Daily Joke Thread (San Antonio, Cactus, Meridian: to live, cost, move)

[Blue Dog]

Who is the most popular man in the nudist colony? - The one that can take a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. - And the most popular woman of the nudist colony? - The one that eats the last donut.

[PopsGuysRule]

After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair.

She can't possibly be mine." "Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."

"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations."

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?" The man seemed a bit ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice every few months."

"Well, there you have it!" the doctor said. "It's rust."

[rd2007]

Dispute between neighbors - This is a true story.

A city councilman in Utah, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and
built a new home.

The new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so
Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance.

The new neighbor had to drop the roof line, at great expense.


Recently, Mark Easton called the city, and informed them that his new
neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't
like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate.


When they went to Mark's home to see the vent view, this is what they
found...

[rd2007]

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy Crap, That must be my husband!'
So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband.!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And that folks............is how the fight started

[gwrober]

Originally Posted by rd2007

a man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'holy crap, that must be my husband!'
so the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'i am your husband.!'
the woman yelled back, 'yeah, then why were you running?'
and that folks............is how the fight started

holy s*** that is funny!!!

[Paka]

Happy 4th!

BBQ Rules...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table as well as another beer for the man.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off.' And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

[rd2007]

Try to guess how this happened...

[sapphire]

Originally Posted by rd2007

Try to guess how this happened...

Attachment 23426

Wal-Mart! LOL that's hilarious!!

[Texan in Virginia]

Originally Posted by rd2007

Try to guess how this happened...

Attachment 23426

Very funny!

Lori

[rd2007]

This would be even more funny if it was true