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Old 05-19-2017, 06:14 PM
 
22 posts, read 26,066 times
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Although I asked about diversity I'm not concerned about being in a predominate LDS neighborhood. In the 5 years I lived in Sandy (back in the late 90s) I never felt singled out and no one ever knocked on my door to preach their religion. How can you go wrong having LDS neighbors - they spend time together as a family and believe in something bigger than themselves.
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Old 05-20-2017, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Metro Detroit
1,784 posts, read 1,888,773 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matxutca View Post
Although I asked about diversity I'm not concerned about being in a predominate LDS neighborhood. In the 5 years I lived in Sandy (back in the late 90s) I never felt singled out and no one ever knocked on my door to preach their religion. How can you go wrong having LDS neighbors - they spend time together as a family and believe in something bigger than themselves.
I could provide a number of reasons, but here's a true story, that happened to me, which I wrote for another board a few days ago:
A couple years ago I set up a new email address to receive all my LDS Account and ward newsletter email, and follow up with an auto-reply which took two paragraphs to kindly say, "Thanks, but no thanks, here's my real contact information if you want to get in touch to go grab lunch as just neighbors."

It sent probably 60 replies before someone finally got in touch with me using my regular contact info, it was the EQ President. He sent an email to my normal account saying my auto-reply made him sad and he'd like to visit me with the bishopric.

I replied saying that I would be happy to welcome any of my neighbors over and we could talk and get to know each other, that maybe our families could be friends, or I'd be happy to meet up to grab a sandwich or something and discuss the local small town happenings, but that it would be as neighbors and that I don't have any desire or intent to discuss or return to my former church.

It has been two weeks and he hasn't replied.

I'm not terribly surprised or disappointed, but it further reaffirms my belief that most Mormons are only interested in being your friend if you are also a Mormon, or if they can convert you. The two emails he would've received from me were nothing but kind and light-hearted. I made it clear that I'd like to be friends and stay casually associated with Mormonism, but that the dogma will not be part of my life.
Clearly that isn't good enough for Mormons. They only want interaction with their active ward family, and that's their prerogative, but it will only further exacerbate a situation where Mormons remain culturally isolated from anyone around them which isn't part of their strictly groomed clan. Oh well, I prefer friends who like me regardless of my involvement in their favorite club anyway.
One of the responses I received read:
I was just thinking about our upcoming departure. And it occurred to me that I have exactly zero friends at church. I am a HP and enjoy the men in that group (despite most of them being 20 years older) but there is not one person in the entire ward I have done anything socially with. I am not criticizing them personally. I haven't invited them to do anything either. I just find it remarkable that I would have told non-Mormons how friendly the ward is and how nice everyone is despite NEVER having done anything socially with a friend. Date nights with a dozen couples? Sure. One of those in a year. But in nearly every other part of the world, a friend is someone who you, individually, go grab a beer or see a movie or play a round of golf with. In the LDS world, a friends often seems to be someone you served in a calling and sat in meetings with.

Mormons tend to suck at friends.

How is that for a generalization?
and another:
My family moved to Utah just before my senior year of high school. I left my friends, my first love, and the only house I've ever lived in that really felt like home.

We lived in Draper, a suburb of Salt Lake City, and all our neighbors were really, really Mormon.
I babysat for our next door neighbor's kids for a while, and thought everything was peachy-keen, even if I was kind of creeped out by some of the pictures they had hanging on the walls.

Then I get pulled into the kitchen one day by my mother, who demands to know if I talked about sex to the neighbor's kids. Because their mother had informed mine that I was no longer their baby sitter, because I'd discussed inappropriate things with her children.

The little girl had asked if I'd ever been in love, and I said yes. She asked what that was like, and we had a conversation. About love. I never spoke about anything more explicit than a kiss.
So are they bad neighbors? No. They aren't. Unfortunately they're not exactly good neighbors either. If you live in a strongly LDS community there is a significant ingroup/outgroup dynamic. That dynamic will change as quickly as their perception of your belief. There may be exceptions, but having been both part of the "in-group" and the "out-group" I can assure you that is the standard social dynamic of a predominantly LDS neighborhood. Move somewhere in Northern Salt Lake County and you won't experience that, but in the Mo-Burbs, that's what you'll find 9 times out of 10.
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Old 05-22-2017, 09:04 PM
 
102 posts, read 88,420 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matxutca View Post
Although I asked about diversity I'm not concerned about being in a predominate LDS neighborhood. In the 5 years I lived in Sandy (back in the late 90s) I never felt singled out and no one ever knocked on my door to preach their religion. How can you go wrong having LDS neighbors - they spend time together as a family and believe in something bigger than themselves.
But it is an act! /s

I hear ya though. I moved south from the ghetto of WVC and am elated to have exchanged drunks and drug addicted losers for Mormon families. It is weird though, I have had one ask me to be his workout buddy, another one keeps talking about our families, another asked me to help his business part time and this other Mormon fella won't stop talking Sports with me. I just KNOW they are up to something though! Mormons NEVER just become your friend like that.
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Old 05-23-2017, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Salt Lake City
22,297 posts, read 22,882,272 times
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Originally Posted by Hrothgar View Post
I just KNOW they are up to something though! Mormons NEVER just become your friend like that.
Well, it looks like Mormons are kind of between a rock and a hard place, doesn't it? If we just wave and say "Hello" across the yard, but do no more than that, we're accused of being standoffish and unfriendly. If we really put ourselves out to be welcoming, we've got an ulterior motive. I'm glad that the 8 non-Mormon families on my 12-household Cottonwood Heights block don't have that attitude. When my husband and I invite all of them over to an annual backyard barbeque every summer, we all just enjoy each other. Nobody cares where anybody else goes to church or if they go at all. Nobody makes a big deal about who's drinking alcohol and who's drinking soda. Nobody stereotypes anybody else or is convinced that anybody else is "up to something." I'd hate having to wonder how much friendliness is enough and how much is too much -- simply because somebody who doesn't go to church with me is measuring my actions and deciding that I'm either incapable or unwilling to be a good friend and neighbor just because I'm a Mormon.

Last edited by Katzpur; 05-23-2017 at 10:43 AM..
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Old 05-23-2017, 05:12 PM
 
102 posts, read 88,420 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katzpur View Post
Well, it looks like Mormons are kind of between a rock and a hard place, doesn't it? If we just wave and say "Hello" across the yard, but do no more than that, we're accused of being standoffish and unfriendly. If we really put ourselves out to be welcoming, we've got an ulterior motive. I'm glad that the 8 non-Mormon families on my 12-household Cottonwood Heights block don't have that attitude. When my husband and I invite all of them over to an annual backyard barbeque every summer, we all just enjoy each other. Nobody cares where anybody else goes to church or if they go at all. Nobody makes a big deal about who's drinking alcohol and who's drinking soda. Nobody stereotypes anybody else or is convinced that anybody else is "up to something." I'd hate having to wonder how much friendliness is enough and how much is too much -- simply because somebody who doesn't go to church with me is measuring my actions and deciding that I'm either incapable or unwilling to be a good friend and neighbor just because I'm a Mormon.

I am not sure if you are just venting or if you took my post serious? So yeah, I was being sarcastic because I seen the Mormons were taking a beating with anecdotes and thought I would countervalance it. My post had a heavy dose of tongue in cheek!

My reality is heaps different thaen what I keep reading. In the 8 weeks I have been living in the Payson/Spanish Fork area all of the above in my post have happened. I have had someone ask to workout with me at the gym, have plenty of folks that are all to ready to talk sports and lament that LeBron James is on my team and not theirs, had a neighvor ask me to work for him on the side and another neighbor stop in his yard for small talk regularly.

At work I have also been invited Bowling, asked if I want to attend a BYU game and be converted as a Sports fan(never!), invited to a Temple wedding ceremony for a coworker I barely know and have had a group of close nit BYU grads from work invite me to their lunch get togethers. It isn't that I look Mormon since I have longhair, go days without shaving and am given a hard time for looking like an extra for Game of Thrones, and amazingly religion has barely ever been discussed despite everyone promising that's all they will talk about.

Of course I also have some rude neighbors, no idea their beliefs and met a ton of jerks in Utah as well. I guess it COULD be some vast Mormon conspiracy that they are jerks, and that the ones extending friendship are all putting on acts to ambush me, intervention style while their Clergy force me into a baptism pool but I am having my doubts.....
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Old 05-23-2017, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City
22,297 posts, read 22,882,272 times
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Originally Posted by Hrothgar View Post
I am not sure if you are just venting or if you took my post serious? So yeah, I was being sarcastic because I seen the Mormons were taking a beating with anecdotes and thought I would countervalance it. My post had a heavy dose of tongue in cheek!
If that's the case, then I apologize. It's often hard to tell where people are really coming from online. I apparently read you wrong. Mea culpa.
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Old 05-23-2017, 09:39 PM
 
102 posts, read 88,420 times
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Originally Posted by Katzpur View Post
If that's the case, then I apologize. It's often hard to tell where people are really coming from online. I apparently read you wrong. Mea culpa.

No worries, I had hoped how heavy I was laying it on people would catch the sarcasm, guess it got lost in the translation. It's all good though!
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Old 05-24-2017, 01:52 PM
 
Location: God's Gift to Mankind for flying anything
5,389 posts, read 11,366,200 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matxutca View Post
We drove out to Daybreak which was pretty BUT those developments don't have much space between them either. I'm not looking for a huge yard but I would like to have more than what I've seen the last few days.
My daughter lives west of Daybreak, about 1/2 a mile west of The Mountainview Parkway.
Plenty of room on each side of the house (she has at least 20 feet on each side). One and a half car length drive way and 35 feet deep backyard !
How much minimum are you looking for ?

By the way, when you look for a house, always make sure that the house behind you is a single story house, and that your living area is at least one half story high ! This way you never have to look *at* the house in back !
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