from the electric fence.

By touching him, you would be the ground connection and you would be getting the shock .
Haha, like I said it was a very mild electric wire, hardly even enough to have fun by holding your cousin's hand and grabbing a hold of it to shock her-weak!

After first attempt, pull the toad off the wire, pull his throat skin down to open his mouth and then blow a few puffs of breath into the mouth (no, I'm not kissing the toad)- massage the belly a little bit- look for signs of life, if none, back on the wire. "Clear!"

Repeat if necessary.

Last edited by T. Damon; 01-11-2010 at 10:56 PM..
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Old 01-12-2010, 05:00 PM
1,297 posts, read 3,158,608 times
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My Mother was always a homemaker, and a fine one she made I must say. But that being the case, she liked to keep all us kids in line and did that then, as she does now, in a rather controlling sort of way. Now the word "control" is the key to this whole story.

Well 33 years ago, just as we do know, to get a cow out of its stall and into the milking parlor, we kick it a little, and say "Come on girl, get up, get going", since 99% of the animals on the farm are girls.

Now back when I was two and just learning to talk, I was always around the farm, and some of the first words I picked up were, "Come on girl, get up, get going." Now when I did this to my mother...a very controlling mother mind you, which bothered her to no end. You just had to picture it, some toddler kicking his mother in the shin saying, "Come on girl, get up, get going", everytime I wanted a cookie or glass of milk! (LOL)
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Old 01-12-2010, 05:01 PM
1,297 posts, read 3,158,608 times
Reputation: 1506
When I was 15 or so, I got the courage up to ask my Uncle if he could show me how to cut wood. At the time I was just starting to log, use the chainsaw, etc. To my surprise he said he would be glad to show me.

Our farm is located about 20 minutes North of Belfast, Maine, but due to some family that owned land down there generations ago, we still own land there, not a lot of acreage, but enough to log. Its actually a pretty cool spot since it has a natural cranberry bog on it, but next to it is Maine's second biggest road. You see in Maine there is two roads...I-95 and Route 1 and this was Route One. It also has a big sub-station next to it which supplies all the power from the main grid to the CITY of Belfast.

Of course my Uncle was with his nephew so he had to cut the biggest trees on the property. These were Maine's big White Pines. We did pretty good on a bunch of trees, but just before diner my Uncle decides to cut a tree next to the highway. He makes the notch, then the back cut and the tree leaned back on him. No Big deal we got a bulldozer. So he grabs that and the tree snaps off the stump and over it goes...backwards.

So there the tree was, spread out across the south bound lane of route one with all kinds of wires down. Before we could even start to saw the tree out of the road, the police, fire trucks, power company and the emergency management agency all showed up. Apparently, since the sub-station to the city was just behind us, our wayward tree had put the ENTIRE city in the dark...

The fire dept, the police department, and even the hospital was on emergency power....

So some supervisor of the power company starts yelling at my Uncle saying how much this was going to cost us and this and that, really yelling and making a big scene of it. My Uncle...a typical Mainer who is more calm and frank then one to get upset, simply says, "Do you remember when you guys built on to your substation and went across the property line. I don't care how much it costs us to repair these wires, it's going to cost twice that for building onto our land without permission."

The power company guy got all quiet and said, "We all make mistakes don't we Mr. Drawbar?" and we never did get a bill for that little mistake. (It even was in the local paper).
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:36 AM
Location: Somewhere out there
18,288 posts, read 20,812,729 times
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I must of been around 13-14 when I decided to butter up dad to let me go with him to an out of state horse show for a week. Usually cleaning out the stalls was my brothers chore but I pull the manure spreader & tractor up against the north end of the barn after I opened all the stall doors first. Cleaned then put new sawdust down when I thought I better move the tractor. That is when I noticed the fence about a foot ahead of the tractor and dad usually just let brother drive the tractors for chores.

I tried to back up but wasn't experienced enough to back with something hitched onto the tractor. Went up to the house to get mother (don't know where brother was) and she couldn't get the tractor moved. I had tried so much that I had the big back tire solid against the barn wall.

Couple of hours later dad came home from work and was told about the stall cleaning I did that day. I was so proud first time I had ever done all 8 stalls by myself. When he got down to the barn I got a seat warming like none other he didn't say a word about all the hard work I did. Said many words about the tractor being stuck on the barn though. Oh yeah had to replace 2 siding boards on the barn also.

I didn't get to go to the out of state horse show.
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Old 01-19-2010, 03:42 PM
98 posts, read 174,831 times
Reputation: 173
We had a pony ride business when I was a kid. On the weekends, my mother had my sisters and me walk and cart drive our ponies at a swap shop flea market place. Those ponies were our bread and butter, so to speak. They had to be nice, calm easygoing critters. So what did we kids know... We wanted to ride bucking broncos and weren't allowed to rodeo. So one day my sisters, myself, and a few other kids on our horse ranch got the bright idea we would stage our own rodeo. We took lead ropes and fashioned them around our working ponies flanks. WOW could those little ladies buck!!! Well about that time, my mom came around the corner while our little mare ponies were playing the buckling bronco role. Needless to say, we couldn't sit down for a week!!! And it wasn't cause we fell on our keisters either... Never saw or felt my mother's fury quite like that!
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Old 01-25-2010, 07:28 PM
Status: "Taurus with a bad moon rising" (set 28 days ago)
Location: Phoenix,AZ
7,121 posts, read 12,029,076 times
Reputation: 6385
Me and my best buddy were out in the woods pokin' around one February afternoon after school. All kinds of fun to be had with lots of snow and a relatively warm day......

There it was.

The most coolest, awesomist piece of art Ma Nature could create.

A big 'ole hornet's nest.

We nailed it with snowballs and got a big stick and poked at it for a while.

Nuthin' happened.

My 'lil buddy shimmies up the tree and manages to shake the branch enough to knock it down. We picked it up and fondled its "coolness", as it was much larger than your average basketball. We're gonna show this to everyone.

We get back home and decided we're gonna keep it on his Mom's sunporch. Folks don't really hang out there much in the wintertime, more of an entrance and a place to kick off the snow and hang your coat during that time of year.

There it sat.



Until that first warm spring day.

Hornets everywhere......

All through the house.

It wasn't funny back then........
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