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Old 03-11-2008, 06:26 AM
 
Location: san antonio/potranco area
604 posts, read 1,368,982 times
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OK- I would like to enlist some advice from all of the parents- how did you deal with sibling rivalry with your kids-or did you have an issue with it. I have 3 kids, who just can not even seem to be in the same room for 5 minutes with out a battle ensuing. The oldest is 9 and wants to be the boss, the younger ones are 5 year old twins and want no one to be their boss! We are very strict parents and I feel like I have tried everything to instill a good family bond, I make them do projects together after they fight, so they can learn to depend on eachother, but nothing seems to change-- or is this just normal? Please any tactics tried and true?
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Old 03-11-2008, 06:37 AM
 
Location: Smalltown, USA
3,111 posts, read 8,308,124 times
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I think it is normal. I have two daughters ages 17 & 12. One minute they are best friends the next minute they want to kill each other.

If you come up with a solution PLEEEAAASSEE let me know also.
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Old 03-11-2008, 08:31 AM
 
933 posts, read 1,813,035 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malone View Post
I think it is normal. I have two daughters ages 17 & 12. One minute they are best friends the next minute they want to kill each other.

If you come up with a solution PLEEEAAASSEE let me know also.
We have girls coming up on 4 and 8 next month who spend a good portion of their time playing happily together.

And then, all heck breaks loose!

We let them duke it out for awhile and when they get really out of control, ie, the volume of the screaming increases exponentially, then we tell them to knock it off and love each other.

I also have to remind them that they are equals as the older one tries to boss the younger one around or act like she is the mommy and daddy.

Other then that, that is what we do.

I grew up as an only child, thank goodness because I probably would have hurt my sibling (lol), so never had to deal with this.

My wife has a younger brother and says this is just the way it is.

So, grin and bear it is about all anybody can do.
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Old 03-11-2008, 08:38 AM
 
933 posts, read 1,813,035 times
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Oh, one more thought.

A lady friend of mine has three brothers and when they were all battling it out, their mom would sit all four of them down on the couch together until they calmed down.

They had to sit there quietly until they were ready to be nice to each other.

So, that is one suggestion I received...but have not tried it myself.

Though when they get really out of control and are not listening to either one of us, its a time out on their beds...and they share the same room. LOL
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Old 03-11-2008, 08:38 AM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
2,397 posts, read 5,843,187 times
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My two are five years apart, one son (the oldest) and one daughter. As a single mom, I was always the center of their competition with each other. I discovered that if I wasn't around, they'd get along just fine. It was when I was within reach that they'd fight with each other.

To this day, that's the way it is. My son is now 26 and my daughter is 21. Since I'm so far away from them right now, they get along famously, but the minute I pull into town all hell breaks loose! I wish I could figure out how to change that!
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Old 03-11-2008, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Smalltown, USA
3,111 posts, read 8,308,124 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SanAntoQT View Post
My two are five years apart, one son (the oldest) and one daughter. As a single mom, I was always the center of their competition with each other. I discovered that if I wasn't around, they'd get along just fine. It was when I was within reach that they'd fight with each other.

To this day, that's the way it is. My son is now 26 and my daughter is 21. Since I'm so far away from them right now, they get along famously, but the minute I pull into town all hell breaks loose! I wish I could figure out how to change that!

Yes that is EXACTLY how it is with me. I was trying to figure out how to put it into words.
During the summer they stay home alone and all is good. When I'm there, forget it!!
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Old 03-11-2008, 08:45 AM
 
933 posts, read 1,813,035 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SanAntoQT View Post
My two are five years apart, one son (the oldest) and one daughter. As a single mom, I was always the center of their competition with each other. I discovered that if I wasn't around, they'd get along just fine. It was when I was within reach that they'd fight with each other.

To this day, that's the way it is. My son is now 26 and my daughter is 21. Since I'm so far away from them right now, they get along famously, but the minute I pull into town all hell breaks loose! I wish I could figure out how to change that!
OMG, you make a great point!

When I am home alone with the girls, they get along fabulously together.

As soon as my wife gets home though, they are at each other's throats.

Even when she is gone for a few days, I have no problems, well nothing to the magnitude that we have when mommy is home.

Last week my wife got back into town after a few days out, and I left to go to a friends house.

My wife told me later that evening when I got home that as soon as I walked out the door, the whining, crying, pissyness and fighting started.

She was literally at her wit's end.

And she gives me a big sigh when she asks if the girls were good while she was gone...and I say yes.

It probably comes to do not give more then an inch or two, but the girls take the inch that mommy gives them and runs it out a mile or two. LOL

Last edited by spamatdan; 03-11-2008 at 08:46 AM.. Reason: grammar
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Old 03-11-2008, 09:20 AM
 
Location: san antonio/potranco area
604 posts, read 1,368,982 times
Reputation: 343
Wow! It is soooo great to hear that I am not a failure as a parent and that so many other people have the same issues! Its funny what is being said about how they get along when they are left alone- because I just started reading a book from Dr. Wayne Dyer and one of the excersises he suggests is to practice not saying anything (in a situation where your kids are arguing) instead of butting in and see how they resolve it themselves, I just felt like I was being lazy doing that- but I think I will give it a try.
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Old 03-11-2008, 09:26 AM
 
Location: San Diego, CA
2,397 posts, read 5,843,187 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nicholasa101 View Post
Wow! It is soooo great to hear that I am not a failure as a parent and that so many other people have the same issues! Its funny what is being said about how they get along when they are left alone- because I just started reading a book from Dr. Wayne Dyer and one of the excersises he suggests is to practice not saying anything (in a situation where your kids are arguing) instead of butting in and see how they resolve it themselves, I just felt like I was being lazy doing that- but I think I will give it a try.
It does give you a sense of failure when you think you're the only parent who is having these kinds of issues. I know I was relieved when I found that wasn't the case!

I didn't have to butt in! My kids would bring their arguments to me, the little suckers. Unless they were getting physical or being downright nasty with each other, I'd tell them to leave me out of their drama and I didn't want to hear another word about it. They'd usually settle down after a while.
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Old 03-11-2008, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Smalltown, USA
3,111 posts, read 8,308,124 times
Reputation: 2036
LOL~~ This thread cracks me up.
I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have told my kids to "GO OUTSIDE!!". They think I am kidding and they keep arguing so I tell them again, finally they get along because if they go outside to argue they wouldn't have an "audience" and that wouldn't be any fun.

I know they do it just to see how much I can take and to see who's side I will pick. When they were younger I would usually get onto one or the other but as they got older I told them to work it out on their own. Once I started letting them "work it out" the bickering slowed down alot.
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