Having a hard time in Utah (Ogden, Cache: fit in, live in, moving to)

[Zionide]

Originally Posted by irman

Living in a place where tobacco and alcohol is frowned upon by the majority of inhabitants, was a bad choice for you in this case.

Well, that was sure helpful.

And, for the record, if kerbear lives in SLC proper, the majority of inhabitants do NOT frown upon tobacco and alcohol.

Thanks for keeping the inaccurate Utah stereotype alive, irman. Does us all so much good!

[Tim Tim Tim]

I thought tobacco and alcohol would be something people looked down on.. PLEASE, every house I go to the guys are talking about drinking beer and stuff. quite a few smokers too

[eggalegga]

Originally Posted by Lamborgotti

... Even when we have street parties and such, with no religious affiliation suggested at all, it seems like our non-LDS neighbors don't ever come (about 5/20 households aren't LDS on my street), even thought we'd love it if they did. So people just get the idea that they want to be left alone. My main suggestion to you would be to not be like them. Don't hesitate to socialize with Latter-day Saints, even if they outnumber you 3 to 1, that's just how it always is in this state. If you don't make your differences an issue, they won't either.

This happens in my neighborhood too. There were two wives who (for the most part) would organize and plan our neighborhood Fourth of July parties. One is LDS one is Catholic. I am friends with the Catholic lady. Anyway, we would purposely invite all neighbors and their kids to the party and ask that they bring a food item to share. We had games planned for kids, music, etc. Then after it got dark, out came the alcohol. Those who didn't want to drink, didn't have to. Those who were opposed to it, either left or kept their comments to themselves. We all tried to respect each other's differences rather than judge one another. Sure, those of us drinking were very careful to keep the alcohol away from children. I don't have kids, nor am I LDS. But I had fun getting to know all of my neighbors and their kids. We had a neighbor come over from one cul-de-sac to the east and say, "Looks like I moved onto the wrong street." We invited him to join us.

I'd say make the effort to get to know your neighbors. If you feel as though you don't have anything in common, keep trying. Best of luck to you.

[jhwest]

I am LDS, lived in Utah for five years and had hardly any friends. Don't blame it on religion. I moved to Austin, TX and have more friends in one year than I did the entire time I lived in SLC.

Many of the people who have lived in Utah their whole lives already have a complete social network (Mormon and non mormon alike). They don't need or have time for new friends. So don't think it's you. Ultimately it's hard to break into a culture filled with lifelong residents, so matter what place it is. If you can find a place with lots of transplants, you'll have better success since they'll be looking for friends too.

[SouthernBelleInUtah]

Originally Posted by jhwest

.......................Many of the people who have lived in Utah their whole lives already have a complete social network (Mormon and non mormon alike). They don't need or have time for new friends. So don't think it's you. Ultimately it's hard to break into a culture filled with lifelong residents, so matter what place it is. If you can find a place with lots of transplants, you'll have better success since they'll be looking for friends too.

SO true! When I lived in New Orleans, it was the same. People had been friends since pre-K and were now 40-50 y/o - they had all the friends they had time for. It was hard to break into a circle like that.

[5280milehiguy]

It seems the OP really hasn't responded to any suggestions on this thread.

Anyhow, I'm from Texas, been in downtown SLC for 6 years, lived by Gateway and now for four years by Trolley and still, I find myself in the same situation as the OP. I have few friends, even got a dog to walk around Liberty Park, volunteered for various organizations, did the dog walk at Sugarhouse Park (Strutt your mutt), hung out in some bars too, went to the U for some classes, took some part-time jobs, went to coffee shops, did some social groups, walk alot (pretty scarry when you consider most drivers don't look out for pedestrians), went to several non LDS churches, biked along the Bonneville Shoreline trail and in Park City, been to every freaking bookstore, including Sam Wellers, and tried online dating from numerous sites.

After all that activity, I am no better off now then I was after my divorce 5 years ago and I still can't find anyone here that I can relate to. I am just tired of trying new things here. I will leave soon for another place. I think if you're not LDS, and still live in the city, you are just spinning your wheels in Utah.

Good luck to the OP, I'm sure there are others in the same boat too.

[markg91359]

It seems the OP really hasn't responded to any suggestions on this thread.

Anyhow, I'm from Texas, been in downtown SLC for 6 years, lived by Gateway and now for four years by Trolley and still, I find myself in the same situation as the OP. I have few friends, even got a dog to walk around Liberty Park, volunteered for various organizations, did the dog walk at Sugarhouse Park (Strutt your mutt), hung out in some bars too, went to the U for some classes, took some part-time jobs, went to coffee shops, did some social groups, walk alot (pretty scarry when you consider most drivers don't look out for pedestrians), went to several non LDS churches, biked along the Bonneville Shoreline trail and in Park City, been to every freaking bookstore, including Sam Wellers, and tried online dating from numerous sites.

After all that activity, I am no better off now then I was after my divorce 5 years ago and I still can't find anyone here that I can relate to. I am just tired of trying new things here. I will leave soon for another place. I think if you're not LDS, and still live in the city, you are just spinning your wheels in Utah.

Good luck to the OP, I'm sure there are others in the same boat too. I think being divorced and single presents some issues. Most people here seem to be surrounded not only by family, but by extended family as well.

I'm sorry things haven't worked out better for you. I think some people do have a terribly difficult time making friends and fitting in here. Of course, I think this is probably true in many, if not most places, in America. Salt Lake isn't for everyone. I think life is too short. If I were really unhappy here and had done all the things you describe, I would probably want to move too. I'll wish you better luck in a new place.

[alexei27]

Originally Posted by markg91359

It seems the OP really hasn't responded to any suggestions on this thread.

I think they scared her off...lol

[It's Me Trish]

Originally Posted by jhwest

Ultimately it's hard to break into a culture filled with lifelong residents, so matter what place it is. If you can find a place with lots of transplants, you'll have better success since they'll be looking for friends too.

I too am a transplant and I'm having similar problems as described. Where can I find the other Transplants?

Also, if anyone wants to meet up and make new friends, I would love to meet some new people.

[PINAYPIE]

Having the same problem as the OP. I'm Asian and non-mormon. It really IS hard to make friends here. Can't wait to move to our next station base and hopefully have better luck there