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Old 12-26-2007, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Oz
2,238 posts, read 6,294,825 times
Reputation: 1283
Quote:
Originally Posted by missmypfc View Post
<snipped>
...you think they could have spared a Christmas greeting? Or how about stopping by once in the four months to see if I needed anything? All I can go by is living on base, where people watch out for each other. Maybe that's why this has been so hurtful to us, because in the Air Force, your neighbors become your family and you rely on each other.
Have you ever gone and checked on one of them? If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you can't expect new friends to find you, you've got to go find them. If you want your neighbors to be friendly enough to knock on your door and check up on you, then it's up to you to start that kind of relationship. Make the first move. Otherwise, don't be surprised if they don't come by.
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Old 12-26-2007, 08:39 AM
 
77 posts, read 5,048 times
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For your information, yes, I have gone over... at Thanksgiving WE took our four immediate neighbors small baskets of fruit and nuts... don't be so assuming
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Old 12-26-2007, 09:10 AM
 
Location: Oz
2,238 posts, read 6,294,825 times
Reputation: 1283
Quote:
Originally Posted by missmypfc View Post
For your information, yes, I have gone over... at Thanksgiving WE took our four immediate neighbors small baskets of fruit and nuts... don't be so assuming
Whoa there, I think you're the one doing the assuming here. I meant no ill will by asking my simple question. You posted asking for advice, we're giving it. Please don't assume that we are attacking you when we respond. As far as your situation goes, a few months is really a very short time in which to get on gift-giving terms with the neighbors. Maybe they're shy. Maybe they've had bad experiences with neighbors before, or the neighbors children. Maybe it's a cultural thing. Who knows? Honestly, I think it's just a matter of time and of you being consistently friendly to them no matter how standoffish they are.

When I moved into my current neighborhood, there was an older man from a few houses down that would take a walk every day past my house. I would wave and smile every time I saw him. When I was out driving in the neighborhood and I saw him walking, I would wave and smile. I did this for three years before one day he finally waved back. For some people, it just takes time.
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Old 12-26-2007, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Texas
2,170 posts, read 4,498,673 times
Reputation: 1308
Actually I believe this is tending to be the culture of the United States now. No one says boo to anyone. Part of the problem, imo, are these durn computers. Many people spend more time on these things then peeking out the door to see if the sun is up. That in turn brings us to where no one knows anyone. I know in my neighborhood I dont normally see anyone. Now it is harder for me as I am always gone most of the time so I dont expect anyone to know me due to my working hours.

As far as what pfc said, I am surprised that no one did invite her and the family to christmas dinner. I remember when I was in the Military they had support groups for deployed family members and part of that was the gatherings of families during the hard times. (holidays) I guess that has changed in the military also as they are also on the computer.
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Old 12-26-2007, 12:18 PM
 
214 posts, read 1,123,929 times
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Default we experinced the same thing

I agree with missmypfc we have not had a lot of friendless from our hispanic community either we are use to a very openness being miltary also we purchased a home so I hope things change in that we would like to know people around us.
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Old 12-26-2007, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Washington, DC & San Antonio, TX
794 posts, read 2,846,321 times
Reputation: 500
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man in SATX View Post
Actually I believe this is tending to be the culture of the United States now. No one says boo to anyone. I know in my neighborhood I dont normally see anyone. Now it is harder for me as I am always gone most of the time so I dont expect anyone to know me due to my working hours.
Yes, it is generally acknowledged that, regardless of ethnic background, in general Americans do tend to be more friendly on the surface than some other cultures around the world but at the same time are less "deeply connected" to their neighbors and communities. I'm not a social science researcher, so I couldn't say whether this has anything to do with increased use of computers. Read "Bowling Alone" for more insight there. This distance we Americans tend to maintain between ourselves and our neighbors/communities certainly is not a constant - as evidenced by the OP's experience - and I would agree that there is a natural tendency for people to be more open with those they feel more related to - whether that's ethnically, culturally, or in a social/religious context. However, my personal experience is that once I get to know someone and feel they are interested in befriending me, I will reach out to them in return - so OP from Cleveland please keep trying with your neighbors.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man in SATX View Post
As far as what pfc said, I am surprised that no one did invite her and the family to christmas dinner. I remember when I was in the Military they had support groups for deployed family members and part of that was the gatherings of families during the hard times. (holidays)
Beyond what I said above, San Antonio very strongly supports its military community and there are many holiday programs for servicemembers and their families left behind. Some programs offer home visits, some host families for dinner, some just offer an opportunity to gather with others. I don't know the specific details of the situation, but if missmypfc did not sign up for a program, it's likely that people who only knew her casually just didn't know she wanted some support.

All I can say to anyone trying to befriend neighbors and people in the community is to be persistent. Yes, Texans and San Antonians are generally very friendly and open, but we are all human. It probably will take a while to get through the various outer defenses we all put up (to lesser and greater degrees) in order to make friends. Please don't be discouraged, just keep trying. It may seem unfair that a newcomer or someone in need would have to make more of an effort to overcome standoffishness or distance in others, but with persistence you may just be able to build relationships and friendships that make it easier for the next newcomer. To quote a very wise man, "You must be the change you want to see in the world."
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Old 12-26-2007, 12:51 PM
 
77 posts, read 5,048 times
Reputation: 17
Roaminred,
This will be the last I have to say on the matter, as I feel my point was lost on most. First, I wasn't asking for any kind of advice... I was simply telling you OUR experience. Also, as I've said, we have lived here for a whole year... not a few months. I don't need "gifts"-- that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about neighbors watching me try to start the lawnmower and walking away or knowing I need an extension ladder to change my porch lightbulbs-- how about when they are up on the ladder changing their own, they run over and offer to change mine? It's the little things that count. I don't need "hand-held" through a deployment. My husband is an officer of 23 years now... we have done deployments before as well as a remote. I know what to expect and do my best. I'm talking simply about being neighborly and thoughtful. That should cross all cultures and races, but I just have not felt that here.
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Old 12-26-2007, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Stone Oak
304 posts, read 618,701 times
Reputation: 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by Berlin1980 View Post
I an relatively new to San Antonio and have relocated from Cleveland and from abroad before that. I have to be a little careful here but we find it very difficult to get to know our Hispanic neighbours. Can anyone shed light on this?

We send out Christmas cards to all the neighbors but only the 'Anglo' (that is funny to us!) - neighbors gave us cards back - or reciprocated in some way (like cookies etc.) Not a single Hispanic neighbour send us a card back, or wish us Christmas cheer - every 'Anglo' neighbour send us a card back or baked cookies etc.

When we lived in a similar subdivision in Cleveland - mostly 'Anglo' neighbours, - everybody was out - the kids all played together and everyone made an effort to be part of the community. We walk our streets all of the time here but we never meet any of our Hispanic neighbors. We go to all community activities - but again we never see our Hispanic neighbors there.

I think there are cultural issues here - that maybe our Hispanic neighbors have family here - since they are very family oriented - and do not see any need to get to know the neighbors.

I know that this is a sensitive issue and I do not wish to cause fissure - but again there are maybe some cultural issues that i am not aware of.


You may have just bumped into some cultural differences. If your Hispanic neighbors are members of the working class or perhaps grew up in it not so long ago, they may not share your customs. I don't have any sociological studies to reference, but these are my observations from growing up a Hispanic in a mostly Hispanic South Texas working-class neighborhood back in the 70s and early 80s. While my parents were very social, all our weekend visits were with my aunts/uncles and grandparents. They talked across the fence with neighbors or when they met a friend at HEB, but they were never invited over for dinner. It was just not the norm. A chat seemed to suffice. They were not expected to be invited and my parents were not expected to invite - unless it was family. During the holidays my parents used to send out cards, but again it was only for family and usually only if they lived out of town. Everyone in our neighborhood got along with each other, the kids played together, but as much as I can recall there were never exchanges of food between neighbors. Again it just wasn't the norm and once again these are just my personal observations.

My wife and I have encountered similar class issues. At get togethers, we have tried to integrate our working class family with our highly educated academic friends of all races, but it did not go very well. It was almost comical to watch my wife and I attempt to bridge the two only to have them slowly drift into separate clans. We know they both have a lot in common, but it takes more effort than a dinner party to make them reach that level of understanding.

Kudos to you for being egalitarian in disseminating your Christmas cheer, but your specific neighbors might not share your cultural customs. Hispanics in this city now cut a wide swath through many different social, cultural, intellectual, economic and political levels and you might yet wind up finding out there are more similarities than differences.

Move into my block - you'll probably get a "welcome to the neighborhood" dinner at our Hispanic household.

Happy New Year Berlin1980!
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Old 12-26-2007, 01:36 PM
 
144 posts, read 450,607 times
Reputation: 47
Don't feel bad, I am hispanic and I don't even get cards back. Itsa cultural thing they probably think you are weird. Please don't get offended but most "anglos" that are friendly are usually taken as Weird, I don't know why but thats the way it is.
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Old 12-26-2007, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Oz
2,238 posts, read 6,294,825 times
Reputation: 1283
Quote:
Originally Posted by lockheed1 View Post
Don't feel bad, I am hispanic and I don't even get cards back. Itsa cultural thing they probably think you are weird. Please don't get offended but most "anglos" that are friendly are usually taken as Weird, I don't know why but thats the way it is.
Some of us ARE weird! *points to herself*
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