Something that Disturbs Me (Orem, Draper: house, neighborhood, buy)

[markg91359]

I've been reading and participating in this forum for the last six months. I am LDS, although I would describe myself as less than dyed-in-the-wool follower.

Nevertheless, I am concerned at how many posts from new people on this forum talk about wanting to find an area where "non-LDS people live" or where non-LDS people would be comfortable or whatever. Federal law prohibits housing discrimination based on religion. For the record, 70% of this state is listed in census records as declaring themselves members of the the LDS faith. If this is really a huge concern to you, I wonder if Utah is your best choice for a place to live. I'm not trying to be offensive, I'm trying to be realistic. I realize there are characteristics of the "true believers" in any religious faith that may turn people off. However, is this the problem of that faith or is it YOUR problem?

I think if someone said I want to live in Massachusetts, but I don't want to live around Catholics how that would go over? Alot of us natives in Utah would like a more diverse community and we welcome newcomers. However, please show some sensitivity.

[kaytidid]

As someone who is a Non, I have to agree with you as far as that being insensitive. Honestly, before we even moved to Utah, I had no clue that it was the "hub" of LDS. I realized that LDS was a religion, but that is all I knew.
I believe it was better moving someplace without a preconceived notion about what a place is like. Going in with an open mind and living as you would live is key to moving anyplace. Utah is a different experience, to be sure, but it isn't a different planet.

After all, whatever your beliefs, color, ect are, people are people and remember, common courtesy extends BOTH WAYS.

[dcisive]

I think perhaps many of those posters are just trying to avoid an "excess" of ONE religious influence in the neighborhood they move to. There are many one can move to in which there is a more fair mixture than say choosing Lehi or Orem where one will no doubt feel like a cork in the ocean of LDS. That is a reasonable thing to ask of forum members familiar with the State overall. No need to get offended. In the neighborhood I live in it is likely 80+ % LDS, but since I don't have kids and don't participate in the neighborhood stuff in general it's not a problem for me as it would be for some.

[kaytidid]

I do think there is a difference of someone asking "where do the non lds live" as opposed to "where a non-lds would be most comfortable". Of course, many times what a person is trying to convey through words does not always come out as clearly as if one were speaking in personl

[frogandtoad]

Well, I wanted to know where "nons" lived and I am very glad I found out. I would NOT be happy in a neighborhood with women who are 30 with 5 kids. I would have nothing in common with these people. I don't believe in God. I don't want to be exclusively surrounded by people who do. That would stunt some conversations b/c a lot of people in UT base a lot of their decisions on teachings from "God" and I think it's a hilarious joke. That's not an ideal situation. I want to have a glass of wine with friends, go to have coffee with friends. Not so easy when surrounded by LDS.

I have no problems with LDS, Catholics or any other religion per se. It's not the religion itself. It's wanting to be around people who are similar to me. Women who didn't marry til well into their 30s b/c they were traveling the world and going to grad school; women who don't care one iota about religion and love to pop a bottle of beer on a Sat. afternoon; etc.

So I have no problem at all living in a 50% area. I have LDS friends, but I love that when I do want a coffee, or a beer, I also have friends right nearby who can do that. LDS friends can do other things w/me (hike, hang out w/o beer (!), etc).

I think it's FINE to look for non-LDS dominant areas. I would be MISERABLE (and I mean that all caps!) in Lehi or Draper or any of those places. Even going to shop there, seeing 20-somethings with 3-5 kids in tow makes me so thankful I asked where the less-LDS areas are. And for that matter, where the "metro Mormons" are (as my LDS neighbor calls herself, as she does not buy into the early marriage, tons of kids bit but does go to church and is LDS).

I love SLC and think it's a GREAT place. There's a place for everyone in UT, but you have to ask teh questions to figure out the fit!!

BTW, I would not be offended at all if someone wanted to live in an area not full of atheist wine lovers who were their grandparents age before thinking about kids! I'd totally understand we have little in common.

[frogandtoad]

Originally Posted by kaytidid

I do think there is a difference of someone asking "where do the non lds live" as opposed to "where a non-lds would be most comfortable". Of course, many times what a person is trying to convey through words does not always come out as clearly as if one were speaking in personl

See I actually think both questions are fine. I would NOT feel comfortable as a non-LDS in the more LDS suburbs for the reasons in my last post. Others might, but I would not. And where do non-LDS live? Also reasonable for reasons listed above imo.

Moving to Brooklyn, NY I think it would be fine to ask "where do the Hassidic Jews live?" or if you want to make sure you're not landing among a big community of Hassidic Jews as an atheist, also fine to ask "where would someone NOT a Hassidic Jew feel comfortable? Where are there non-Hassidic Jews?"

LDS life in UT is a whole lifestyle in the way very few religions are, and that carries with it a difference between Boston Catholics and Utah LDS. Brooklyn Hassidic Jews might be a better comparison to UT LDS. Religion dominates and permeates everything in their lives.

[frogandtoad]

Originally Posted by markg91359

I think if someone said I want to live in Massachusetts, but I don't want to live around Catholics how that would go over? Alot of us natives in Utah would like a more diverse community and we welcome newcomers. However, please show some sensitivity.

Ok, sorry for another post BUT I want to speak to this for a second. It's very different being a non-LDS in UT than being not Catholic in Boston. I've lived in both, and have been atheist in both. I can describe the differences if you think that's really a fair comparison, but without going into long description (which again, I'd be happy to do), it is NOT the same thing. As mentioned before, it would be more like an atheist moving into a community of Hassidic Jews. It has to be into a community where the dominant religion infuses every aspect of their lives, which is not the way it is in Boston. And yes, the same questions asked on here would be relevant if moving to an area of Hassidic Jews. Good people? Of course. Lots in common? Maybe with some, but with many not so much.

[SouthernBelleInUtah]

I don't think people who have lived here all their lives, both LDS and non, realize how very different LDS life in UT is, as a practice of religion. I am NOT saying that it is bad, just different. An LDS person who is regular in their practice of their faith will have a LOT of their time taken up with church duties/activities.

Before I moved here, I didn't know anyone who did more than go to church once per week. No "callings", no priesthood/relief society meetings, no home teachers, no geographic requirment for where you attended services, no temple that was closed to outsiders and a good portion of your own faithful, and very little concern about the religion of the kids your children dated. You might not want your kids going to an alcoholic neighbor's house but you wouldn't object to them going over where alcohol was in the house or where it was being served responsibily.

I think Frogandtoad got it exactly right when they compared it to moving into a Hassidic area.

[Katzpur]

Originally Posted by frogandtoad

I have LDS friends, but I love that when I do want a coffee, or a beer, I also have friends right nearby who can do that. LDS friends can do other things w/me (hike, hang out w/o beer (!), etc).

Well, maybe your LDS friends wouldn't be opposed to going to Starbucks with you, sitting and chatting and maybe having a hot chocolate while you had a cup of coffee. It's been known to happen before.

[frogandtoad]

Originally Posted by Katzpur

Well, maybe your LDS friends wouldn't be opposed to going to Starbucks with you, sitting and chatting and maybe having a hot chocolate while you had a cup of coffee. It's been known to happen before.

They do and I have. But I still like sharing a pot of coffee or a bottle of wine.