Daily Joke Thread (Anthony, Van, Lorena: home, price, stores)

[Paka]

Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional...

[PopsGuysRule]

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

[SanAntoQT]

Originally Posted by PopsGuysRule

A husband and his wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the BBQ grill while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. So the man says to his wife "Your rear end is almost as wide as this grill" She ignores the remark.

A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the grill, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, it really IS as wide as the grill!" She ignores this remark as well.

Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the grill for one little wiener, you are sadly mistaken."

GEEZ! I had to wipe coffee off my screen! *ROTFLMFAO*

[PopsGuysRule]

Originally Posted by SanAntoQT

GEEZ! I had to wipe coffee off my screen! *ROTFLMFAO*

glad you liked it.....

[SanAntoQT]

Originally Posted by PopsGuysRule

glad you liked it.....

So, did my friends. *lol*

I tried to rep you, but I still need to spread it around!

[The Man in SATX]

[SIZE=3] know that you've heard of Vincent Van Gogh, the famous Dutch painter.

But you may not know that you're also very
familiar with 17 of Vincent's relatives.

Doubt me? Then read through the following list. You'll surprise yourself!

1) Vincent's dizzy aunt -- Verti Gogh

2) His brother who ate prunes -- Gotta Gogh.

3) His cousin from Illinois -- Chica Gogh

4) His Mexican cousin -- A Mee Gogh

5) His sister who loved disco -- Go Gogh

6) His magician uncle - Where Diddy Gogh?

7) His brother who worked at a convenience-
store -- Stop "N" Gogh

8) His grandfather from Yugoslavia -- U Gogh

9) His Mexican brother's half-cousin -- Gring Gogh

10) his constipated uncle -- Can't Gogh

11) His aunt who taught ballroom dancing -- Tang Gogh

12) His bird-loving uncle -- Flamin Gogh

13) His psychologist nephew -- E Gogh

14) His fruit-loving cousin -- Mang Gogh

15) His little bouncy nephew -- Poe Gogh

16) His nephew who drove a stagecoach --
Wells Far Gogh

17) His niece who traveled the country in a van -- Winnie Bay Gogh

There Ya Gogh! I'm proud that you knew all
seventeen of Vincent's relatives. Way To Gogh![/SIZE]

[SanAntoQT]

After nearly 45 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the misses felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach. He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by his caressing, she asked in a loving voice, "Honey, that was wonderful. Why did you stop?"



"I found the remote," he mumbled.

[The Man in SATX]

haa haa that was a good one QT

[Paka]

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined.

2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope declined.

A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.

The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!

[Paka]

And since SO many of you seems to enjoy the "old married" jokes, here is a bonus round today!

Your dog's barking at the back door.

Your wife's barking at the front. Who do you let in?

Well, it's your call... but the dog'll stop barking when you let him in.