Daily Joke Thread (Cameron, Italy: oil, money, teach)

[TXtrkgrl]

City folks shouldn't move to the country:

I sure hope this isn't real ~LOL~

[TXtrkgrl]

For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need for the service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference to an organization.

Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.

It seemed a little strange. When another waiter brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.

When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?"

Well, he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.

It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen, instead of making an extra trip to get it right now."

I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. I asked another waiter "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"

"Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. Anderson Consulting found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent!

I asked, "After you get it out -how do you put it back?"

"Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon!"

[rd2007]

been getting a little stuffy around here lately, so here's some blonde jokes..


The Bus Ride

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. the brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... 'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!

BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and
one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...
Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her licence.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I
get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that
her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee
and screamed;
Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched
made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY ……
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO.....,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs!

[PopsGuysRule]

Originally Posted by rd2007

been getting a little stuffy around here lately, so here's some blonde jokes..


The Bus Ride

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. the brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!'

One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... 'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!

BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and
one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away...
Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'

SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he could see her licence.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me
to show it to you!'

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I
get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back, 'You ARE on the other side.'

AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that
her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed,
then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee
and screamed;
Likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched
made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.'

IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY ……
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO.....,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs!

OMG, roflmao.... can't decide which one is best!!!! too funny rd....
rep for you if they'll allow me....
-----NOPE, gotta 'spread it around' first, before I give it to you..... like measles and malaria I guess.......

[gwrober]

Ok rd....


A blond is speeding down the highway, when a state trooper, also a blond, pulls her over.

"May I see your license?"

The blond digs around in her purse, pulls out a compact, and hands it to the trooper.

"Oh, go ahead ma'am, I didn't realize you were a trooper too."

[Paka]

For anyone that has every been a linguist...this one is priceless!

Bulgarian MUSIC IDOL 2 Season - Can Lee Video

[gwrober]

Originally Posted by Paka

For anyone that has every been a linguist...this one is priceless!

Bulgarian MUSIC IDOL 2 Season - Can Lee Video

I love that one!! Libudibudouchooooo

[Paka]

Originally Posted by gwrober

I love that one!! Libudibudouchooooo

My favorite line as well....

[PopsGuysRule]

Originally Posted by Paka

My favorite line as well....

I want to meet ken lee.... he must be really something else....

[gwrober]

Originally Posted by PopsGuysRule

I want to meet ken lee.... he must be really something else....

I love how they questioned her....what language is that? "English." Are you sure?!?