Daily Joke Thread (inspection, beach, farmer)

[PopsGuysRule]

warning.... this joke is NOT PC... it's also very very old.....

A rabbi and a priest, long time friends, were having lunch together.
While they were eating, the priest leaned over and said to the rabbi, "Listen, we've been friends for a long time now and I've always wondered..... have you EVER eaten pork?"
The rabbi cast his eyes around the room, leaned in even closer than the priest had and said, "Well, yes. Once, years ago, when I was in seminary, I was offered a ham sandwich. I was very, very hungry that afternoon, and so I took it."
"Well," said the priest. "Wasn't it delicious?"
"Yes, I have to admit," replied the rabbi, "it was quite tasty."
After a few moments' silence, the rabbi again leaned in and said to the priest, "Well, then, your turn, Father. Have you truly NEVER had sex?"
The priest sighed heavily, looked around the room, leaned in very close across the table, and said, "Well, yes, very similar to your situation.... when I was a very young seminary candiate for the priesthood, I was seduced by a beautiful young woman who lived in the town."
The rabbi slowly nodded his head and then leaned in again, and said to the priest, "Beats pork, doesn't it?"

[gwrober]

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko De Mayo.

[SanAntoQT]

Originally Posted by gwrober

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko De Mayo.

*grrroooooooaaaaan*

[gwrober]

Little Johnny was five years old and just learning to read.

He and his mother were reading a book on animals when he pointed at one page and cried, "Look, Mommy! It's a frickin' elephant!"

His mother took a deep breath and said, "What did you say?"

"It's a frickin' elephant, Mama! Look! It says so right here!"

And so it did: "African Elephant."

Ain't Hooked on Phonics wonderful?

[gwrober]

Ha ha! Here's a good one!!



Two lovely female foreign immigrants, newly arrived in the United States, noticed people lining up to buy food from a cart.

"I've heard that people here eat dogs," said one of the women.

"Really?" said her friend, "But we're in America, so we should do as Americans do."

They headed for the cart.

"Two dogs, please," she said.

The vendor handed her two hot dogs wrapped in foil.

The young women excitedly headed for a bench and unwrapped their meal.

The first to open the foil blushed and whispered to her friend, "What part did you get?"

[Paka]

Judge to prostitute: "So when did you realize you were raped?



Prostitute, wiping away tears: "When the check bounced."

[gwrober]

The Gynecologist who became a Mechanic

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO
paperwork, and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful
hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local
technical college, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and
learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared
carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the
results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of
150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, saying "I don't want to
appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an
error in the grade."

The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly,
which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together
again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."

After a pause, the instructor added, "I gave you an extra 50% because you
did it all through the muffler."

[rd2007]

Hopefully this is ok and it's definitely funny..

[gwrober]

Originally Posted by rd2007

Hopefully this is ok and it's definitely funny..

Sounds right to me!!

[1StarRanch]

Three southern girls were sitting around having lunch and one said to the others, if you were to name your man after a soft drink what would you name him?

The one asking decided to chime in first and said, well I'll start. My man would be named 7up because he's 7" and it's always up

The second one said that's pretty good, I'd name my man Mountain Dew, cuz when he's mounted he knows what to do.

The third one sat there and thought a bit, the two others said, well what would you name your man? Finally, the third said, I'd name my man Jack Daniels. Jack Daniels the others replied! You can't name him Jack Daniels that's not a soft drink that's a hard liquor. The third said, "I know, but when he's down there, he's a hard licker".