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Old 01-15-2010, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,130,840 times
Reputation: 553

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasHorseLady View Post
Well, it's entirely possible to be chatty and connected and open in rural communities. Best way to get started on that is to ask for help or advice from people who've figured out, over generations, how things work in that area. (Or, you could just get a bull - guaranteed way to meet your neighbors!)

However, seeing the quotes you attribute to yourself, I can see how you'd have been having a difficult time connecting. "Here, let me tell you how much better it's done where I came from so you can be just like there and SO much better!" isn't likely to win friends and influence people much of anywhere, I don't think, big city OR out in the country.
I hope you are right, TexasHorseLady. I have been meeting people gradually who are just as chatty and open as I am. It's only in the poetry scene and the arts scene in general (restaurants, movies, theatre, music...) that I seem to run into trouble by running my big mouth. I have seen the light. No more judgments (positive or negative), and no more comparisons.
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,130,840 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by tdna View Post
Attend local meetings to get an idea of what the community values are. Go into it with an open mind and, for the first meeting, a closed mouth. Listen to what's important to the locals, then choose something that you can really get on board with and offer to get involved. We have one guy who always shows up ready to start an argument: we need to pave the dirt roads; we need to install streetlights; he shouldn't have to fence in his property to keep livestock off of it; it stirs up too much dust when the farmers harvest; he had to wait 20 minutes while cattle were on the road; where he moved from, this would never happen...and on, and on.

Everyone rolls their eyes and wonders why he moved here in the first place. He doesn't want to be a part of the community, he wants to change everything about it. There is a huge difference between someone making thoughtful suggestions about how to improve a community that they really care about and someone who refuses to adapt, while insisting everyone else change to accommodate him. He shows no respect to the people and the way of life here. It's insulting. I don't mean to imply that we're so ignorant and closed-minded that we're opposed to any change. It's just that, not all change is for the better and we don't think it's too bad here as it is.

Just by asking the question that you did, you show that you want to be a respectful (which, in turn, will allow you to be a respected) member of the community.

TexasHorseLady, that brochure is perfect!
Thank you so much. I really appreciate these tips and a picture of how bad it can get with some newcomers. I don't think I am that obnoxiously know-it-all, but this guy's actions serves as a fair warning.

Yeah, my heart is in the right place, but my words and actions at times have not reflected how much I love Madison, and have since I was a student here. I think a lot can be chalked up to culture shock. Now, I just want to know how I can be a better neighbor, friend, co-worker, fellow artist, etc.
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,130,840 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
The locals only had problems with one new guy.( college professor who bought land near me )

He built his new house very close to the state hwy for easy access and minimize snow removal. ( right to the legal inch) and then winter came.

Here in Minnesota, it is legal to ride your snowmobile in the ditch of highways.
He pur up no tresspassing signs in fromt of his house that got run over cuz they were in the legal path for snowmobiles.

He then tried to attack snowmobilers with a long bull whip when they passed close to his house. Finally he put logs and huge rocks in the ditch to block snowmonbiles.

Sheriff Deputy came out . he removed the logs and huge rocks, and learned to live with his mistake of building his new house that close to the highway.
Wild story. Well, I guess some folks have to learn the hard way. I am definitely not that far gone or hard-headed. I prefer to ask questions, listen, and learn. Thanks so much for your response.
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Eastern Kentucky
1,237 posts, read 2,760,307 times
Reputation: 1290
Nala, I thin you are on the right track. Good luck.
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Old 01-15-2010, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,130,840 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by masonsdaughter View Post
Nala, I thin you are on the right track. Good luck.
Thank you, masonsdaughter. Doin' my best and willing to learn.
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Old 01-15-2010, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Oregon woods
106 posts, read 209,230 times
Reputation: 222
All the things said so far are absolutely right on. Here's a few more miscellaneous blips:
Building extravagant McMansion houses in modest rural areas (complete with the electronic-keyed, wrought-iron and brick gate across the l-o-n-g driveway) is another sure way to annoy your humbler neighbors and stick out like a "citiot' (LOVE that word!). Pretentiousness and displays of wealth may be socially necessary in the city to show your caste & status, but in the country it's what you DO that counts for the most. Take that urban cash and fix up a trashed property instead. And buy all your supplies from the local lumberyard and hardware store, not Lowe's or Home Depot or WalMart. And join the volunteer fire department. Or be seen picking up trash in the park. Privacy is a concern for most ruralites. We live out here to get AWAY from you people, darn it.

Be approachable, but wait to be invited into the inner circle. You have to earn social acceptance anywhere. Class differences and the rural/urban divide can be as socially divisive as any more obvious racial or language barrier. Do not boast, compare, or even reminisce about the city unless asked.

Take a lesson from our friends the Canine-Americans; If you are the new Dog, display a humble posture and let the Dog who owns the turf approach you first on his terms. When the tail wags, wag back, then Go Play!
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Old 01-15-2010, 02:14 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,130,840 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by plainbrowntabby View Post
All the things said so far are absolutely right on. Here's a few more miscellaneous blips:
Building extravagant McMansion houses in modest rural areas (complete with the electronic-keyed, wrought-iron and brick gate across the l-o-n-g driveway) is another sure way to annoy your humbler neighbors and stick out like a "citiot' (LOVE that word!). Pretentiousness and displays of wealth may be socially necessary in the city to show your caste & status, but in the country it's what you DO that counts for the most. Take that urban cash and fix up a trashed property instead. And buy all your supplies from the local lumberyard and hardware store, not Lowe's or Home Depot or WalMart. And join the volunteer fire department. Or be seen picking up trash in the park. Privacy is a concern for most ruralites. We live out here to get AWAY from you people, darn it.

Be approachable, but wait to be invited into the inner circle. You have to earn social acceptance anywhere. Class differences and the rural/urban divide can be as socially divisive as any more obvious racial or language barrier. Do not boast, compare, or even reminisce about the city unless asked.


Take a lesson from our friends the Canine-Americans; If you are the new Dog, display a humble posture and let the Dog who owns the turf approach you first on his terms. When the tail wags, wag back, then Go Play!
Thanks for the tips. Even though I am not a rich "citiot" lol, I am highly educated and artistically inclined. In NYC, we are encouraged to be pretty out there, assertive, and wear it all on our sleeves. Here in Madison, what is most important is the work I do as an educator in the community--and my writing to a lesser degree. Fine by me. I came here to downshift and get out of the rat race after all.

I could say more, but you get the pic.

Your post gives me a lot to go on. I like the dog imagery. Nice... lol arf arf
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Old 01-15-2010, 05:02 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 85,098,321 times
Reputation: 18083
Quote:
Originally Posted by plainbrowntabby View Post
All the things said so far are absolutely right on. Here's a few more miscellaneous blips:
Building extravagant McMansion houses in modest rural areas (complete with the electronic-keyed, wrought-iron and brick gate across the l-o-n-g driveway) is another sure way to annoy your humbler neighbors and stick out like a "citiot' (LOVE that word!). Pretentiousness and displays of wealth may be socially necessary in the city to show your caste & status, but in the country it's what you DO that counts for the most. Take that urban cash and fix up a trashed property instead. And buy all your supplies from the local lumberyard and hardware store, not Lowe's or Home Depot or WalMart. And join the volunteer fire department. Or be seen picking up trash in the park. Privacy is a concern for most ruralites. We live out here to get AWAY from you people, darn it.

Be approachable, but wait to be invited into the inner circle. You have to earn social acceptance anywhere. Class differences and the rural/urban divide can be as socially divisive as any more obvious racial or language barrier. Do not boast, compare, or even reminisce about the city unless asked.

Take a lesson from our friends the Canine-Americans; If you are the new Dog, display a humble posture and let the Dog who owns the turf approach you first on his terms. When the tail wags, wag back, then Go Play!
I thnik that many of those are just envy really. It happens all the time as things change even in cities or urban areas. I also think much of it applies to rural area people where they bascailly are suspicoius of new comners and in fact I often found that rumors spread that are not true. New comers also get alot of the "well;around here this is the way we do it" or "well;it maybe illegal as you say but we have (example) dumped there for years". mostly its always just a few in most areas whether its rural moving to teh city ir city moving to rural areas.There are unfriendly and friendly people evrywhere really and even those that fear what they don't know or understand.
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Old 01-15-2010, 06:00 PM
 
Location: Beautiful Pelham Pkwy (da Bronx)
966 posts, read 2,130,840 times
Reputation: 553
Quote:
Originally Posted by texdav View Post
I thnik that many of those are just envy really. It happens all the time as things change even in cities or urban areas. I also think much of it applies to rural area people where they bascailly are suspicoius of new comners and in fact I often found that rumors spread that are not true. New comers also get alot of the "well;around here this is the way we do it" or "well;it maybe illegal as you say but we have (example) dumped there for years". mostly its always just a few in most areas whether its rural moving to teh city ir city moving to rural areas.There are unfriendly and friendly people evrywhere really and even those that fear what they don't know or understand.
Yep, might as well let people be people...everywhere.

Thanks for your post and your perspective. I have seen this, too. Both sides, really.
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Old 01-15-2010, 07:41 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,719 posts, read 45,819,453 times
Reputation: 13608
Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
The locals only had problems with one new guy.( college professor who bought land near me )

He built his new house very close to the state hwy for easy access and minimize snow removal. ( right to the legal inch) and then winter came.

Here in Minnesota, it is legal to ride your snowmobile in the ditch of highways.
He pur up no tresspassing signs in fromt of his house that got run over cuz they were in the legal path for snowmobiles.

He then tried to attack snowmobilers with a long bull whip when they passed close to his house. Finally he put logs and huge rocks in the ditch to block snowmonbiles.

Sheriff Deputy came out . he removed the logs and huge rocks, and learned to live with his mistake of building his new house that close to the highway.
Good point Marmac. Whenever you move to a new place and find an unfamiliar regulation that allows you to, say, put your house 20' away from the road but no closer, it would make sense to ask "What is the purpose of this regulation?", and make sure you get and understand fully the correct answer to that question, particularly before you do something that's right on the edge of what's allowed. (does that make sense?)

Last edited by M3 Mitch; 01-15-2010 at 07:44 PM.. Reason: Format question correctly
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