U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Texas > San Antonio
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-01-2011, 12:58 PM
 
3 posts, read 4,598 times
Reputation: 10

Advertisements

Hi, I've finally come to the conclusion my wife of 30 years has an abusive personality disorder and cannot change. Thus to end the abuse I need to initiate divorce. Does anyone have recommendations for an affordable yet quality attorney to help me fight the inevitable oncoming tornado? There will be no custody issues, just property division and spousal support. I work, she doesn't, but controls the finances. It would really help if I didn't have to pay up front. Did a search but most recommendations were through PM's.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-01-2011, 01:03 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, Texas
905 posts, read 1,360,920 times
Reputation: 592
On IH 10 between loop 410 and Hildebrand, I saw a billboard stating "divorce made easy, $1000."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2011, 01:38 PM
 
2,039 posts, read 4,907,058 times
Reputation: 1204
CHARLES E. HARDY
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2011, 02:08 PM
 
Location: San Antonio
1,262 posts, read 1,764,429 times
Reputation: 1364
Quote:
Originally Posted by markymark6 View Post
Hi, I've finally come to the conclusion my wife of 30 years has an abusive personality disorder and cannot change. Thus to end the abuse I need to initiate divorce. Does anyone have recommendations for an affordable yet quality attorney to help me fight the inevitable oncoming tornado? There will be no custody issues, just property division and spousal support. I work, she doesn't, but controls the finances. It would really help if I didn't have to pay up front. Did a search but most recommendations were through PM's.
Thanks for your thoughts.
No recommendation, but get the finances out of her hand immediately. New checking account, close the joint; paycheck in new account , etc. cut her off immediately else a run on the account.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2011, 03:19 PM
 
3 posts, read 4,598 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilGar View Post
No recommendation, but get the finances out of her hand immediately. New checking account, close the joint; paycheck in new account , etc. cut her off immediately else a run on the account.
thanks for the advice. Working on that, just need to figure the best timing. Don't exactly want to signal my intentions immediately.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2011, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 6,078,679 times
Reputation: 6708
Don't leave Mrs. Wacko destitute or else she'll really give it to you. Still, have a secret stash......
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2011, 09:09 PM
Status: "I am Blessed." (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: Spurs country. "Go, Spurs, Go!"
3,417 posts, read 3,972,097 times
Reputation: 8865
So you have diagnosed her, or has she been diagnosed by a licensed mental health doctor/therapist? If she has not officially been diagnosed, have you approached her about getting help? Surely you two have had discussions about her behavior? There are so many "new" mental illnesses discovered now, have you done a search to see what the treatment should be, have you found "abusive personality disorder" to be a legitmate mental health illness? I ask because my spouse suffers from undiagnosed (professionally, but trust me, it is) mental illness and I have been doing research myself and discovered illnessess never discovered or named 30, 20, etc. years ago that are now being recognized/legitimized. I hate to see a 30 year marriage disintegrate if there is help, you do remember "in sickness and in health"? Praying for you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2011, 08:31 AM
 
3 posts, read 4,598 times
Reputation: 10
Thanks for you suggestions. No, she is not officially diagnosed. She would never admit to having a problem, much less consent to going for an evaluation. It's become aware to me the behavior is getting worse as time goes on. Recently after a particularly bad episode, in desperation I started scouring "men's help" sites and found the following two sites which really helped me put it together.

DadsDivorce.com: Divorce Advice for Men and Fathers | Men and Divorce
A Shrink for Men

It appears she has classic "Narcissistic Personality Disorder" probably brought on by an incident (known by all) which occurred as an early teenager (not abuse, brought on by her). She probably learned the behavior from her Mother who had a different and more traumatic incident in her early life. Basically the condition is a continual attempt to support a false inflated supreme self-image through tearing down others. The main troubling thing is that it appears to have no real treatment. The NPD will do almost anything to support their image.

The Emotionally Abusive Personality: Is She a Borderline or a Narcissist? A Shrink for Men

So based on past experiences with her denying any responsibility, and what appears a very accurate (and hopeless) description of her condition I have arrived at this painful decision.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2011, 09:20 AM
 
Location: West Creek
1,720 posts, read 4,017,157 times
Reputation: 784
ahh good luck buddy, I remember when my Ex GF dropped her mask, As soon as I saw the evil in her eys SVG ran for the hills! LOL Funny cause she was an angel with everyone but me. and before anyone ask why? I liked the abuse lol JK

A divorce with no kids is very simple, I have a friend who divorced a leech with five kids, none were his. He bought his house when they were dating, and the lady wanted half. Judge made her leave with all the broken furniture her kids broke, and with 1500 and that was it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-03-2011, 09:39 AM
 
Location: san antonio texas
1,805 posts, read 2,195,252 times
Reputation: 623
Quote:
Originally Posted by Michigan Transplant View Post
So you have diagnosed her, or has she been diagnosed by a licensed mental health doctor/therapist? If she has not officially been diagnosed, have you approached her about getting help? Surely you two have had discussions about her behavior? There are so many "new" mental illnesses discovered now, have you done a search to see what the treatment should be, have you found "abusive personality disorder" to be a legitmate mental health illness? I ask because my spouse suffers from undiagnosed (professionally, but trust me, it is) mental illness and I have been doing research myself and discovered illnessess never discovered or named 30, 20, etc. years ago that are now being recognized/legitimized. I hate to see a 30 year marriage disintegrate if there is help, you do remember "in sickness and in health"? Praying for you.
1) i agree with this poster on most things. a 30 year marriage is a terrible thing to let go of. myself, ive been with my wife 11 years this month and would do everything to keep that marriage before i filed paperwork.

2) also agree on the multitude of 'new' illnesses, like autism. dont let her claim its some new, trendy diagnosis that can only be treated with gobs of cash.

3) get finances out of her hands, NOW. yes, it will signal your intentions but if youre paying the bills and you're the one being abused, dont give her anything to hold over your head, especially the family finances.

4) you get what you pay for in regards to lawyers. i know youre going to be strapped for cash with the inevitable move n whatnot, but its better to pay up now than more down the line because the cheapo but good lawyer you hired missed something

i waited almost 7 years before i made the marriage 'official' (on paper with the state) with the missus. its something i will only do once in my life. 'til death do us part' is not taken seriously at all by a good majority of people that get married. in fact, im of the opinion that most dont really take marriage as seriously as it should be taken. id fight tooth and nail to hold onto my 3 decades of marriage before i filed papers.

im not saying you havent, but please exhaust all options before you end it because thats a very big portion of your life that you've spent with your spouce.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Options
X
Data:
Loading data...
Based on 2000-2016 data
Loading data...

123
Hide US histogram

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Texas > San Antonio
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:49 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top